Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

whooosh, my heart goes out to you. I really really hope you find a bit of peace & happiness in your life as you certainly deserve it after all you've been through.

It would be nice if we all stayed on this thread & gave each other moral support & motivation etc.. until we are out of this horrible period in all of our lives.

Beautiful I have not been dumped but could not resist commenting on your wonderful attitude.
I suspect from what you have told us you were far too sparky for your exH.

I remember the discussions about surrendered wives and stuff and can totally see how that might have sort of put a sticking plaster on your relationship for a short period of time - but you alway come across as feisty and clever, and there is no way you could keep up with keeping the real you in check .

sadly some men can't handle smart and feisty

Am happy to support and motivate.....especially over a few drinks!! I do find it difficult to find other single ladies to go out with and have a laugh as almost all of my friends are in longterm relationships

I could take a few tips from you dearly be-chuckeds!

Love the idea of "hanging out" here-somewhere a little more specific to wehre we all are right now.
Beautiful......bring on that motivation.... I we all need to start somewhere......

What great posts!

A list from me....

1. do just whatever you fancy (for me it's a bit of sport in the fresh air, cooking, learning to play a musical instrument, having a cake when I fancy one, talking to and seeing friends, chilling with the DC's)
2. find a way to enjoy your own personal space (this is a big one for me - I really worried about what would happen if he went but when he did! wow, such a sense of relief to have a good family atmosphere back and be rid of the tension he exuded)
3. take some time to think about how you want to spend your future and if possible, don't rush into anything
4. if you are working or need to get a job now given the new situation, I strongly recommend that you get a job you actually enjoy - I've had various jobs and there's a huge difference between one that's right and one that's just so wrong

A few extra things to pick up on a few previous posts...

I went to a spa a while back and had a chakra session - good for the soul, I'd recommend it if you've got the money

Walking or running in the fresh air does it for me (and it's cheap)

For me, a good book helps whether it be a good novel or something a little more spiritual

As much as possible I'd opt for having as little to do with your ex as possible - it just makes life confusing

Personally, it would be too early for a new relationship for me (just a few weeks into this new situation). I think it would be good for my ego but not sure I wouldn't just get dependent on that person and don't want that right now

Whoosh, I'm so very sorry about your sister. I can't even begin to guess how terrible that feels - what a massive loss for all of your family. Throwing MN policy to the wind, please have a HUGE hug: ((((((((((((((((whoosh))))))))))))))))))))))

Great list, Lizzy6! Thanks! and nula -- aren't YOU just the nicest woman in the whole world??! Thanks so much for saying those lovely things!!

Right, so... What are we going to do today? I think we should have 3 mini daily goals. (Is that too much? I'm terrible for hurling myself into stuff, getting in over my head then giving up.)

The first thing HAS to be how we look. For two reasons:

1. It's uplifting;

and 2. Our appearance is our outward-description of how we're doing/feeling/coping. If we look amazing then everyone (including exes... er, not that it matters what they think but, you know) will think we are incredible PowerWomen who are getting through this effortlessly. This might help.

So we need to get stunning ASAP. The quickest way is to update our wardrobes. So shall we do something towards that? Go through wardrobes and ruthlessly bin all frumpy/mumsy/smug-married type clothes and give them to Charity Shops where annoying women who can keep their men can buy them, and look hideous, inspiring their DHs to leave them and therefore flooding Singles Market with new blokes?

Empowerment List

When I had a sweet, very patient friend here the other day, I found it v helpful when I -got- -drunk- self-confidently listed all the lovely bits about myself and the bad bits about XH. So let's do that too. Do it here.

Do not list XH/XP's good points too for "fairness". We are already probably rebranding our exes into The Best Man Who Ever Lived Ever, so we don't want to think about his better side or we will feel horrific. No, it's OUR good bits and their worst bits.

Me: Sparky (thanks nula), pretty, striking (technical term for "tall and fat"), glamorous (technical term for "tall and fat but with nice make-up on"), funny, clever, good job, nice Mum, well-spoken, warm, vivacious, good cook, popular.

Ex: Negative, repetitive in bed, lazy, self-centred, tight, disproportionate facial features, not brightest firework in the box, reserved, bullshitter, scruffy.

Aaaaaah. You do it!!

I also think we should make ourselves go for a 20-minute walk every day. Note: this is not allowed to be round to our ex's house where we can bang on their window, crying.

Hi everyone

Can I join in? dumped 6 months ago by my H of 14 years who had 5 affairs during that time I put up with it all because I loved him... silly me!

I have spent the last 6 months crying losing weight and wearing barely any make up, had a new very wrong rebound relationship with a guy that was not worthy of me as he was a complete male chauvinist pig,so I have now had enough of wallowing in self pity.

Today I have dug through my wardrobe made an affort to look nice and I have my face on!

