I will be a strong and independent woman...

[norksinmywaistband]

I no longer believe I am a fucking muppet.
I chose to believe the man I loved and strived to make our marriage work for a year while he was playing me and having the best of me and OW.

I will make it through this and I know I will be a stronger person than ever before, I know I can achieve whatever I need for myself and my DC.

It has not even been 3 weeks but already I am feeling the freedom from his control and taking it back for myself

Today He has returned the admission form and Arrangements for DC form to me duly signed Will hand it to my solicitor on Monday and she can file the petition for divorce.

Thankyou for all the support over the last couple of weeks when I have been to the brink and back. I still have a long hard slog ahead of me ( I know the financial stuff will not be an easy ride, and he is still playing mind games) But I am over the worst and planning my future.

I needed to start this new thread because my feelings about myself have changed and the old title was dragging me down by transporting me back to that feeling , I have moved on from that.

amen

here is another for ya (not in front of kiddiwinks )

very atmospheric

Am liking the philosophy

btw, tell me stop posting random kick-ass music if you like norks, but am kinda enjoying it

I have a veritable library of inspirational nonsense in my head

Don't stop I like the like ass music and inspirational nonsense, it makes sense and helps keep me focussed.

Today I just feel exhausted, my body in finally giving in to the lack of rest my mind has forced on it. Unfortunately this is a madly busy time of year, and I started a second care job today, and have my DF visiting tomorrow to discuss finances.

Shit face has changed tack again, since obviously crying at me didn't work he is now going for over accommodationg and nice as pie don't think he has pulled the wool over my eyes with that one.
Last night I had a "caring"text to say get an early night as I have had a hectic weekend wtf.
This eve, he popped round to let me know he is going to dd's school play so will pick her up on Wed( his normal contact day) and handed me a bar of chocolate - because he knows I like it!!!!
Does he really think this will work - I reminded him btw that he was meant to ring before turning up as a matter of courtesy as he has been informed by my solicitor. H said it had slipped his mind - Yeah right

whatevvv-errrr

lol at ass music

I did say I was tired

There's a developing theme to his behaviour... rabbit in the headlights!!

Who's giving him advice? - The Muppets?

Its the way he's lurching from one mode of operation to another which gives him away. Could he not be more subtle and stick to one for more than a few days?

I'm glad you are up to speed with all the legal aspects of his contact with you - do you wonder if he is playing a game, or has he not really read the paperwork and understood that its about him? Its just another aspect of him not really getting the fact that you are in charge- it hasn't quite sunk in. Going to be a HUGE shock when he wakes up to the idea that its really over this time.

Good on you for your strength. Although you are tired, you will continue to get energy from moving forward. Staying in his world was the thing that was sucking the life out of you.

Hunnibee, I really don't think he is laying a game about the legal aspects bit- think he is just very forgetful and has poor recall.

You are right though much easier to spot his tactics when he changes them so frequently, no time for me to become taken in before he moves on- thank goodness.

DF Came to visit today, and I feel quite down following his visit. I know he has the ability to help me out with the clean break deal, but did not even offer when he mentioned it, just said to speak to my grandmother at Xmas as she is keen to help.
I just feel it was a bit of wasted visit- he knew what I wanted to talk about and said he needed to talk to me about it face to face, but he didn't really say anything he couldn't have said on the phone.

I think it is because I really really wanted to be able to go for the clean break deal, but talking to my BF tonight I think that is more to ease my conciense about H having nothing and not being able to move on with his life - Maybe I felt in my head that it would mean he would let me get on with mine.

Anyways, still have my DGM to speak to at Xmas, hope she will be more helpful, but if not he will just have to wait until the DC finish school for any money to move on.

I guess I am feeling trapped by the idea of hanging a financial settlement possibly hanging over me for up to 15 years.

I know I am a get it sorted and move on type of person and this has hit hard, think I may be struggling with everything more than I thought. I think i need it finished and complete to reassure myself I will not weaken

Norks, I know what you mean about getting it finished, I feel the same although in my case actually finding it hard to get started let alone get it finished.

If you can I would keep trying to find a way to get the clean break option to work. You don't want it hanging over you. Equally, though if you can't get a clean break in the end think you just need to agree the best deal you can and then find a way to put it to the back of your mind.

Today is fucking shit, DD up all night with tooth pain, so emergency dentist this morning - the result is she is teething!!!!

Water leak last night and failed at independence at the first hurdle. turned the CH off and the stopcock, then realised it was the stopcock that was leaking- had to ring H to find out how to turn the mains off outside the house but wasn't strong enough, so he had to come round and do it for me Now have no water or heating plummer coming this pm, god knows how much it will cost, but definately will not be going out with my mates as planned this weekend

And now with all my rushing around I have walked Fox shit right through the house and have no water to clean up properly.

I am knackered and feel defeated at the first hurdle

oi

there will be many more "hurdles"

better get used to it

but you will learn all this practical stuff

because that is what it is, just stuff

you can do it

Plumber just been, needed a new valve and seal, damage was not as bad as it could have been, water and heat back on and have scrubbed the carpets.
Blip over and done with, think I was just peed off as had loads I wanted to get done today.

see ?

chalk it up, onwards.....

What a day you have had and come out through the other end.

Independence is one thing and you will soon be doing loads of day to day stuff without thinking about it. More importantly, you are not alone in this and its these many theads of support you are building at the moment which will help you believe you can do it.

What you said about your ex being forgetful and has poor recall... sadly I can relate to that. My DH has all those familiar traits and has to be 'reminded' occasionally that he has DCs and family stuff that he needs to do!

Hope that Calpol gives you some respite from your DDs teething.

the world keeps turning
despite my hurt.
you never appreciated me, never understood what what we had was worth
One day when we look back , separately,
on what life could have been
you will see regret and feel remorse
I will only see freedom and the dawning of a new life.
Once we were made for one another, but you failed
I did not and therefore will survive this hurt,
so much better than you
I am a strong and independent woman
who does not need or want to be with a man who will not acknowledge that

Sorry have had a few galsses of wine tonight after a stressful day and though I would share some mumblngs

are they your own mumblings ?

enjoy your wine

Yes they are - why can you see how shit they are?? or how wine induced??

they seem to sum you up so well, they had to be your own words

liking the "new life" bit

What a week.
Currently sinking a bottle of wine. He has the DC for the weekend.
Started off great - new job
DC been stars
Then the non result from my DF
then the plumbing incident
Then my DF announces in his Xmas letter thing all the details of my break up- cue phonecalls from people I don't wish to talk to asking if I am ok
Then tonight H announces he is now on AD's and referred for counselling, soon after he mentioned that his mate is pooping here to pick up his van keys he is leaving for me to hand over - not happening thanks - please sort it out for yourself. He also rang earlier and asked me to pick something up from the GP for him- err NO

Still I am here another week survived

< raises glass >

< clinks >

you have my admiration, lady

yeah, cry him a fucking river....

fancy a Thornton's ? Don't have the white champagne flavour, they are mine

well if you have nicked the best whats left for me?

Am jealous btw - you have thorntons I have celebrations.

you can have the coffee flavour

Thanks for that

Think yourselves lucky -

We got Quality Street from my MIL!

Yum!