Beautiful's Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether we were dating, cohabiting or married, we are now to use therapist-speak well effed-off about the whole business and are desperate to regain our fabulosity.

Well, this is the place! This is where we regain our positivity, our self-confidence and eventually our mojos. We might think at the moment that we'd also like to regain our men, but that might not last long, as we'll soon realise that anyone who could put us through this does not deserve us.

Come in and start regaining your brilliance! I will be setting us exercises to complete that are based vaguely on self-help books, beauy tips and Feng Shui, or we'll just have a right good bitch until we feel completely drained and sick of the sound of our ex's names. Whatever works.

Blimey, I bet you're chuffed Womaniser is back in touch, Beautiful - he just couldn't resist in the end, could he ? I sympathise hugely with your weakness for funny men - they are my Achilles heel, honestly the number of times I ended up with some knobnose loser just because they made me laugh. By the way, do you really think it might be possible to wank to death ? Imagine the headline in the local paper - Local Mother of 3 Found Dead Clutching Rampant Rabbit. Shopkeepers say they last saw her 4 days ago when she bought a gross of AA batteries and a copy of Pirates of the Carribean .

Mutha - you're on fire, I'm just lost in admiration for you and your legion of men.

Loobie, I'm really glad your date went well -C.L.G.S is sounding like a pretty good thing ( states the obvious ).

Startingover, I'm sorry the painter isn't tickling your fancy - do you not fancy a porn stylee encounter with him and his brushes ?

Mavis - professional navel gazer eh ? hmmmm, not a lecturer is he ?

Fluffy, well done on deleting that twerp, if he prefers that nutcase to you, he can't have the sense he was born with.

Mumfun, I'm not getting any either although I think I may now be going off the whole concept - I may join a convent ( yeah right ).

Thank you all for your moral support and words of advice re Bollock Face, I appreciate it very much - I have texted him today in a very emotionally neutral way i.e not going ' I love you, my life is pointless without you. Abduct me and spend 6 months shagging me relentlessly ' which is what I'd like to have said. I've had several calls to my mobile from a strange number at odd times and I wanted to make sure that he hadn't been careless with my number ( you might say that looks like a pathetic excuse in order to snatch a crumb of contact. Bang to rights, guv' ) .

My tits are very much out - they have nowhere else to go unless I start taping them under my arms and I can't help thinking that wouldn't assist in making me seem (a) sane and (b) attractive.

Evening all! Well I'm not exactly a dating goddess but there has been a bit of ground work put in here and there (ie a fair bit of chatting and me attempting to flirt) and hopefully I will get to reap the benefits at some point (I bloody well hope so anyway!).

Also, I love reading this thread......I know some of you are down and feeling a bit shitey sometimes but you are also clever and witty and blooming hilarious too! Where else would you be able to discuss an addiction to dairylea, gate shaving and texts from penis'(in both senses of the word)?!

Am off to consume my weight in caramel dairy milk........have house sorted this year so getting me sorted with diet next year I think!!! Well it is nearly xmas - that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it

Caramela you made me laugh out loud and that caused my ugly cold sores to crack so not a good look! "abduct me and spend six months shagging me relentlessly" hilarious

Mutha totally agree with you without this thread where would we be? Lonely and miserable thats where bloody well done Beautiful for starting it.

Right dinner tonight is Galaxy chocolate and wine ... i am Bridget Jones but with sexier knickers

Had a text from cheating ex saying he is struggling with the guilt of cheating on me 5 times and he cannot speak to his nubile ( my words) 24 yr old about it so was I free for lunch, It felt FANTASTIC to firstly not cry and secondly say oh no sorry have to go and buy bikini line hair remover at lunchtime to have a nice loo laa for C.G.G.S

Guess who ended up hot & sweaty in my shower???????? Yes, that's right, the painter..... I will be back later with the gory details.

Ok, I posted that before putting dc's to bed & expected a flood of "spill the beans" on my return. You're obviously all off doing the deed or on dates etc..

