is he lying? and why?

[lonelydoormat]

I am a single mum and have a partner of 3 years. We've had a lot of problems from other sources eg.exes, kids etc but I have always been there for him. But don't feel I have the same back.

I won't go into detail about the past but just want to know what you think of this?

He rarely phones and I'm not allowed to phone him at work (he's a builder).Only if important reason. Then he'll get back to me.

Today, I had to contact him for something (important!) regarding his work - I answer the phone for him. He didn't answer and after an hour I tried again and waited a while. I tried several times over 4 hours till about 3.30pm. A few times it was busy
and I know that a client spoke to him.

Eventually, he called back from his flat, very flustered saying he suddenly realised he had to take his van for MOT midday after he had worked for a few hours and had left his phone in the van before he took it to garage. when i asked why he didn't call me when he dropped the van off he said too busy as had to walk back to the job he was doing. So I asked him how he managed to speak to other people? he ignored that and got angry and kept going on about the MOT. He was very vague about where he was working.

I picked him up 10 minutes later from his flat to go get the van and although he'd said he was filthy, he was clean and changed.He is usually covered in dust from head to toe. He said he hadn't even had time to wash it was such a hectic day.

He was really pissed off that i am giving him a hard time when he's been busy all day.
But what I can't understand is how he had several opportunities to contact me eg when he was walking from garage or to home (half hour walks!). Also, he kept changing his story re where he was working.When he did have his phone on him, he didn't notice missed calls or bother to answer my calls. And if the job was so urgent that he stopped working by 3pm at least!

Sorry, this is so long! But he's done this on several occassions and it never adds up. If I question him he slams the phone down or storms off home.There are other strange things too.

He did say yesterday that he was too busy to see me today.

Ultimately, if he's not lying surely he could have spared a few minutes to give me a call whether I phoned or not?

Do you think I'm being unfair?

Thanks for reading this

I have only one thing to say and it might be coz I am in a very negative mood tonight.................bin him.

do you think he could be in another relationship?

Sounds like a liar to me.
Sorry.
Why would he be clean if he said he was in a dirty place working. A man only showers if he has to wash something off!!!!

Thanks for replies.

If he's not having another relationship, I still think it's not right to ignore/avoid me. He gets really angry if I say anything but I don't think this is how you treat the "love of your life" as he calls me!It's as if somehow it's ok to treat me this way if nothings going on!

He has lied about other things in the past and I usually catch him out but never get the reason.

He sounds like he has a problem with commitment tbh

I've typed and deleted about 5 replies now, I'm knackered so can't word it right. Basically, what everyone else has said.

Even if it is all innocent, he sounds like he has a horrible temper, and is quite selfish.

Do you want to spend another 3 years being basically ignored, and doubting him?

My head is going round and round! Can't sleep.

Yes, Shewillbeloved, I am wondering about spending even another day with him!Then I doubt myself and think I'm blowing things out of proportion and how stupid to break up over this.

Interesting that others think he's lying too.He definitely lied about being dirty. I think he forgot he'd said that.

I actually doubt that he went to work as he was meant to go to one of two places (I have the work diary) and I went along to one of them so i could pass message on. When I asked him where he was working he was vague so I said that i'd been to the other one, to see if he lied. He then said he was at the second address (the one I went to).I didn't say I'd been there but I went before he went to garage so another lie.

I did break up with him a month ago and got back together two weeks ago. He has been great up till yesterday taking me out, buying me presents, spending money on me (eg drinks. Usually I end up paying for everything as he always has no money- another issue).

I thought we turned a corner, then yesterday happened.

He's keeping you dangling with the presents while he works on someone else in case the new 'love of his life' doesn't pan out. I also think he's lying, and the washing is significant. He's not very smart, though, is he? I mean, if you're going to lie, don't be stupid too... Sounds to me like this man is turning you into a booty call.

does sound odd doesn't it

could you make a 'surprise' visit (don't let him see you) to see if he's where he is supposed to be?

Think a lot of people can't bear getting called repeatedly during the day but in his case, it sounds less like something he doesn't like and more like he doesn't want you to find out what's going on.

I don't like the sound of this bloke ?

Does he pay you a salary for the work you do for him ? You are acting like his secretary/works officer.

You pay for everything apart from a few drinks/few presents.

He is using you I think.

If you have a feeling he is lying, he probably is. His over-reactions to your questions is dodgy, as is the vagueness and the fact you have caught him out in the past.

He has a large secret I think. Another woman, a wife, a gambling addiction, whatever.

You need to think very carefully if you really want to continue to be part of it.

get this sorted now.

