I will be a strong and independent woman...

[norksinmywaistband]

I no longer believe I am a fucking muppet.
I chose to believe the man I loved and strived to make our marriage work for a year while he was playing me and having the best of me and OW.

I will make it through this and I know I will be a stronger person than ever before, I know I can achieve whatever I need for myself and my DC.

It has not even been 3 weeks but already I am feeling the freedom from his control and taking it back for myself

Today He has returned the admission form and Arrangements for DC form to me duly signed Will hand it to my solicitor on Monday and she can file the petition for divorce.

Thankyou for all the support over the last couple of weeks when I have been to the brink and back. I still have a long hard slog ahead of me ( I know the financial stuff will not be an easy ride, and he is still playing mind games) But I am over the worst and planning my future.

I needed to start this new thread because my feelings about myself have changed and the old title was dragging me down by transporting me back to that feeling , I have moved on from that.

your home, and the dc's

he is just a visitor, on your terms

I bet your manner is really unnerving him. He thought he was walking on water while he was playing away, could do whatever he wanted... and then you found out!

Whoops!

And now he can't quite cope with the fact that you are managing without him, indeed you are aleady starting to erase him from your life. Don't think that was in his 'plan'!

You've done a backflip in your relationship and any control he had (or thought he had) has been permanantly removed. Stick to your guns and use all of your charms to make sure that he provides some security for his DCs.

In the meantime, enjoy tweaking YOUR home so it is the way that YOU want it.

OMG, feeling felly nervous, have just arranged to meet with the old friend who might have this job opportunity coming up, to see how practical it would be and if it is something I would be interested in.
Main concern is he can only make it this pm between 4 and 6, witching hour for the DC. Oh well if I can get through this it will show me I could cope with being back in the workplace proper I suppose.
I am quite excited as well, seeing I have been quite down over the last few days, really feels like my new life is beginning whether I want it to or not.

ohhhh, good luck

will think of you later

My mind is in a total whirl, this job thing is mad!!!!

Basically it will mean sourcing my own clients and setting up as an autonomous practitioner, with the backing of an established company. he has offered me a retainer while I get my registration back and source and set up the paperwork, source clients etc, to start when I feel ready.
He is talking of a long term partnership with long term plans.

Seems to good to be true, I know I can do it and would be ideal, just not if I am totally ready to take on such a big commitment when my life is already upside down, but maybe that really is the best time!!

If I get 5 clients then the money would be good, and he seemed really understanding about the fact I was now a single parent and the DC need to come first over work during this period.

Thoughts, ideas, excitement, concern, OMG

The best thing was he had absolutely no doubts of my abilities and really felt I could do this

Actually that wasn't the best thing, the best thing was that the DC were fantastic well behaved and then fabulous at bedtime.

Can you tell I am in a positive mood

Really good news for a change Norks so happy for you

Good luck take a deep breathe and if you feel you can---do it.

Keep posting it's great to read just have you have come in such a short time

I know Doha, cannot believe it is only 4 weeks ago, that I still thought he was going to be moving back in, and all that has happened since.

Just spoke to my DF who has basically said that the job won't start for 10 months, If I don't feel up to it then, I don't have to do it (but he and I know I will be in a much better place by then) Also his attitude is no financial outlay, guy clearly wants me on board, go for it

Also Df is coming down next week to help me sort out the financial side of things on the divorce, I am a very lucky lady to have such great support.

just seen this norks

bloody fantastic news

what a clever woman you are !!

and great frinds you have too, but no more than you deserve !

omg, dickface will be spitting

Hopefully as you are feeling so much more positive your DC's will sense this. This makes them so much more secure and reflects on their angelic behaviour tonight.
Give yourself a massive slap on the back--l can't reach!!!

Just seen this and am totally made up for you!

This is concrete evidence that you have a host of choices about your future and you have got more support from friends than you had imagined.

Keep that feeling of elation in your mind and summon it up everytime you think you're slipping into negative thoughts.

Fan-Bloomin-Tastic!!

Another step forward.

Ok this have taken a turn for the shit side- not unexpected on my part but still
Spoke with H on Wed eve about DC, and financial things, he implied that maybe in a couple of years I wil see things differently. I was honest and told him that after what he has put me through He is lucky I am still being civil and that our relationship is buried as far as I am concerned.

Since then I have had constant texts, phone messages telling me how sorry he is how he is not coping and how much he will always love me til his dying day
I have remained calm and factual throughout, I know I do not have to reply to these things but when he picked up the DC he seemed so odd and forgive me mentally unstable that I have spoken to him on the phone tonight, just to gauge things.
I think He will be ok with DC, but he seems very emotionally labile, so I am a bit concerned

Oh Norks, this must be taking it out of you.

