Why hasn't he asked me out again??!

[BEAUTlFUL]

Met this bloke online-dating. He was very keen, chased me until I agreed to go out with him. We met for dinner and had such a good time. He walked me home, brief kiss on lips.

Next day he was text-happy, arranging second date. I couldn't see him for a week, and he kept in touch, even going back to the online-dating site and sending me a really sweet message to say he missed me so much, he had to look at my photos.

Second date was lunch. I felt very shy but we had a good laugh. I did tell him that I had a couple more coffee-dates with online men coming up (and was going speeddating). Maybe that was a mistake, but it was true!

That day, he kissed me on the cheek, sent a few more texts (keen ones) then... nuthin. I've had one more text and a couple of friendly but platonic emails.

WHY???!!!! I really like him, what is going on?

Please don't tell me to "tell him you like him" as I'm too cynical. Surely if he liked me, he'd ask me out again?

hang on, you say

'I've had one more text and a couple of friendly but platonic emails. '

when were those?

Is he not wating for a reply, is it your turn?

I think we should all get the hint and realise the OP isnt going to make the move so we might be waiting along time for the outcome.

I suppose it's her turn to sned a chatty platonic email, but she still wants HIM to ask for the next date!

Thank you all so much for your posts on here. I have decided to make this into a steely-nerved Love-Test, for the benefit of Mumsnet Singletons. I will boldly go where no drunk woman with a mobile has ever gone before and not contact him. Not a word! Nothing! And then see what he's made of. If he likes me, he will get in touh. If he doesn't, he won't - and I will have lost nothing.

I will update you if anything happens. Thanks again.

Way to go - completely putting your life into the hands of others. Always an excellent idea

Good plan IMO

But I am right

Nooooo! What if he is just as nervous as you?! What if you gave him the impression that you're not into him, with your comment about other dates?

Poor guy...and now you're giving him the cold shoulder. Maybe you don't like him?

You have nothing to lose - sending one text is not 'pursuing' someone, pursuing them is sitting outside their home with a bacon butty and a telescope, and is BAD. A text is GOOD - it shows you are a chilled, modern, strong woman, who likes him, and he is free to answer as he wishes.

Don't let pride be your worst enemy- just phone or text him. It shows greater character, and "The Rules" etc bear little relation to reality imo.

Bad decision IMO.

I can't stand game playing at any stage of relationships - you telling him you were going on more dates (whilst on a date with him!) puts the ball firmly in your court. He's texted and emailed you since which surely dhows he's interested?

You've got to initiate contact with him at least once or it looks like you're not interested!

Not sure if you replied or not to the emails and texts he sent you recently?

If you DID then I can just see reason to hang fire- if you DIDN'T then i can see how he might not bother again, especially as you said you were playing the field.

In any case, at such an early stage of the relationship, I think a bit of encouragement is better- I'd just ask if he wants to meet upp again- if no reply or he wriggles out of it, then you know- he is surely not going to commit to a date again if he doesn't want that-as some kind of act of kindness!- even if you ask him out- so you'd have your answer then.

BEAUTIFUL - you told the man you were going out with other blokes on dates. You have not rung him. Result one lonely unhappy man thinking she has gone off wth someone else and that he should not ring you only to be told he is not longer in the frame.

On the other hand you could ring hm and say you have been ut with the other men and cannot stop thnking about him and you want to see him again. Result one enormously happy bloke - and you would be happy too.

How hard can this be?

Blimey, I know naff all about dating really, but I agree with the majority.

I am a very shy, nervous person but if I really liked someone and thought they liked me then i'd at least be txting to find out what was happening next.

Don't let your nerves spoil this for you. I once broke off a date with someone basically because I was so nervous I thought i'd muck it up, and I have never regretted anything as much since, and it was years and years ago.

