ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

Seriously sexed up again this week.No way I will be able to last all summer without some action.Have suddenly developed a single man radar again and then rate them as would I /wouldnt I .Really preoccupying my days at the moment.

Get yourself an eager puppy Maybees

I know Startin' does he have a friend you could send over it will be all shirts off pecs out soon when the sun starts shining ,cant wait TBH ,single in the Spring yeehah !

Glad to see that everyone seems to have had a more positive night generally.

I've woken up feeling sad and upset but not desperate this morning which is perhaps a sign that my ADs are kicking in and levelling me out.

Afternoon Dumplings, quick post before school run. I feel like I've been sliding backwards. It's like I've gone back into depression, I've lost my joy again. I desperately need to pull myself out of this again but don't really know how. Exh has invaded my head again & I find either he or the stuff that he did is constantly in my thoughts. I don't know how I've gone back to this but I'm going to have to dig deep to try & get out of this distructive behaviour.

I'm going to take myself off & do something nice with dc's for the afternoon. I've also decided to have a symbolic funeral for exh. I read this a long time ago but never did it. It's meant to help with the letting go process. I'm going to bury a wedding pic & possibly a letter out the garden & have a little ceremony to try to finally let go once & for all.

I'm too far down the road to be allowing myself still be effected by exh so I've got to give myself a slap & pull myself out of this quick!

starting - sorry to hear its still getting to you. Doing things to let go sounds like a good plan, and please don't blame yourself for being sad about it all still.

I'm beginning to accept that H is doing this for good, not with a view to getting back together sometime. It hurts so so much but the hope hurts too. I'm feeling utterly desolate right now

Ah Chairmum, I'm sorry to hear that you're feel so bad. My heart really goes out to you going through this pg, sending you virtual hugs.

The hope is a killer. In fact I thinks it's the hardest aspect. When the hope is gone it starts to get easier. I've just been triggered by a lot of stuff lately & this is a temporary setback, I don't want you to think it's an endless road of pain & suffering!

For you things will be very raw for quiet a while, just try to make your days as nice as possible for now. .

This is a setback for all of us but I truly believe that we will move on to better things.

I am trying not to let him get me down. I'm determined not to sit DS in front of the TV as much as I have been - he needs to feel like he has my attention more, even if it wanders

Right now he's sitting up the table next to me playing playdo. I can mumsnet and still play with him. I'll put the TV on to make dinner and probably clean up, but that is an improvement on the normal constant distraction I've felt I've needed.

When he gets me down I get very very down, but I'm thankfully not staying too far down.

Don't be too hard on yourself chairmum, you're still in the very early stages. You can't expect to be superwoman at the moment. On the hard days just put tv on & do whatever makes life easier for you. As long as ds is happy it doesn't really matter for now if he's watching too much tv.

Be kind to yourself & rest as much as possible to build up your strength.

I know its not the end of the world, but when I try not to just leave him to himself, I am cheered up - its better for both of us, and making a bit of a resolution to try harder keeps me focussed. I need focus!

I need to do something nice for dinner, just for me and DS tomorrow. I'll have DS till H starts his overnights on friday (he will be doing monday/wednesday/friday nights with all day saturday)

I know what you mean chairmum, I find doing stuff with the dc's cheers me up too.

How are you feeling about those access arrangements for ds??

I'm sure I will be lonely when he is not here but he's used to spending a lot of time with his dad, and I will need him to be used to that for when the baby comes. I get all day every day with him, so it'll only be a few hours of evening time I'm missing out on, and I am hoping to do something for myself on the saturdays. I just feel like its really important to keep the level of contact between them as high as possible. We've split the last couple of weekends anyway, and DS has been fine with it

Its SO hard isn't it Starting and Miaow, I've never heard of that funeral thing before. I suppose it makes sense though, death of the marriage.
I haven't thrown away any card, letters etc. I still need to keep them as evidence to myself that he did really love me once.

I kept the confetti from our wedding as it was so pretty and I did manage to throw that away.

I screwed it up and put it in the kitchen bin and scraped the dirty plates over it and said fuck off. Charming I know but its how I felt.

It is amazing how overwhelming the hurt is isn't it.

Miaow, I got through the first few weeks with lots of radio and telly. I just lay on the settee in a stupor for weeks falling in and out of sleep and got myself together for when the DC came home from school.

Don't worry about your DS watching telly, you're in such a hard place. I felt lucky that my DC were older, I don't know how I would have managed in your shoes.

Also, I buy myself flowers regularly. The daffs are so lovely (and cheap), its just nice having beautiful things around and a little jug of flowers really lifts me.

Also for added distraction there's always ebay.

Its brilliant for cheap toys and there are loads of toys that you wouldn't find readilly in the shops.

Its fun when they arrive in the post and on a bad day just seeing the postman is quite nice. Sad or what !

Evening all. HappyClappyitis, that made me laugh Maybees .

Thinking of some other names too - HippyHappyDay, ImSoHappyImHappyImGay, OhJoyousDay, HappySadHappy, there are many - must surely be the baking...

Hoping those that have been feeling down today are a bit better now. My few days away have certainly perked me up.

Let's hope it lasts.

Am also reading "Not Just Friends" at the moment as recommended by WWIFN. Great book for anyone who's XP left them for OW methinks.

Agree on the flowers - I insist on having lovely flowers and burning something a bit smelly and relaxing always.