Sad truth is there are a lot of houses here without water because of the floods, so I told him to avail of my services as he's been going to his mum's every day for a shower. OMG, I had a naked man in my shower. I don't know if I'll manage a week of being good afterall, I told him to lock himself in just incase I dc's invaded his privacy, ha, ha.

Well, it's nice to dream hey starting.

Im rubbish at posting here today sorry.

But starting, I admire your restraint -and your kindness to a stranger at letting him have a wash without any ulterior motive

Loobie, I'm obviously not completely dead in the whole sex/man dept yet as my mind is slowly moving in that direction. Did consider the possibility of jumping the painter as the day went on but had to weigh up, the ++ would be a shag, but the -- would be I know him for years & if it's just a shag I may as well go back to puppy to avoid becomming a slapper.

OMG can't believe your twunt x asking you for lunch to discuss guilt!!! Boggers belief. to buy bikini line hair remover, absolute best come back ever!! Way to go girl.

Mutha, sit back & enjoy reaping the fruits of your labour.

Beauty, OMG womaniser is back........enjoy, enjoy.

Caramela, any word from navel gazer??

Hello all.

Startingover - admire your restraint although there would have been the sound of wacka wacka porn guitar riffs in the background of that particular encounter.

Caramela - yup - a lecturer. and without wanting to out myself (I'm slightly concerned that if my posts were searched you'd practically have my postcode and DOB) it's the worst sort of navel gazing subject.

I've been thinking. You know that (very generally speaking) most women end up on their own anyway just by virtue of living longer. We really should be taking the time to enjoy our independance whilst we're young enough to do something with it. If some hot old young thing comes our way then fine, but we really have to be able to do this ourselves. There is so much negative baggage associated with the term 'single' once you pass your mid twenties but we should not be sucked into feeling that we have to be part of a couple at all costs. Better single than compromising our well being.

Dating is great - and I am of those who are in a position to get out there, but you know what?, I'm actually really happy with my two little boys and I don't need validation by conforming to the so called norm (which incidentally isn't that common nowadays anyway).

Pass me a spinster cat!

Good news here - I have an interview in January for the career I want to persue. The bad news is I have to move. Much pondering to be done.

Hope you all have a great weekend - I have MIL for a visit which I'm sure will be interesting. Will report back when I can.

Hope all the dumpettes have a great weekend!

to Fluffy.

Mumfun, we cross posted, am not as virtuous as you're thinking, ha, ha.

Mavis, easy to have restraint when you've 3 dc's present!! I agree with you on the whole independance milarky. I'd have been happier if things had worked out with xh but as they haven't I'm in no rush to replace him, puppy for my physical needs & I'm sorted!!

Hope you manage to get a bit of time on your own to go out during MIL's stay (just remember to not come home shouting drunkedly at 3am about her bastarding son!!) Great news about the job.

Startingover, I am so disappointed that you didn't roger the painter ! I read your post before and actually found myself grinning and silently saying ' go Starting !' and doing that silly Jerry Springer style dance in my head, before I thought that I might be investing a teensy bit too much in your private life.

Bollocky texted me back to assure that he was not responsible for someone getting hold of my number, he hopes I'm 'ok' - ta you big wankstain. Obviously I spent a good while examining his message for the ' my life is shite without you, please, please forgive me and let me shower you with diamonds and oral sex forever in an attempt to make amends ' subtext . I'm not sure there was one.

Mavis, you know why I guessed don't you ? That's right, old Bollock Face is a lecturer too - this leads to the question are they all self absorbed nonces ? I'm beginning to suspect so, although I suspect B.F lectures in a different subject. It's great news about your interview, I hope your pondering is productive.

Loobie, sorry about the cold sore but bravo for turning down meeting knobby for lunch - I bet it felt fabulous to disappoint him.

Hello Fluffy, Mumfun, Beautiful and Mutha - big shout out to all the dumpettes in the house as I believe the young people say.

Mavis, I loved your post about independence. (Yay! on the interview, btw!!) Of course, being me, I read it and thought, "Mavis is so going to be the first one to snag a lovely 2nd husband, with that fab attitude."