Just txt him, at the very least you will then know where you stand.

beautiful if he was interested nothing would stop him from getting in touch with you and you would already have that next date in your diary
IME the word 'soon' in man talk is just a polite way of saying thanks,but no thanks..
if i were you i'd chalk it upto experience and move onto the next chappie
def.don't text or call him
btw.it's great that you're getting on with life after your split with exh and all the best for weds date!

A brief(ish) story about how DH and I got together...we worked for the same company, but in totally unrelated jobs. We had an, erm liason at a company do which blew me away. Over the next couple of weeks I couldn't stop thinking about him. We'd see each other very occasionally at work, would say hello, etc., (I remember once seeing him bent over in the tea room, I nearly passed out with passion! ).

Anyway, it got so that I had to do something about it...so I saw him in the office one day and sent him an email, something along the lines of, "Hi, my you're looking fine today" Honestly, I am so shy usually, but I just couldn't get him out of my head. Within a couple of minutes I had an email back asking me out - result!

He was in a bad place at the time (had just split from his wife), wanted to do something about me but was really scared to make the move. Thankfully I did, and the rest - as they say - is history Oh, this all happened nearly 11 years ago

So Beautiful...that's why my thoughts are you should just go for it.

Move on

Thanks, BoF and SeriouslyBlonde! I agree.

I did answer his text and emails, but lightheartedly and briefly, so ball resides in his court.

I was a bit thrown by the "soon" on his after-date text, thinking (like blonde) that it is bloke-speak for "never".

Oh well. Next!

I'm sorry but are you 13? You're going to make this into a "love test"? Don't you realise that men have pride and as you've said you're seeing other people he won't want to risk losing face by contacting you to be told you've picked Another Man (or Men) instead of Him. Well its your life but in your shoes I'd drop him a line saying you'd like to meet up.

ring him - you have nothing to lose.

Gawn....

I think that by NOT chasing him you are acting with a certain style and mystery. I believe that if you pursue a man you will continue to do so throughout your relationship - there is something great about really being pursued in a passionate way by a bloke that decides he is attracted to you in that way and you are HAPPY for him to chase you.

Way to go BEAUTIFUL. If he likes you he will get in touch - however if he does not then you will not be left with a feeling of rejection should he knock you back.

It is nothing to do with letting someone else control your life - you are in control by deciding that if he wants you then he will have to come get you.

Simple as.

For goodness sake! Give me his number; I'll ring him for you!

And weren't you listening to ABetaDad? He speaks sense!

fruitysunshine are you me in disguise lol

I agree with Abetadad.

Let him know how you feel! ...Just don't let your emotions be reliant upon his response

Think of it this way, you are prepared to walk away anyway if nothing's doing but by being open about his effect on you, you are providing the opportunity for clarity all 'round.

I'm a grade 'A' ditherer and have never before had the self confidence to make the first move but I tried it recently, while keeping a firm grasp on my feelings (they are my responsibility after all).

The response was mutual! 'Though we both decided that for a number of reasons we wouldn't enter into a relationship.

However, because we communicated, can communicate and do appreciate each others values and existance within our respective worlds, we are close friends now.

I'd rather gain a new friend than nothing at all, when attraction goes beyond just asthetics but that's maybe just me

Beautiful - I do think you are doing the right thing by not contacting him.

I'm of the firm opinion that if a guy wants wants to see you, then he should go out of his way and make the effort. Faint heart never won fair lady and all that.

If he can't be bothered to do that, well, it doesn't bode well, does it?

Next!

My view is that once you get past teenage years, all this faux-coy fluttering of fans and "let the man do the pursuing" stuff is slightly worrying and smacks of someone who reads too much Mills & Boon.

As an adult man myself I'd much rather be with a woman who is confident, honest and isn't afraid to ask for what she wants. All this "I might like you, I might not, but I'm not going to tell you because then it'll make it too easy for you so you've got to pursue me all the way" is juvenile game-playing bollocks.

If you like the man, call him and tell him. If you don't, don't. If you want to play games, get a Wii.