Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

lolololol NT. Chin up, tits out!

I don't belong on this thread because I haven't been dumped (the divorce was all my own idea and I'm proud of it). But I've been reading it with a big grin, in appreciation of your collective wit and courage. Excelsior, lovely ladies! Power to your elbows!

Flashfried -- you can add friendly, outgoing, optimistic and positive to byour list. The way you came zooming onto this thread was fab. You are lovely! He's a twat!

Power to your elbow too, Annie, And for using it to get rid of a twunt. Hooray!

Beautiful - never been dumped still with my only girlfriend, now DW, not being smug but just to say I enjoyed your previous classic stepford wife bit. Sorry it didn't work out for you - you seem really intelligent and thoughtful and tried to do the right things but I guess many some men are too stupid to realise what they have and the grass is greener on the other side.

Hope it works out for you - and the other dumpees on the thread too.

Thank you so much, SexyDD. If you ever get dumped, do please return here where we will all fight over who gets first crack at you be supportive.

I hope I'm taking all of this seriously enough. I don't want to look shallow, but you lot are all cheering me up SO much that I'm finding it hard to feel 1990's mopey.

If any of you are having a horribly fed-up day, do come and post. Don't think it's all going to be lighthearted fluff - we can talk about the awful bits too. I'm definitely booked in for a 9pm misery-dump, is anyone else? We can purge all those awful, awful thoughts then feel a bit better. Ideally we'd post the bad stuff on here then symbolically chuck our laptops into the river for "closure", but that might make tomorrow quite quiet.

Where do you all live, by the way? Maybe we should aim to meet up in person for a hilarious sobbing/drinking/non-MN-hugging session. We need to coordinate our childfree weekends!

Want to watch something on telly at 9pm, but will try to remember to be miserable during the ad breaks.

"Power to your elbow" - there has to be a masturbation joke in there somewhere. No need for elbow power now that I have new batteries, haha. No? Will work on it. Somebody cue me up for the joke in a few days time so I can burst out spontaneously with it.

Ha!

Girls, I have just deleted ex from mobile phone contacts. It felt good. Do it. Brilliantly, it makes it near-impossible to text them as you then have to enter the number manually which (on mine at least) takes ages, as you have to scroll through each letter till it turns into a number. You know what I mean.

Plus, you can't then accidently dial them while you are wailing, or belting out "All By Myself" hysterically.

I'm in Kent is anybody else? just back from my 20 minute walk and I even smiled at people rather than scowled. This positive mental attitude is good, long may it last but if it doesn't I'll come back again and rant on here and get support from the dumpees gang lol

Go you, loobs!!

Or re-christen your ex Nob Jockey on your phone menu..(thinks: why haven't I got round to that yet?).

A good song to look up: "Don't need another chance" by Tammy Wynette. Oh yes, when the going gets tough, the tough turn to country music. Not 100% sure of the song title, cos I've lost the CD case, but it's a humdinger..

All together now: "I'm wearing my jeans a little bit tighter/Changed my hairstyle and I'm learning how to dance/ Thanks anyway, don't need a second chance...think I'll pass".

Itwascertainlyasurprise:

OMG! Just read your post! We are in exactly the same boat! I so so know what you mean- what is a breakup without booze and inappropriate behaviour?

"Oh no, I've just been dumped- quick, hit the camomile tea. Oh no, hang on, I realise I can have half a pint to drown my sorrows with and still be within NHS guidelines". So that's OK then.

I WANT TEQUILA AND MEANINGLESS SEX!!

It wascertainlyasurprise:

Git.

I don't know if it's too late to start your thread up again, but it would be good to talk....

Read mine: Pregnant, dumped and friendless. People have given me some good advice (as there is on yours).

When's your baby due? Mine is Jan.17th.

On the plus side, you may be looking huge, but I bet your bazongas are looking fabbo. What about flirtations where you can only be seen from the chest up? Leaning out of the car window perhaps?!?

Oooh Whoosh -Im so so sorry youve had so much to bear.

And Beautiful. Busy doing wardrobe rework today too. Just wearing very nice new silk underwear today and giving me a lift in more than one way!

And yes it is hard to find single parent groups. Somebody kindly put details of local one on our local Netmums -hopefully will make 29 November meet to meet some of them.

Think Ill have to get lazy bum in gear and subscribe to MN cat so can contact my lovely dumpees. Will do so in next few days so if anyone needs details of SW London ingle parents group contact me!

I'm near SW London!

