I am such a F*****g muppet :(

[norksinmywaistband]

Please help me through the next hour til best friend arrives.

Those of you who know my story will probably say told you so.

H has just told me he has been shagging someone else.... the same someone I have questioned him abot several times over the ast 9 months

DC are still up I need to be normal, plaese talk and keep me calm

Maybe he felt he had something over you whilst he was holding the passport - stopping you from going on holiday etc.

Is he a control freak?

Can you change the locks? Surely there comes a point when he shouldn't be just letting himself in.

Be strong

He has always been controlling to an extent, I think thats why he has strung me along for so long - couldn't bare to see me living an indpendent life with his children. not that he actually wnted to be a part of our lives.

Cannot change the locks til I get hs name off the mortgage, otherwise I would.
Dsis is taking all my paperwork/documents tomorrow, as a safeguard. I don't care about stuff, just information and documents

good idea that your sis is taking all important docs

make sure everything is in there-birth certs, marriage cert (pah ), mortgage and insurance docs, benefits stuff etc etc

yes, never sink to th physical stuff again-you know that this particular episode will turn into an amusing anecdote for him and his floozy don't you ?

just more ammo for him to paint you as a mad bitch (unfair as that is...)

don't play into his hands, don't let him think he is still such an influence on you

ohhh, dear, I hope today is marginally better for you

Today has been marginally better thanks AF, I have tried to stay as positive as possible.

DD has had some amazing tantrums - one in the playground at pickup. Managed to get DS to bed so we had some time together and got her to talk to me.
She was sobbing that she missed her Daddy and didn't understand why he couldn't just come round now because she wanted him to put her to bed and not me
Got her to speak to him on the phone, once she had calmed down.
Explained that although daddy wouldn't be coming round , she would see him on asturday. I reminded her she has a picture of us all in her bedroom, she said it wasn't big enough and was too high up on a shelf for her to see.
Spent the next half hour looking through photos of him with her on the computer she chose the one she wanted, I printed it out, found a frame , hammered the nails in the wall and it is now next to her bed.

Not really the thing I wanted to be doing at the moment, looking at pictures of him is the last thing I need BUT I am a mother and I need DD to be as ok as she can be.

She has now instantly settled, but am so that he said stuff about it being permanent to her she is in such a state and only a baby

aww, it is so awful that these faithless men don't see the actual fall-out of their shitty actions

it is always the women who have to pick up the pieces

Oh god... that's so sweet... you know one day, maybe in 10 years' time or so, she's going to remember what you did for her tonight and give you a great big hug. It is such a difficult time, but you'll see her through this despite him, and she will grow up just fine.

It is hard but I do hope she remembers but if she doesn't it won't matter, because I will know that even when I was going through crap I could put it to one side to help my dd.

I know it was a big step for me in acknowledging that I will get stronger day by day and crawl out of this mess in one piece with my dc beside me

I don't know your story but I just wanted to say how great it is that you could put your feelings aside and do what was best for your DD even though it must have been so painful for you. Agree with Annie your DD will not forget it.

you are fab norksy, and don't ever forget that

Just want to echo what the others are saying. The love you are showing to your children now as you go through this exceptionally challenging time will come back several-fold to you as your little ones grow up.

Every now and then you will see the benefits of being strong for them and not letting the impact of your H's behviour stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Stay strong

Much better day with DD, couple of strop outs but much better than the first half of the week.

I am hating how quiet the house is now they have gone to bed, I am normally really good with my own company, but seem to have far too much thinking time

have got Nans funeral tomorrow which I really am not looking forward to as I haven't really seen anyone but Dsis family wise since this happened, and really don't want to be qustioned about stuff.

At least I won't be the only sad bod around tomorrow.

Getting my knickers in a twist about Xmas as well, will now be with family but DSF has said he will not let DH cross the threshold when he comes to collect the Dc on Xmas day. I totally understand this, but I know the Dc will want to show him their toys should I pack them all up and send them with them?)

Like I said too much thinking time

one day at a time, love

xmas will work itself out

has it been agreed he will see them on xmas day ?

might be better if he waited until Boxing Day

too many emotions/overdose on sweeties/alcohol etc on Xmas Day for my liking

when my sis split with her dh, for the 1st year they didn't try to split xmas day-too may feelings running high (and that was just the grown-ups....)

Xmas day has been agreed, I my want him to suffer and not see them, but as much as it aggrieves me, my DC love him and will want to see him.
I grew up with a mother who was vindictive and reduced my access to my Df, I never forgave her for her poisening my mind, manipulating the situations etc.
I have promised myself, I will not be that person, and my DC will have a full relationship with their dad.

It will be hard but i do think it is the right thing to do...

I am only this reasonable because I have bee on the other side of it. I would prefer him to hurt , be lonely and not see them, but it isn't really about me and him its about the Dc

I wasn't meaning for you to hurt him re. Xmas Day

just a thought from me that it may be all too much for everybody, not just you (although of course your feelings are paramount), but for the dc, your parents, even him

but you must do what you think works for you, of course

I agree with you AF, but I must start as I mean to go on.
I will not be unreasonable in any of this, I already broke my own code of conduct the other day. Something I will never repeat.
I know it will be hard for my DSF but at the dame time I know my Dsis who will also be there will keep him in line.

I just want him out of my life now, but know he never will be

This is just the way things are now and I have to and will deal with it.

This is not the worst thing to happen in my life, I can cope with anything - I just don't want to

aww

try not to put too much pressure on yourself, love

If you knew me in Rl life you would have ben sniggering at yourself in that last post.
I am the ultimate at that, and have had to be my whole life.

Like I said this is not the worst thing I have been through and noting ever would be...

Life puts pressure on me thats just how it goes unfortunately, I have come to terms with the fact it will never be easy, I just hadn't ever factored him into being such a major problem in it

Sorry just feeling hard done by and have a little too much wine inside me as usual

Cannot believe it is a week since it happened, I think part of me is still unable to believe this is really happening, while the other half is practical and coping with it all as usual

no need to be sorry

something worse than this ?

don't answer that if you don't want to, will wait for another day (or never...)

If it wasn't for the one lesson I learnt from my mother - not sure I would still be here to talk to you.
My dc need me and I WILL be strong for them f it kills me trying

My mother committed suicide when my SF had an an affair, I found her and afterwards stepped straight into the mother role for my Dsis'
I know the need for a strong and responsible mother, and despite how I feel I will give my DC that

I was 17

jeez

so sorry

no wonder you seem to put such pressure on yourself

I really admire you, please look after yourself too...

I think that is one of the things that hurts, Dh knows all about how I felt after Mum died, and how I forgave my DSF ( who is still with the person he had the affair with, and who I will spend Xmas with) and have always said that My Dm was stupid in her actions because she had to realise that sometimes relationships change and people move on, and suicide is not the answer.
In a way that is why it is the decipt that has hurt me more than the affair. life isn't static, but you have a choice to be honest about it