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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I will be a strong and independent woman...

185 replies

norksinmywaistband · 21/11/2009 20:35

I no longer believe I am a fucking muppet.
I chose to believe the man I loved and strived to make our marriage work for a year while he was playing me and having the best of me and OW.

I will make it through this and I know I will be a stronger person than ever before, I know I can achieve whatever I need for myself and my DC.

It has not even been 3 weeks but already I am feeling the freedom from his control and taking it back for myself

Today He has returned the admission form and Arrangements for DC form to me duly signed Will hand it to my solicitor on Monday and she can file the petition for divorce.

Thankyou for all the support over the last couple of weeks when I have been to the brink and back. I still have a long hard slog ahead of me ( I know the financial stuff will not be an easy ride, and he is still playing mind games) But I am over the worst and planning my future.

I needed to start this new thread because my feelings about myself have changed and the old title was dragging me down by transporting me back to that feeling , I have moved on from that.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2009 19:14

fulaani, norks is certainly someone to take inspiration from....

are you ok ?

Fulaani · 19/12/2009 19:44

I will be ok.

As long as i become a strong and independent woman.

Thanks for your concern AnyFuckerForAMincepie

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2009 19:54

perhaps you could start your own thread fulaani ??

or even tell us here what brought you to this point, I'm sure norks wouldn't mind sharing this one...

or just absorb the positive vibes

you will find support on here

norksinmychristmasstocking · 20/12/2009 00:02

Fullani, please share what has brought you to this point, I think if this thread can support more than one of us then that is all to the good.
Not in the best place to chat tonight, as have had rather too much vino, but will be back on in the morning.

Lovely evening with my friends, no texts so a top night for me, speak in the morning if not a rather pissed one

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2009 10:57

how is your head today norks

norksinmychristmasstocking · 20/12/2009 12:24

Put it this way, have told the DC we are having a special day, called a PJ day
Head not to bad, but defintely could have done with more sleep, currently eating satsumas by the bucket load - fell I need some healthy food.

norksinmychristmasstocking · 20/12/2009 12:25

Just had to check threads I'm on as really don't remember if I posted on many threads last night when I got in
But looks safe enough

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2009 14:31

haha, but what about that one where you were telling us about your collection of bedroom toys...

norksinmychristmasstocking · 21/12/2009 21:35

Bad day today - nothing has happened, just that everything is so christmassy, and I feel anything but.
I just feel so angry isolated and alone atm.
I miss having someone to share my evenings with.

So I put my music on and re read my thread before this one.

I am still lonely and sad, but it has refreshed in my head why I am going through this, and it is just a journey which will have ups and downs, bit like snakes and ladders rather than an escalator to happiness.

Really could do without christmas though not feeling particularly jolly, but having to appear so for DC

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 21/12/2009 21:41

it's just another day to get through

albeit, a ridiculously sentimental one

tell yourself it is business as usual

norksinmychristmasstocking · 21/12/2009 21:49

I know it is just a day, but I have always been a christmas person, and now because of his revelations and what happened last NYE it will always be tainted iyswim.

Sorry just a bit low in general today

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 21/12/2009 22:14

what a shame that this time of year will always be spoiled for you

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 15:10

Feeling very strange today. Dc off later with Ex for their normal Wed contact.

I really do not want to even exchange one word with him today - I know I will find it very hard to bite my tongue in front of the DC but I will.

I just want to scream - YOU FUCKING WANKER, HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE EXCHANGING PLEASANTRIES WHEN THIS TIME LAST YEAR YOU WAVED GOODBYE TO YOUR MARRIAGE BY FUCKING THAT SLUT!!!

and breathe, sorry if I didn't yell it on here I might make a fool of myself later

mankymummymoo · 23/12/2009 15:17

Maybe you could hand him an envelope looking like a christmas card and instead of a card insert a very small piece of paper with the word "Tosser" on it.

I have a friend who did this to her ex - she still laughs out loud now when she thinks of what his face must have been like !

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 15:40

Now that sounds like fun

Hunibee · 23/12/2009 16:42

Norks,

Your anger is more than justified and it is a good sign. I wonder if its heightened at the moment (making you feel strange) as it is so close to Christmas.

The impact of that date for you this year is so emotional. While he was doing his own version of 'giving' to OW this time last year, he was taking away the right of your DCs to have their own family Christmas. The fact that he turns up to take them out, nice as pie, must stretch your patience to the limit. What a git he is.

I know that 'lost' relationships in our family (because of divorce etc) tend to come to our minds at Christmas. It always feels such a waste.

Hang on in there, be 'Mrs Bland' when you have to deal with him, then he won't really have a clue what you are thinking.

(Am liking the 'tosser in an envelope idea!

Hunibee · 23/12/2009 16:43

Norks,

Your anger is more than justified and it is a good sign. I wonder if its heightened at the moment (making you feel strange) as it is so close to Christmas.

The impact of that date for you this year is so emotional. While he was doing his own version of 'giving' to OW this time last year, he was taking away the right of your DCs to have their own family Christmas. The fact that he turns up to take them out, nice as pie, must stretch your patience to the limit. What a git he is.

I know that 'lost' relationships in our family (because of divorce etc) tend to come to our minds at Christmas. It always feels such a waste.

Hang on in there, be 'Mrs Bland' when you have to deal with him, then he won't really have a clue what you are thinking.

(Am liking the idea of the 'Tosser in an envelope' )

Hunibee · 23/12/2009 16:44

OOps!

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 19:55

Ok DC are back and in bed.

Was unable to stay totally nonchalant, as he was leaving I said Have fun, he said what do you mean by that, I just said well it is your anniversary and shut the door

a bit but I wanted him to know That he is a twat and I remember that.

mankymummymoo · 23/12/2009 20:33

I think thats fine.

Give him something to think about.

Is he still with OW?

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 20:42

Well he says no, but says she does his washing, cooks him meals and he pops in for coffee - so what do you think

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 20:42

IMO YES

mankymummymoo · 23/12/2009 20:44

I think... if thats true what he says, she's a mug.

And in any case... poor her, she's got it coming - leopards dont change their spots.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 23/12/2009 20:54

coffee ?

is that what he calls it ???

< splutters rose wine out of gob >

fucking hell, she is a mug no matter which way you look at it

stoopid woman

norksinmychristmasstocking · 23/12/2009 20:56

You do make me AF