He seems to have a short memory - not so long ago, he was lying to you (big time), playing happy families whilst having his end away with another woman.

How did he expect it to turn out? Did he think he could carry on like that indefinitely?

Of course he is playing the 'take me back... please card'. You were his insurance policy - and now you have cancelled it. Suddenly it doesn't look like an insurance policy, but a wonderful home life, with his wife and children. And he has crashed and burned that option now. With Christmas on the horizon, he is probably looking like a bit of a sh*t to his friends and feeling like one too. 'Jack the Lad' is looking a bit more like 'Jack the Sad'.

I can understand that you feel for him and his mental state. And its right to keep a close eye on him when he has the DCs.

I can't help but think that he did not appear to have the same concern for you when he was dipping his stick elsewhere and was able to lie to you for a long time. He was manipulative then, be careful that he is not just taking that behaviour to a new level.

God, I'm going on and on... just go with your instincts Norks, see how the DCs are when they come back. It could be that he is remorseful - but whether that is about being found out, or about realising what he has lost remains to be seen,

Take care.

Thanks for the wise words Hunibee, I do believe having seen him earlier today that he is emotionally wrecked, but like you said whether the reason is regret, remorse or manipulative remains to be seen, but he looks ill...

This however does not change my position on things and quite frankly, whatever he is feeling it will pass and he will move on as I am not giving him a choice in that.

He even had the ordasity to hint that he now know how I have been feeling over the past month - I corrected him that he had no idea, as I had not lied cheated or decieved him in any way and anything he was feeling as a result of his own actions so if he thought he knew what I had been through think again. I also said that the difference in how we handle things is that I am a strong woman with solid morals who has fantastic support from friends and family and that has got me through, he is a coward and a spineless man with little support and I will not be his support as in the past.

I am struggling so much with this, BUT I will come through it like everything else and tbh seeing him as such a pathetic excuse for a man, makes me more and more resolute in my future plans.

OH Wondeful Norks what a truely wonderful reply you gave.

What a great job you're doing - I am in the same position as you more or less and I think you're doing really well so far

< waves back at IYHAYKI>

Sorry you are going through this too

ok norks, I have been saving this post for just this moment

because, you know, I knew it would come

it was inevitable and totally expected from the minute you made such a clear decision to end your relationship properly, and he finally twigged that you meant it

he ruined it

he got far too many chances from you in the 1st place (which he should have been grateful for, but no, he decided to carry on shagging around)

he thought he could do exactly the fuck as he pleased

now he pays, but that really is not your problem

he will have a shit xmas

he chose that, you didn't

and norks, that reply you gave him was truly fucking brilliant

You are a real inspiration Norks- good for you. His misery is of his own making, it serves him bloody right. Your reply was absolutely perfect

Song is perfect as usual AF

I am pleased my rely meets with such approval - Best thing was I meant every word.

I think I have realised in the last couple of days as realisation has been hitting him, just how little respect he had for me, not only the lies but the absolute certainty in his mind that I would "get over it"

Unable to believe it just a few short weeks ago, I really am feeling less and less for him as time goes on

yes, it was obvious he thought you would have a little tantrum at his antics, make him do a little penance then things would go on exactly as they did before

except you have had your eyes opened

and he is a twat who is not worth your love and respect

norks, this makes wonderful reading. I'm a few weeks behind you in a similar situation. I've also been blessed with lots of support from friends and family, and am starting to see that H's behaviour won't do him any favours in the long run. Every week, I feel less and less for him. There's no love there at all now.

You are a real inspiration, I hope I can be half as strong as you sound to be.

OMG what a classic.

Toss features just popped round to return DD's hairbrush, which yet again he had convienently forgotten to bring back.

I opened the door and am sure he could hear pixie belting out the appropriate lyrics as he stood on the doorstep, I have been listening to it quite loud and he couldn't fail to hear, he tried a stilted conversation in the hallway, mumbled that it obviously was not a good time like when would be. and left.

Thanks again for that one AFFAMP

Tiredoftherain, there are many ups and downs on this journey, but we are all made of stronger stuff than we first believe in those dark and miserable early days.
Feelings fade slowly, but the joy in small achievements you make on your own as you begin very slowly to carve a future for you and your DC really do make the dark days become blips in the life that is now yours and will be more positive day by day.

I am by no means there yet but the title of this thread is there for a reason- I remind myself every day I log on, that I have a future and it will be a good one.

Look after yourself easier said than done in the early days , but to come out the other side for your DC it is essential.