Just need to stop waking up at 3am and feeling my life is over and I'll be back on the road to recovery.

I think this is a fab thread .... lets do it
thanks beautiful and everyone else who is joining in YES moping is so 1990's

Hey loobie! Yes, you're in, you're now offically on the Road to Recovery. Five affairs? Shit. You know you're better off out of that, don't you? Oh, honey.

Chin up, tits out, we're going to get so far past this.

Do the list thing, pls thx

We need to learn a new skill too. Something complicated and exciting, like Advanced Driving, or scuba-diving, flying or rowing or shooting. Something so dangerous that only people like us with a dangerously miserable "what's the bloody point in being alive?" attitude can succeed. We will reframe ourselves as Angelina Jolies.

I have to work now, so here's our list.

1. Get dressed like loobie and put face on.
2. Cull smug-married clothes.
3. Write lovely list about you, awful list about him.
4. Think of new, ideally potentially lethal but thrilling (though anything complicated will do), skill to learn.
5. 20-minute walk.

Please keep posting, darling Dumpees! I can't do this alone!

PS: Why don't we also all meet back here tonight and let out our darkest mopey thoughts? The REALLY bad ones. All of them, cathartically spewed out. The idea being, if we read each other's moping thoughts we will be able to see (with lofty distance) how unrealistic they are, so then realise that we, ourselves, are just being bonkers when we say we are going to die alone, eaten by alsatians (a la B. Jones).

Morning all- just made myself feel a whole lot better by phoning all exP's creditors (he NEVER pays his debts)and giving them his new address. Have only just discovered this new address, so feeling rather smug

Will compile my list of things I dislike about exP for later...will take me the best part of the day!

Beautiful, I think I love you and if you want to retreat from Horrible Men to the delights of sapphic love, I'm yours. I'm 35 and have all my own hair and teeth, which is more than Cheryl Cole can say.

I was technically the dumper but wah, he didn't love me or find me attractive. That was six months ago and I've been comfort-eating every since. Clothes tight, and not seductively so. I'm creating my own comfort blanket. I don't want men to find me attractive, because I'm scared.

But gin and tonic is sparkling and happy and wants to be my friend (clasps bottle to bosom).

Enough! What's lovely about me?
me: genuine, a certain mordant humour, good heart, intelligent, bookish, interested in things, adventurous.

him: selfish, entitled, aggressive, self-centred and unwilling to give head. My future lovers are going to be fantastic at that, by the way. Goal number one.

I'm going to have exciting adventures every second weekend when DD with her dad. I've walked some of Hadrian's Wall already and I'm going to do a Thames Beachcombing walk in London. I'm going to write a book and do a PhD. I probably should learn Basic Driving before attempting Advanced, though.

Oh hell yes I am far better off without him in my life just taken me a while to realise it.

I am going to find an evening class in something like cookery or DIY anything to give me something to do each week.

Will do my list later as supposed to be working now ( ha I'm not) but will launch myself out the office for the 20 minute walk at lunchtime too, this feels good

Welll so far so good!

Hair washed and straightened(!),make-up on.

House clean and in order, chucked some of his rubbish in bin (without a care).

20 min walk planned for this afternoon, just deciding on my healthy lunch as I'm starving after singing and dancing around the house (whilst cleaning) to my fave CD and imagining DH sat alone in his cold, dark rented house!! :O

Here...Have my list already

Horrible Him
Jealous ? of other men, my family and friends
Insecure ? didn?t want me to work !!
V short fuse ? loved a ding dong
World class sulker
Addictive personality - fags/booze/poker/sex/food & I suspect drugs but have no hard evidence
Was rather short and prone to weight gain (carefully controlled with lots of fags)!
Farted loudly often
Used foul language often
Lazy - preferred to pay car valet/man to cut grass/dry cleaners

What?s to love? Have made him sound utterly vile!

Lovely Me
Loving mum/sister/daughter/auntie/friend- Have neglected these things and plan a huge comeback!
Intelligent and practical ? anything he can do?
Sensible budgeter ? currently manage well on a pittance
Attractive for age ? stress showing in face but with exercise/beauty regime I will be better!!
Struggling a bit?must think of more

Isn't this brilliant? This is so brilliant! Do you all feel a bit better already? I completely do. Thank you all so much for jumping on my Bad-With-Blokes Bandwagon. You just wait, we're all going to get through this, regain our fabulosity and go on to have torturous horrible relationships with brand-new bastards in the future! Er...

NickNameTaken, I think I love you too (especially the &T comment and your first, fabulous goal!), and can't help noticing how the extra weight has really plumped out your tits...

Why, I am feeling better!

100 posts in less than 24 hours! We have cornered the MN market, fellow dumpees. You wait, this thread will become the place to post, so much so that previously happily married Mumsnetters will be forcing their DHs, with firearms, to leave just so they can join our crew.