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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am such a F*****g muppet :(

233 replies

norksinmywaistband · 04/11/2009 18:46

Please help me through the next hour til best friend arrives.

Those of you who know my story will probably say told you so.

H has just told me he has been shagging someone else.... the same someone I have questioned him abot several times over the ast 9 months

DC are still up I need to be normal, plaese talk and keep me calm

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norksinmywaistband · 06/11/2009 13:53

Have sorted the Solicitor now arranged for Friday.

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norksinmywaistband · 06/11/2009 17:42

Well found my motivation, ended up going a little mad.
The downstairs of my house is now a twat feature free zone.

Moved all photos of him to the DC's bedrooms
Cleared and sorted all CDS DVDs and books - good job I don't do clutter.

Dsis has designated tonight a moving on night, and has asked a few of my friends to come round and spend the evening with me.
Trouble is I am so drained and tired, think I might just end up slumped on the sofa while they natter away.

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TeamEdward · 06/11/2009 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

norksinmywaistband · 07/11/2009 00:32

Well evening over...
It was really wierd, this was a group of my close friends, but I felt really detatched from the conversation and kept zoning out..
They were lovely kept giving me random hugs and support, but I just felt that it was all superficial nonsense..
I felt like they really didn't have a scooby what was going on in my head at all...
I am not sure I am ready for social interaction, I still haven't slept or eaten despite my best intentions, and have drunk far too much wine as normal..
Typically I am using practicalities to ignore emotions, which I know makes me seem very in control, but actually it is the only thing I can do to keep breathing

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dittany · 07/11/2009 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

norksinmywaistband · 07/11/2009 22:23

Very low tonight

dc are with fuckwit, house is empty. I can't top mulling thigs over, and am rather drunk

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StirlingSwooshBang · 07/11/2009 23:19

That must be hard Norks - I can't imagine my dc being somewhere else overnight. They have never been away from me (well, oldest ds slept in a tent in a garden two doors away once!).

I feel for you

Hunibee · 07/11/2009 23:25

Norks,

You come over as such a sweetheart. And you have beautiful children. So many positives.

Be good to yourself and remember that there are a lot of people supporting you through this - even if we are 'virtual"

norksinmywaistband · 08/11/2009 09:34

I am struggling to focus on anything, not sure I have ever felt this dead inside before. I have no idea how I am going to get through the next week. I think the sapce I have around me with the DC not here has let the emotions and out - I am swamped by them.

Feel like I want to dissapear so I don't have to feel anymore..

I cannot bear the thought of speaking to anyone, that would mean I am actually going through this hell.

Not sure if I have the energy to cook for the DC when they get back really feel I don't have the strength to look after them properly.

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EcoMouse · 08/11/2009 10:14

norks, I've been there. Don't be so hard on yoursef!

You don't have to socialise if you don't want to, on the other hand much of your analysis of everything will occur when you're alone and it will at times feel overwhelming. It is progression although it might not feel like it right now and it is hard but will become easier.

Your Dsis's 'moving on night' was no doubt a well intended idea, she and your friends obviously care very much about you but moving on is not something you or they can force. Don't feel bad that you are feeling bogged down, that is totally understandable!

You can and will look after your children no doubt! This is where you could encourage your friends and family to help out. Directing them to things you feel you could do with a hand with, will be far more productive than them doing whatever they assume you need.

Regarding the children and practicalities, take small steps to make your life easier. Quick, easy meals are fine for now, sending a bag of washing off with your Dsis, doing weekly shop online are all the kind of things which can make living a little less stessfull in the earier days.

Your emotional heath has taken a battering and needs to be given the same allowances and care that you would give your physical body if it was bed ridden. You will make it through this norks, not least to make absolutely clear to the philandering oik that he made one helluva mistake but more pertinantly, because you and your children deserve a future and more so, a happy one.

EcoMouse · 08/11/2009 10:17

'scuse lack of 'l's!

EcoMouse · 08/11/2009 10:29

Meant to add that for yourself, maybe having favourite snacks to hand will help you to start eating again? Your mind will suffer more if your body isn't fed, get anything down to start with and drink lots of water. Strangely, sleep can be even more difficult to attain if the body's undernourished but you need this too.

Apologies for waffling on!

AnyFucker · 08/11/2009 12:10

back from freezing torment weekend away

ohhhh, horrible weekend for you norksy, but honestly, you cannot expect anything else for quite a while

you have to go through this shit, so you can come out the other side

the "moving-on night"- far, far too soon, 6 months down the line would have been more appropriate

you will look after the kids, love

maybe you won't win mum-of-the-year at the moment

it doesn't matter, keep 'em warm and fed, that is all

am thinking of you, and that is the truth x

norksinmywaistband · 08/11/2009 12:40

I know dsis' night was too soon, but I think that because they have already shut him out of their lives and not forgiven him from the first incident, they are at the stage and wrongly thought that it would just be a case of me drawing a line under things and moving on.

What I am is drained, shaky, emotionally wiped out, physically unable, angry, feel dirty, and don't want anyone near me.

BF just turned up on the doorstep and let herself in, to find me crying in a ball, she has got me to have a bath and together a bit. Glad she did come round as twat features turned up while she was here. that he has dumped the DC with his mother so he can do god knows what

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AnyFucker · 08/11/2009 12:52
norksinmywaistband · 08/11/2009 17:02

Need some company - he just texted 2 mins before drop off to say he will be another hour

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TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 08/11/2009 17:34

How utterly crap Norks, haven't seen you around for a while but this is so shit for you.

Sorry you are going through it....

norksinmywaistband · 08/11/2009 17:38

Have not been away, but things were going well for a while(so I thought) Did name change for a bit though.

How are you ?

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TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 08/11/2009 17:53

Ummm....between a rock and a hard place.

H and I separated and it is like emotional spaghetti.

norksinmywaistband · 08/11/2009 21:01

Sorry you are not through it yet

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norksinmywaistband · 09/11/2009 21:55

Really crap day today.

started like shit and got worse as the day went on.

  1. Sexual health check up - made worse by my existing health problems
  2. H cleared out his stuff and took the camera and tv from the bedroom as well( don't really care but cannot believe he is so materialistic)
  3. He was still here when I got back, even though he had finished all he was doing
  4. endedup in a blazing row as he tried to put the blame on the breakdown onto me - Got physical when he told me he had taken DD's passport(meaning he had rifled through all my personal paperwork) I told him to leave so i screamed get out while pushing him towards the door. he said no the shoved me to the floor. I then slapped him round the face
  5. He left and I followed him to the flat and smashed an ornament he gave me 2 months ago to represent trust in the road in front of him more
  6. He gave me the passport back.

Total day shit

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AnyFucker · 09/11/2009 22:01

oohhhh, nasty, how horrible for you

why did he want the passport ??

Anniegetyourgun · 09/11/2009 22:04

What the did he want the child's passport for? Cheeky sod. Don't blame you for being furious. At least you got it back.

Forgive yourself for the pushing/slapping/breaking, and then don't do it again. You HAD to do it the once.

norksinmywaistband · 09/11/2009 23:02

Not sure why he waned the passport he knows I am struggling with money anyway, so pathetic really. He said it was his insurance policy wtf!

Sorry for delay in posting my Dsis had phoned my DF about todays events and he wanted to know what was going on

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norksinmywaistband · 09/11/2009 23:03

I know annie - it was so unlike me, and there will definately not be a repeat

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