I am such a F*****g muppet :(

[norksinmywaistband]

Please help me through the next hour til best friend arrives.

Those of you who know my story will probably say told you so.

H has just told me he has been shagging someone else.... the same someone I have questioned him abot several times over the ast 9 months

DC are still up I need to be normal, plaese talk and keep me calm

I am angry with him, not for the affair, but for the ongoing deceipt and lies he has told.
Not sure I will ever move past that.
but am sure it will turn to ambivilance in time.

Dc will be back at 6pm tonight - I just texted him to find out the time as forgot to arrange it yesterday.

Am going xmas shopping then to a friends for lunch - Have found that I can eat if I have food put in front of me but have no motivation to make anything as don't feel hungry.

Sleep is very much as you described

Norks you are doing really well.

I would have not been so calm about the suicide threat - think rant along the lines of what the fuck do you want me to do about it you selfish egocentric wanker. Obviously much longer with MUCH more swearing.

The deceit (sp?? that just doesn't look right ) is really shit isn't it? It makes you question your own judgment about people.

I hope you have a really good day with your mates.

Yes, have a good day Norks - treat yourself too!

I agree, food is usually a bit more tempting when someone else has prepared it

checking in with you norksy

did you get me summat nice for xmas?

seriously, I hope you got yourself a little treat...

I expect you will be busy with dc stuff for the next couple of hours, might see you later

Just on here while i wait for Dc to come back, due between 5 and 6 still no sign

Have had a good day, got quite a bit of xmas shopping done
Lovely roast cooked by bf
And went for a long run this morning(first time I have felt like in 2 weeks ) and it felt goood to be doing something for me

Wish I could get you something AF you have been a star over the last 9 months always seem to be around when things go tits up for me

Where the hell are they, had a text at 5.10 to say they might be a few minutes late. ffs they go to bed in less than an hour now

Norks,

Hang on in there. I really feel for you.

There might be a simple explanation. I hope thats all it is.

On the other hand, if he is messing you around, keep your cool, learn from it and make sure you scream into a cushion out of range of your DCs.

You are already moving away from him in your own mind - I can see that from your posts - even if it is only tiny steps.

Don't let him pull you back into his world. Stay strong.

hope the dc got back ok and not too late.

Dont let him see that it gets to you.

just to hear that you are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel would be fab for me...

hope the kids are not too knacked and whingey now they have finally arrived home

DC arrived back at 7.20, already in Pjs, so he obviously wasn't rushing that much
I remained very calm, so much so that he was trying to goad me into saying he was in the wrong and that I was upset by it. I kept cool and just said as long as the children were happy and ok then it was obviously one of those things - Totally manipulative on his part.

He then asked me if I had eaten and was looking after myself - I relied I was looking after myself thankyou very much as I had 2 DC to care for not that it was any of his business any more.

He went quiet said goodnight to the DC and left.

DC now in bed, feel I didn't get more time with them this evening, but next weekend is ours

ohh norks, you sound bloody brilliant

just keep deflecting his "concern" as completely inconsequential to you

because it is

plan some lovely dc things for next weekend, that involve fun and being outdoors, then home for hot chocolate and sweeties

also, think about how you want to spend your next child-free time

that involves girly wine-drinking and carousing, new Twilight film ?, also hot chocolate and sweetie-scoffing should be in there too

becaue you know that he is looking after number 1, don't you ?

I am fully aware he is looking after no.1 and has been for a very long time.
I will definately have fun with DC next weekend, really looking forward to it
Hopefully in a couple of weeks when he next has DC I will be ready to enjoy myself a bit with friends, rather than mope and feel sorry for myself.

Keep looking forward.

You have coped amazingly well tonight. Be proud of yourself and the strength of your resolve.

It still a complete bummer that you are having to deal with this, but every time you see through his games is another step towards you getting your life back.

Make some fun plans for next weekend and keep the good moments from today in your mind - they will soon drown out the bad ones.

