I am such a F*****g muppet :(

[norksinmywaistband]

Please help me through the next hour til best friend arrives.

Those of you who know my story will probably say told you so.

H has just told me he has been shagging someone else.... the same someone I have questioned him abot several times over the ast 9 months

DC are still up I need to be normal, plaese talk and keep me calm

So sorry you are going through such a crap time, but wanted to say that if you are scared, then absolutely change the locks. He was physical towards you, and it doesn't matter if his name is on the deeds or not. Mention it to your solicitor.

Suspect though that getting through your Nan's funeral tomorrow is the biggest thing on your mind...

I was just going to type that revelation has made me despise him a little bit more...

and why you tried so hard to make it work with him

It is definately up there is things on my mind.
Unfortunately the stuff with H is all consuming atm and I can't focus on anything really

So so true AF

goodnight bump from me x

night

Sending you huge hugs norks. Stay strong.

Glad today is nearly over with, DC now in bed and the house is quiet- not sure I will ever get used to it

Funeral was fine, went to my mums plot afterward and had a cry and a chat.
Dc have been very well behaved today, not expecting it to ast though.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, I know I have to do it, but just think it will be really hard- feels like i'm ending the marriage when in fact he did

evening norks

my condolences to you on the death of your nan

Thanks Af, it was a good send off- family times have always been a bit mad and this was no exception, not many funerals have chocolates handed round and a puppet show!!
Realised how much I have missed out on over the years though as H was not very social with family

aww, you need family stuff at the moment

chocs and puppets...how fab

glad today was ok for you and hope you are looking after yourself

I am trying to look after myself, am at least manage to eat something on a daily basis even if it not much.
Sleep is still very patchy, but cannot take anything to help as dc wake regularly in the night

wine is ok though

Wine is happening in abundance, somehow doesn't seem to make me sleep

Well, I have been to see the solicitor and she has begun the process for me, Plan is to send him a letter outline the arrangements for the DC, and mantainence, and request he completes a confession form. when she recieves that back she will fill in the petition and file it with the court.

Financial stuff can be sorted while this is happenning or afterwards.

He contacted me yesterday and we had a long discussion about arrangements for the DC and maintainace so I know(atm) he is in agreement with what the solicitor will suggest in her letter, hopefully speeding the process

He also decided to enlighten me that the affair began physically before xmas last year- 2 months before he left and has continued this week - nothing I didn't suspect but anyways all irrelevant really.

Also he said that he was very low and feeling suicidal - told him to buck up and be a man for his DC if not for himself, not sure why he said it except to pull my heart strings about mum- he is too much of a coward to actually do anything.

He is seeing the mortgage people tomorrow, and on my solicitors advice I will go along to the appointment- its my mortgage too

good news on the solicitor front

ignore the heart-string pulling, you have been there before

he has made his choice and been very clear about it

no going back for him now, harden your heart and your mind and stick to the facts

like you have said before, you have been through worse and have come through (kinda) intact

good luck with the mortgage people and I hope H carries on being reasonable

have followed but not posted. Glad the solicitor went ok. Expect him to be a bit arsey when he gets the sol letter though - it seems to be part of the script too.

Also ignore his making you feel sorry for him.

Stay strong you are doing so well.

Thanks for posting Happy - I know he will get arsey, like you said it's what he does best

Norks...really don't know what to say, but you are in my thoughts,

Words simply aren't enough, you have been through so much and you have my admiration and very best wishes that somewhere down the line, life will be very very kind to you.

Your children are exceptionally lucky....

norks i know my situation turned in a different direction but i do have friends who have gone through what you have.

I do wonder though that now ow has him all to herself she will not be as happy as she thought.

I have no doubt he will be sad - this is not what he ever wanted to happen (otherwise he would have gone a long time ago) he has just got himself 'trapped'.

And when ow gets suspicions about when he does see you (which he will have to because of the dc) she will know what it feels like to wonder what is going on. (they all seem to do that too and so dont be surprised if she does not like him seeing you alone ).

You are in control now and my money is on him really admiring you for your strength - i have seen it so many times before.

Feeling very alone tonight, DC are with H and I am alone with my thoughts.
Mortgage appointment was hell - wish I hadn't gone, really was the first time since he left that I felt he was controlling me again Found it difficult to speak out for myself and question what we were being told.
I think I truly realised what others have said about how my behaviour and personality change when he is around - I need him out of my life now and I don't think a divorce is going to do that He will now I know always play mind games, try and cause me problems and never fully let me have my freedom.
I will fight for it though, I think I now crave my independance, this has come from being released by his infidelity from a very controllling relationship.
He continues to make comments and do things which he knows will bring me down and make me anxious, makes relvelations that in the past would have made me feel sorry for him and continue daily to threaten suicide, because `i am making him feel down

You are doing so well though Norks. You should feel proud of yourself for being so strong.

There will come a day, I am sure, when it wont bother you at all when he tries to make nasty comments.

And as for the suicide threats - my h did that, just a week after he told me about the ow. It just showed me that it was all about him in his head. He showed me no sympathy for the hell I was going through. I think it helps you to see them for the utter shits that they are.

I know it must be difficult to be in the house on our own. What do you do? Do you get a film out that you want to watch, or just see what crap is on the telly? (seems to be so much of that!)

I agree the threats just show me what a selfish twunt he is.

I wish I could think about watching tv, I am just wandering round the house pausing to drink and smoke, spend most evenings sitting in the garden tbh( yes, I know its november)

I am getting on with the practical stuff, to a point, but have had to do a weeks washing today as realised I hadn't done any since sunday, really not me.

I am just consumed by my thoughts, food is still hit and miss - I am forcing myself to eat a meal everyday, but really do not feel like it. Sleep is patchy, but am feeling very tired tonight

Tired of it all really, think it is all becoming real in my head

I remember back when I first found out, I was just so tired but couldn't sleep - would usually go to sleep when I went to bed but would wake a couple of hours later and just think it all through. Sometimes you wish you could turn your brain off for a bit, dont you?

And the reality. It is true you go through stages - sounds like you are out of the denial stage. Do you feel angry with your h?

Eating is difficult but, apparently, necessary! Just eat what you can. You can't force it. Just get a bowl of soup.

Do the dc return tomorrow? Does he have them every weekend?