Oh my God, if you want to laugh till you cry then then go onto Dadsnet and the thread calld sexual technic. Bloody funny.

Toddler asleep, I've had a bath and I'm in bed watching 'one born every minute'. I can think of worse ways to spend my evening

The kitchen is tidy, I have sorted towels, sheets, toddler toys and kitchen stuff out for H (carefully considered and decided it was better to make it easy for him to take what I put out rather than him taking what he wants)

At this moment, I'm doing ok.

can you post a link? can't find it

Ok the following is a short Maybees fabulosity lecture and not meant to be offensive to any dumpling in any way shape or form !
Ok top tips for losing "THE DOOM "
Get outside in the fresh air (those of you that know me ,know this is essential to me as anything less than an acre leaves me claustraphobic )
Go for a walk,run,swim,yoga,pram pushing stroll
none of the above(choose your own)
all of the above
All about seratonin ,exercise and getting moving essential to folks prone to getting "the doom"
Make sure you get out the house even though you want to wallow ,amazing how it can lift your day
Start fighting it !Get fiesty!If "the doom"is a punch bag you are going to knock the shit out of it.
Visualise your H having seriously painful cock accidents with mousetraps etc (dont really know why but it helps me cope with the real painful stuff if I think of H in painful knob situation.)
Wear something with sparkles as often as possible.
Always remember to be" chin up tits out" every time you leave your house.
Also try and use positive language all the time.We did this at kids nursery ,really tricky but try it for a day and see what you think.You have to try and communicate without being negative(that includes thinking positive ,try no negative thoughts for one whole day)
Just a thought if you get your haircut do you remember the 3 compliments or the one person that was negative.Negativity is at least x3 stronger and likely to influence your day .So fill your life with positive thoughts.
Dont blame anyone else ,for one whole day .
No thoughts of blame,this includes stop blaming yourself.

BE PROUD TO BE YOU AND REGAIN YOUR FABULOSITY (AND HAVE FUN AND BE A BIT NAUGHTY WHILE YOU ARE DOING IT)

Startin' he is still your Kryptonite,and this is shite but totally normal IMO because it wasnt a million years ago that he was your handsome prince.Your brain plays tricks on you much like grief I would imagine cos none of us could deal with the whole massive shock of marriage breakdown all in one go.I think our brain lets us deal with it little bits at a time and we have bits of denial locked in all over the place just festering.Then one morning an abcess has worked its way to the
surface again, we have to poultice it for a few days but generally after it bursts the poison is gone and then that wound can begin to heal.You have already got rid of loads of poison I know I feel weaker when I see H and sometimes I feel like im left in a heap at the end of a weekend thinking havent I taken enough how am I meant to keep going.But each time you do come back stronger and you will be well on your way before you have to see him in court.
Chin up Tits Out !
get your boots on and get up the forest 2morrow have a good march and a good weep a good bath and bake a cake
He is an arse x

You'll know this one being a good Catholic girl ,but someone gave this to me years ago and I read it all the time.Hangs in my kitchen.....

Let nothing disturb you,
nothing frighten you,
All things are passing,
God never changes,
Patience obtains all things,
Nothing is wanting to him who posseses God
God alone suffices

St Teresa's bookmark

Simple words that have helped me thru many episodes of "THE DOOM"

NB For Dumplings that dont do prayers just take the bits that mean something to you and enjoy !

Big waves to everyone x

I don't know how to happy, I'd have to go on another bleeding computer course for that !

If you go to TALK TOPICS...on the right you'll see dadsnet and its right at the top.

It was started in 2008 and has been bumped to 2010. Hope you find it, maybe someone else can do the link thing.

Oh Maybees, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that post. It is exactly what I know but it is so comforting to hear all that stuff from someone else. Loved the positive thoughts only, am going to really try hard with that tomorrow. I just hit a slump & I know it will pass soon.

I'm do try to get out as often as possible with dc's but I am finding this bloody cold weather a killer. It's doesn't help & I feel permanently half frozen to death. It's hard to do the whole chin up, tits out in this weather .

Waves to all other dumplings.

God my nipples turned blue just at the thought Startin'

I am a black belt kick ass "DOOM" fighting bitch and proud of it.Not goin to post any history here but lets just say never going down that fecking road again.

Just keep fighting it ladies and dont let the bastards grind you down!

Get support if you feel you need it you dont need to be a hero !!!!

Big hugs Startin' and get to bed with your poultice (will help draw out any remaining poison !)x

Maybees - you are so right about getting out. I thankfully have to leave the house every week day even if it's just for a short nursery run as we have activities and the only reason I miss them is if I have to go out somewhere else. You plaster on that smile and sometimes, just for a while, it sticks.

I'm out most of the day today and H is moving out. I suspect I might be a bit of a mess later :-(. Managed to sleep through till about 5.30 but now feel too sick to lay down. At least DS is still sleeping. Am dreading having to start today properly :-(

Hi Chairmum, sending you virtual hugs again for today. It'll probably be a bit traumatic but things will start to get a bit easier for you with H out of the house. Take care & make sure to let us know how your doing.

Well Dumplings, seem to have my mojo back this morning. Still sub zero temp here but it'll pass. Went around this morn to hang up a few posters for my threadmill. Am off now for a coffee morning with a few pals yippee.

Maybees, you're so right, when I feel the doom I need to get off my arse & fight it . Positive thinking all the way today .

Waves to all........