Sorry I have not been on this thread for a bit, rl has overtaken somewhat.
DD has been having major problems adjusting since the weekend and I have been struggling to deal with it.
H has received the first solicitor letter asking him for his admission statement. He has told me that until he received that he really believed we had a chance which id why he told ow it was over on friday( she has told him as I suspected that she will await his decision - she obviously understands the way he works nearly as well as I do)

Also have been having major thinks about getting myself sterilised - I know this may seem a rash decision but I was catorgarically told not to have anymore DC after 2 horrendous births I nearly didn't make it through - H had a vasectomy, but I need to ensure I will always be around for DC and therefore feel I need to do this.

Will obviously think some more before making a final decision but feel it is something that me and DC need me to do.

Hi Norks - I think your H is just trying to put a spanner in the works saying he thought you would get back together - If he truly wanted that he has had loads of time to do something about the situation. And it shows he thought he could do what he wanted and you would always be there for him.

You have taken control and he isn't happy about it. Stay strong.

With your DD - is she just unsettled after the weekend? It is all new for them isn't it.

I used to visit my Dad when I was younger and my Mum always said I was unbearable for a while after a visit. Probably a bit of anger and confusion that is hard for a child to understand.

Hopefully things will get better in time

No No No Norks

This is not the right time for you to be making yet another major decision.

Please do not consider sterilisation at this point--leave it for a while.

I was told the same after DC2 was born--and l went on to have DC3 with no major problems.

norks, you shouldn't be making any major decisions about something as serious (and final) as sterilization at the moment

honestly love, that is madness

wait a year and then re-think

you are hardly going to fall pg again just at the moment, are you ?

blimey, you took my breath away there for a moment

re. H told OW it is over

yes, of course he did

at least for a while, until he fucks you over enough to let him back in (this is what he is thinking...)

no doubt he has told her to "lay low" for a while, then they can resume their grubby liason when he is back where he rightfully belongs...with his family

< spits >

Doha - this is not something I am considering in the near future, but definately before I move and have another relationship( if that ever happens). I was very very ill after DD so much so that they had a specialist team in for a panned section when I had Ds and pretty nearly lost me then as well.
H had the vasectomy as it was the easiest option but I will never ever have another child as there is a very likely chance I would leave my beloved DC without a mother, not something I would ever consider.
I am very lucky still to be here and do not remember anything for the 24 hrs after each Dc's birth as I was so ill.

this is almost a totally abstract thought to protect my DC rather than a thought of I do not want any more DC. I wanted a large family but knew that wasn't to be, was even advised a termination with DS due to my previous labour problems

Af I know he was only on tempary hold with ow I am not that naive and told him so tonight.

It did feel like a final goodbye tonight though. I think he now realises that I am leaving this excuse for a man behind and moving forward.

Stupid thing is I think I will really miss his company, how absurd is that

it is not absurd at all. He has been a part of your life for such a long time - you are remembering the good things (something he has not allowed himself to do for a while - and certainly something he will never be able to share with ow).
He will regret this so much now - and hopefully ow will see a very sad shadow of a man - some catch.

I too dont think you should be thinking about steralization at the moment - after all there are risks in having an operation - there is no chance of pregnacy so leave it for now. And who knows you may never need it (may meet a man who has had the snip also).

Really admire your strength.

My now sober self also sees the lack of need to rush into things headlong, happywoman, you are right, Had not even thought of that possibility or the risk of surgery - easy to me logical in the cold light of day

Norks,

I am not sure I can add anything but I have been lurking on this thread - there are much wiser women than me on here! I do have to say that I really admire you for the courage you are demonstrating going through this.

Stay strong and keep in touch!

Thanks minerva, I don't feel strong atm, but am getting there day by day. I have always been a very practical person, who looks for solutions and deals with them. I think it is this that has generally kept me going through life.

Unfortunately the emotional side comes out when practical things are done for the day, and the bottle of wine is open. It is in those times that Mn has been brilliant, and I truly believe I would not have got through this year let alone the last 2 weeks as well as I have without my MN friends