Even the stupid lies can drive you mad.

My h used to lie about so many things - mostly really stupid things - I would nearly always catch him out and he always had a silly grin and a 'sorry'. After his affair (and the very big lies) he did sort himself out and realised that he was not really that good at sharing and that the lies were his way of keeping me from getting too close. He too would get angry if i confronted him at times - very childlike - how dare i question him?

He sounds very childish too - do you think he resents the fact that maybe 'mother' him. Is he rebelling as a child would?

It is ok to set some boundaries for yourself too. Either he answers the phone when you call or very quickly after.
Set some rules and if he choses to ignore your 'needs' then he should go.

Hope that helps.

I'm so glad I came on here as you are all saying what i'm thinking.Unless you are all paranoid/living in a fantasy land like me (apparently)!

Happywoman, I think he's very childish and immature but haven't said so. I don't mother him but I do help him a lot. I think he possibly thinks I don't mother him enough as he wants unconditional love!He always expects me to be available for him on the phone or to run an errand or see him etc at the drop of a hat and gets moody if I say can't do it immediately. He's like a teenager!

I don't get paid for doing jobs for him as he has lots of debts. He has only been doing this job for 2 years. I actually helped start the business financially from my savings as he has a bad credit rating and can't borrow money. Gradually, I have paid some debts and he's paying others off. I also have 'lent' him money for rent and supported him at the start of the business as he couldn't even buy food! I even took out a loan which he's paying back every month but it's a real hassle getting the money. He says he can't pay me then manages to go drinking with friends,have meals out, buy expensive items for his flat and top quality food for himself (he won't eat rubbish) while me and kids surviving on buy-one-get-one-free! I

I feel as if now my money has run out and his situation improving he has no need for me but I'm not totally worth getting rid of yet!

I don't want to start checking on him as that will do my head in even more.I don't think he's worth the effort.I did check certain things in the past but it did my head in, hence why I broke up with him. I decided I couldn't live my life being paranoid and untrusting.

I just don't want to go through all that again. I can't talk to him as he 'doesn't do confrontation'. Which is why he always storms off.

I do love him but everything seems to be on his terms.

What are you still doing with him? He is bleeding you dry in every way. He is taking the piss, lying and probably cheating. Really - what do you get out of it?

on his terms - that says it all doesnt it?

Please do yourself a huge favour and start to live your life the way you want to.

You are worth so much more than this. you say you love him - but for what? He sounds as if he cant even be bothered to lie properly anymore.
Unless you get tough he will just throw you another line and you will fall for it again and he can just do exactly what he wants.

As you say it is doing your head in - you dont need hard evidence - it just doesnt feel right and that should be enough for you to move on from him.

Good luck though.

If he truly loves and values you he WILL WANT to treat you well and respect you.

OMG! How much money does he owe you, if you don't mind me asking? A large sum? He is totally taking the piss - you do realise this! He's probably got the next one lined up ready to go. I am so for you and very on your behalf!

You say you initially financed the business. Do you have anything in writing? If i were you, I would take some advice - CAB maybe, try to extract the maximum amount of cash possible from him and then kick his sorry arse to kingdom come!

Havent read the whole thread so apologies if someone has suggested this...

Have you considered that rather than another woman it might be a gambling problem?

Disappearing, not where he says he is, problems with money and old debts even though he is working...?

Also, if there was another woman he'd prob be a bit wary of you going to his flat incase she'd been there and left something behind?

Absolutely no way you are being paranoid. There is something odd happening here. Possibly another relationship but who can tell. What is important is that whatever the reason he is not treating you like a partner and lover. He sounds as though he is a little boy lying to his mum!

Please don't let anyone (him) convince you that you are being daft. I do know how easy it is to feel that you are in the wrong somehow even when your brain says otherwise.

Good luck x

Sounds bad to me Lonely. Maybe not necessarily another woman though, maybe gambling or drinking??
So what if he doesn't like confrontation - it needs to be said and if he doesn't like being pulled up on all these lies he shouldn't tell them in thr first place.
You need answers and if you don't get them then there's not much point carrying on is there?
Make sure you get all your money back first though.

sorry to say, I think the last part of your username is pretty apt.

Sounds like you fund his lifestyle and he sticks around for the hand outs.

Ditch him, you deserve better.

Get your money back and get rid.

Can you afford to cut and run? I'd simply change my phone number and never speak to this lying scrounger again.

If it's too much money to lose then you need to seek legal help immediately.

OMG He is a leech, probably a serial leech. Even if you can't get your money back, consider it an investment in the rest of your life, cut your losses and RUN.