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Original poster

Srtraw Poll - What's wrong with sleeping with somone on the first date?

195 replies

Janos · 30/11/2009 13:41

I think if you want to and feel comfortable, what's the big deal?

It still seems to be a bit taboo and I'm wondering why.

Interested to hear other people's thoughts anyway.

OP posts:
Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 17:50

that was long winded. what I mean was, what would you advise your daughters?

lou33 · 01/12/2009 17:53

i would advise my daughters to only do it if they were sure they want to, not being pressured into it and practising safe sex

RealityIsHungover · 01/12/2009 17:53

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Message withdrawn

juicy12 · 01/12/2009 18:06

Nothing wrong with it. Had quite a few one-offs at uni to no detrimental effect. Met DH through friends, engaged in all but FP on first night and 15 yrs later it's all still rosy.

TLESinChristmasStockings · 01/12/2009 18:10

I still don't get why it is accepted that men do this and its ok but in society women are seen as slags for doing the same thing!!

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:14

i agree

electra · 01/12/2009 18:17

Nothing wrong with it at all - people should do whatever they want.

busybeingmum · 01/12/2009 18:19

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Message withdrawn

Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 18:19

well I will sleep with your husband then. I can do what I want.

It's our first date (didn't know he was married)..he can't use condoms because he 'has had the snip' and we have drunk half of islington between us...or is there a golden rule - no shagging on first date unless both 100 per cent sober and kitted out with all necessary protection ?

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:21

i dont think this thread is about if it is ok to sleep with married men, just about if it is ok to have sex on the first date

busybeingmum · 01/12/2009 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 18:21

Fred West did whatever he wanted.

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:22

how is that relevent to the op?

Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 18:27

I wouldnt tell my son its ok either.

and if some hussy tried to pressurise him because 'that's what she wanted' I would suggest he remembers that when they wake up in the morning they might cry rape. you have to be caaarreeeeful

SolidGoldBangers · 01/12/2009 18:27

Finished my pint .

Is it cheating that this happened in swingers' clubs rather than just randomly halfway round Sainsburys or something?

Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 18:29

its directly relevant. ie Fred West presumably 'felt comfortable' as janos suggested.

but he was a total nutter. they exist.

dont shag on a first date. its not rocket science. This is like reading Jackie in the 1970s

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:31

its totally irrelevent

the op isnt saying anything wrt the fact they may have only just met and knew nothing about each other, just that it was the first time they dated

and fred west was hardly your stereotypical example of an average male, the two things dont even compare

TLESinChristmasStockings · 01/12/2009 18:33

SGB.....They are fun interesting places to go aren't they lol

SolidGoldBangers · 01/12/2009 18:33

UA don't be ridiculous. Most people who like no-strings sex are not dangerous total nutters. And TBH it's more likely to be the romantic women who have believed the bullshit about waiting for true love who come unstuck with predators and abusers: romantics are not good at seeing warning lights and romantic women are often very bad at asserting themselves. However, if you like casual sex and do it a lot you get very good instincts about who to avoid (creeps, whiners, married men etc).

Unlikelyamazonian · 01/12/2009 18:36

ok. I bow to your superior fred westy-type sexual encounter knowledge.

Have you ever sat through a morning's cases in a magistrates court? or in the old bailey where some of them end up?

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:39

these are rare events statistically

you are basically branding every man who partakes in casual sex as a dangerous sexual predator/psychopath, and all women who do the same as feckless wanton and incapable of making a good judgement call

its ridiculous

expatinscotland · 01/12/2009 18:50

Well, I had sex with loads of men I hadn't even been on a date with and not a one was a dangerous nutter.

Randy, and usually drunk, but harmless other than a few who liked adventurous (consensual) sex.

Some become relationships - I was married to one for 8 years and we only split because he didn't want kids - some didn't.

Condoms always used, btw.

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2009 18:51

I think it's a little disrespectful to the victims of Fred West actually, to use them as an example on a thread about first night date sex.

I don't think any of them were actually on dates with him. They accepted lifts from him or entered his house under false pretences - the presence of his wife there makes it clear that most of them weren't even thinking in terms of sex.

SolidGoldBangers · 01/12/2009 18:55

UA: also many very abusive men don't fuck on first dates. They turn on the romantic charm until they've got their victim convinced it's 'love' then they beat the shit out of her/destroy her psychologically/take her life savings.
Also, as HerBeatitude says, the really dangerous, serial rapists/murderers don't take victims on dates, they stalk, kidnap, snatch off the street etc. But they are pretty rare - much less common than the average domestic abuser who doesn't abuse on first dates...

lou33 · 01/12/2009 18:56

i agree hb