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Original poster

Srtraw Poll - What's wrong with sleeping with somone on the first date?

195 replies

Janos · 30/11/2009 13:41

I think if you want to and feel comfortable, what's the big deal?

It still seems to be a bit taboo and I'm wondering why.

Interested to hear other people's thoughts anyway.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/12/2009 21:23

'He says that he would never, ever, judge a woman if she slept with him on the first date or just for sex, though '

Well, yeah because then, by that rationale, he'd have to judge himself by the same standards.

Original poster
Janos · 01/12/2009 21:29

Erm, ok..evangelistic then.

As BoF's tale shows, getting to know someone is no guarantee they won't turn out to be a dangerous crazy person. And of course, most people aren't

Again - this happens ALL THE TIME without anything particularly terrible happening to the particpants apart from maybe feeling a bit embarrassed, vaguely guilty or hungover.

And even if you did get an STI, which is not pleasant, you can get them treated. It doesn't make you dirty or a bad person.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/12/2009 21:32

And you can get an STI from a long-term partner or boyfriend/girlfriend, too.

winnybella · 01/12/2009 21:47

expatinscotland But...evidently...just mentioned it because earlier in the thread there were some people saying otherwise.

electra · 01/12/2009 21:48

Oh FGS Amazon - I mean consenting adults of course

BitOfFun · 01/12/2009 21:50

Rhubarb, it's not ALL the quiet ones, obviously! But I have always noticed that the phrase "He kept himself to himself" is used a LOT in news reports

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 22:00

True BoF!

However look at Ted Bundy, a good looking man who had no trouble getting a girl. They aren't always your shy retiring types you know.

However the only men who've tried to get me into bed for a one night stand have been wankers.

And I really don't want to give sexual satisfaction to a wanker.

But then I've not been single for a long time now so it's easy for me to say.

BitOfFun · 01/12/2009 22:07

What boggles me is that freakazoids like Ted Bundy and even Fred West get fanmail once they've gone to jail, even

Eee, it's a funny old world...

lou33 · 01/12/2009 22:08

lol winny

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 22:09

Do female killers get fanmail from men? It just seems to be the other way around doesn't it?

lou33 · 01/12/2009 22:13

i would sleep with anyone right now in return for being looked after an my chores being done , as i have flu

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 01/12/2009 23:54

There's also the strong possibility that if you withold sex in order to convince the bloke that you are a Nice Girl ie marriageable and he laps it up, that he is going to be abusive. Because men who have this division in their minds between 'decent' women and 'slags' are very often abusive and controlling, because they don't think women are human.

Unlikelyamazonian · 02/12/2009 00:00

I have changed my mind having read all the views.

I was wrong. Yes, it is perfectly ok to sleep with someone on first date.

I stand corrected.

MadameDuBain · 02/12/2009 00:13

I've never done much "dating" - generally I've got to know someone, fallen for them and then, if it was mutual, in the right situation we would end up in bed. That's always tended to continue into a relationship. I've also had a couple of one-night-stands with men I've just met, e.g. at a party - but in those cases I wasn't looking for anything more, so no problem as far as I can see.

I don't feel right about the "hold out longer to make yourself seem more valuable" attitude. Both sex and relationships should be about what makes you both happy, not about slotting yourself into either the "whore" or the "nice girl" category - and the fact that it's generally the woman who gets judged on that, not the man is deeply dodgy IMO.

TLESinChristmasStockings · 02/12/2009 00:31

I have had 4 serious relationships in my life. the first we didn't sleep together for a month i was 16 he was 21 no pressure from him at all. we ended up together for 5 yrs until i dumped him...we are still friends

then at 21 i met ds1's father did same with him thinking he would be same as ex bf who treated me like a princess but he was a right wanker hind sight is a wonderful thing

at 27 i met ex h slept with him first night (muslim man ) and ended up marrying him 7 months later divorced after 2 yrs.

Then I met DP and waited a week (not through a lack of trying lol) and he like first partner treats me like a princess.

Personally i don't think it is about when the woman decides they want to sleep with a man it is more to do with the attitude of the man/ompatibility (sp) of the couple.
I mean this attitude some women have of other women sleeping with men for one night or first date etc is quite sickening. Women are human as well as men and sex although special in a rrelationship is fun and enjoyable as well and when we are single we all need a bit of fun. Hell I had a few one night stands when I was single, I also had one that turned into an 18m relationship....

out of all my exes the ones I am friends with are the ones i slept with on the first night/one night stands. well with the exception of my fist b'f we are friends still and when he was getting married he told her he needed to see me first lol.

Rhubarb · 02/12/2009 11:58

UA Make sure you wear a condom though eh?

I think this thread has so many generalisations now, from myself included. About the type of women who sleep around, about quiet men, about abusive men, about rapists etc.

The Daily Mail would have a field day!

DONTtouchMUMSspecialJUICE · 02/12/2009 12:11

well... there's a good point rhubard... it really makes no difference if you hold out.. or jump in first night... both those different fellas could be rapists/murders/peodophiles.... you just cant be guaranteed.

might aswell get those condoms out and hope for a huge one

and your damned if you do, damned if you dont regarding what a fella will think of you regarding how quick you have sex with him.

so just do what you fancy, dont turn down a night of great fun simply because you are worried about what people will think of you... but do turn it down if you feel awkward/unsafe/unsure/wedding band tan lines

noddyholder · 02/12/2009 12:23

When I was dating I mostly slept with them on first dates as a lot of the time I knew it wouldn't be a relationship but I fancied them.No one ever didn't call or see me again.I have been in 2 long relationships and slept with them on the first date too both asked me to marry them!!!!Too many sexist generalisations on this thread.Sex is recreational why should people be feeling guilty about something so great.I would never rule out a relationship with a man if he slept with me on the first date so why the double standards.

expatinscotland · 02/12/2009 19:12

if i fancied 'em, i shagged 'em.

see, i saw it this way: it could work out into something more, but if not, at least i'd never wonder, 'what would it have been like to shag him?'

CornishKK · 02/12/2009 23:35

Nothing wrong with it IMO. I shagged DH before we had our first date, no point wasting time.

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