Well Ms Beautiful, you have managed to raise a smile from me today and that has to be good news

Nearly 9 months down the line and I'm still hurting badly (until recently, still had hope) although you'd never know from the outside. Functioning OK at work but evenings and weekends are a different story, despite masses of stuff to keep me busy and distracted. It's really hard when there's no real closure (MuthaHubbard I sympathise with similarities like "needing space" and "it's not you, it's me" and the painful connections of "the last time we did this or went there etc" ) and feel overwhelmed with sadness but ..... will not give in!

Beautiful described things very well with the words "it's like he's the music playing underneath my brain". I DO KNOW that one day this will stop (wouldn't have been able to say it a couple of months ago), so long may this thread reign - MN's are an amazing bunch of ladies and yes, we ARE going to be just fine.

For me, it's take things day by day, try not to let bitterness or negativity spoil the good memories and knowing that I am actually a really nice person with lots to offer and capable of loving again. One day he will realise that.

Have a feeling that I'll be lurking and smiling to myself at all these posts from now on!

Me too, can I join? I've been doing spreadsheets listing all his horrible ways - which have been chronicled on MN ad nauseum. I'm working to being fabulous by 29 April 2010 when he will be attending a conference I am part of the organising team for.

List:
Diet - 3 stone in 6 months
Exercise - back down the gym this week, fitness assessment tonight
Lots of new clothes - I'm going to be glamerous and fat until I'm glamerous and thin - advice someone else on here gave me was to buy new knickers if you feel down - I have a drawer full now!
Beauty - gradually replacing all my cheap stuff with Bobbi Brown and Chanel.
House - I'm busy decorating too - can't eat and paint at the same time.

So come next April he will still be a fat, smoking porn loving broke person and I will be jaw droppingly georgeous - well as close to it as you can be at my age. Yes, I have bad tomes too - but if you have a really bad time one day the one after seems to be better. Lamby - good to see you on; a more light hearted thread - hope your recovery is now underway.

veryconfusedandupset - Jump aboard, this is all very therapeutic. Stick with us and you'll be gorgeous by April next!

...fat, smoking, porn loving, broke person...were you dating my ex?

Hey! I came home from work feeling rubbish thinking I was going to spend an evening on my own moping - or trying desperately to keep my mind off things - but actually I have read what's been going on here and have ended up feeling really cheerful!

Ok then..

Good things about me: (this feels rather unnatural)
I am kind, tolerant and patient.
I have a cracking pair of knockers and striking blue eyes (I am told both of these things frequently, so I'm willing to accept those as facts)
I can play various musical instruments.
I can put my leg behind my head (I have no idea why I know this or why it is useful..)

Bad things about XP (this is also difficult)
He is opinionated in the extreme and stubborn with it. He has never grown up and has never had a proper job (he is 42). He is too much of a child to realise that a woman needs to put her actual child's needs above her manchild's.

Wow - I already feel better off without him

The other thing is that I am ONLY 31 and have had a failed marriage followed by a sound dumping, so still have LOADS of time to enjoy making better decisions.

I feel a bit of a fraud now, though, Some of you ladies are coming through some really, really tough break-ups. You are so strong and positive. I am so very impressed with you all.

Time to bin the beige and stretchy garments..Going shopping this weekend. I feel entitled

Only got 5 minutes now but:

1. I feel like a break-up Cilla Black for helping itwascertainlyasurprise and maledetta to find each other! that has GOT to help, hasn't it?! Now if you live close to each other then you're both sorted.

1. lifeissweet - slap yourself for not thinking your problems are bad enough! This thread is for all MN's dumpees, whether one-night stand or million-year marriage.

1. veryconfusedandupset - hello! I like your plan but I can guarantee you that, by April, you'll be struggling to remember his middle-name, birthay, or what you ever saw in him. Still, use the conference as a reinvention motivation though, definitely.

1. lostmysparkle -- now you've lost that awful Hope, you'll start to recover much more quickly. That Hope is the killer. Stick with us!

I'm a big fan of breaking copyright law, so later on this evening i want to repost an extract from an amazing 1920's relationship book called "The Technique of the Love affair". It's about infatuation, how it affects a relationship, and how it causes things to break-up. It also goes into how you'll get over it. I loved reading it earlier and it might help.

I actually tried to mope earlier and I couldn't! I was all settled in for a great big long Woe-Is-Me marathon, but there was nothing there. I kept boinging back up to cherrfulness, like a psychological Tigger. After bath/bedtime routine now though I'm sure to be demented so I'll come back then.

Once again, I'm so pleased you're all here. We are forming an optimism coalition! (Except I'm not really sure what coalition means, so possibly not.)