I don't think I'm at all ready to be dating again. I have no confidence at all, in my life, career, appearance. I definitely need to regroup for a bit - diet, exercise, decide career direction - as on these dates, I've felt myself sitting there feeling like THE dullest, dumpiest woman ever. (Not with Womaniser, that's just great fun - but with that one last night.)

And, i can't just think, "Oh, it's one dinner, why not?" as it isn't -- I build it up into a 5-day event what with the prematch preparations (fake tan, outfit planning), actual date experience, then aftershow party of agonising analysis. Ugh.

Hi Caramela, I will lock the dc's out in the garden tomorrow & jump the painter just so I can post all the gories her after .

Sorry to hear navel gazer did not step up to the plate....saying that, in your previous posts we established that he was a dickhead, so in the long run you're better off rid.

By the way, thanks for the tip off, note to dumpettes, avoid like the plague all lecturer types, we have established a pattern of behaviour common to these breeds...

Ooh, lecturers Flap, the bastard cheating DH in Terms of Endearment was a lecturer.

How CAN they not get self-absorbed and wanky though, with rows of 18-year-old girls gazing at them and hanging on their every word? Or is it wanky self-absorbtion that drives them to the career? Hmm. Which came first, the job or the knob?

Caramela, sorry that twuntypants didn't come through. I hate those "hope you're ok" messages. You just know they mean, "because obviously your life is going to be shhhheeee-yite! now I'm not in it."

You just always want to text back loads of lies, don't you? "Yes, am good thanks. Lottery win helped obviously! hpogc bxcffbv Ooops sorry, 17-year-old Latino boy is helping me type... Ooooh! They don't teach that in English schools!! Best go, C xx"

X post Beauty, I'm the same, would fear being overly enthuastic with anyone that I actually fancied, that's why I'm sticking with safer options such as keen puppy types for now. I've done the whole rebuilding my life, figure in shape, new wardrope shite but I'm not sure yet that I fully trust myself not to fall head over heels & fu*k it all away for another twunt!!!!!!!

Which came first, the job or the knob? Vg. I think so far we've had a whopping 4 lecturer dumper dicks on here!!!!!!!

I stayed single for 7 years because all the men here are twazzocks and I'm picky. Then I met the toad. I'm getting a little sick of joining dating sites which appear to be full of twazzocks. I may just throw myself into work again.

My toad keeps telling me he's happy that I'm OK

"We really should be taking the time to enjoy our independance whilst we're young enough to do something with it."

This sentence is resonating with me.

I did. I went to Uni and got a degree. There were a fair few married women who were on my course that either left because their twazzocks told them to or are now divorced. I was so much better off being single.

"I'm not sure yet that I fully trust myself not to fall head over heels & fu*k it all away for another twunt!!!!!!!"

Yes, this is exactly, exactly my terror. Every time there has been a bloke in my life, it's gone (literally) tits-up. Hmmmmmmmmmm...

"We really should be taking the time to enjoy our independance whilst we're young enough to do something with it."

This sentence is resonating with me.

Ha, ha, you see this is why I have to be very cautious because while I agree to the above sentence in principle, the weaker part of my brain is shouting "I'm young, fit, willing & able now, do not wait till it's all gone south!!!!!!

Fluffy, you need to find yourself a loyal, trustworthy, eager puppy type, whom you keep firmly behind doors & you can still be single & picky in public!!!!

Na, I don't doo too eagar. I also hate public displays of affection, I don't have the need to snog someone with slurping sounds in public, it really annoys me. Hand holding is not as bleugh. I can do a hug though as long as it's not alot of them. I'm also allergic to dogs!

Every time there has been a bloke in my life, it's gone (literally) tits-up. Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Ok, breakthrough tonight, we will remain confident independant women & all get ourselves eager puppies so it doesn't all go tits up!!!!!!! Except for Loobie who's sorted & Mutha who's semi sorted.

Can we all ditch the dating sites aswell? The twazzocks on them are truly terrible. Good for a laugh though, maybe we should have a thread about them