Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MIL wants us to sleep in separate beds in her house

358 replies

aurynne · 20/09/2009 11:17

Hi there, here goes another MIL thread ;)

My partner's mom is actually a lovely person and she and I get along very well. But there always had to be a "but", doesn't it? When we go to stay with them in their house, my partner and I have to sleep in separate beds! My partner and I are in out thirties and have been together just for 7 months, but for goodness sake, we sleep together every day!

I know that in your house, you set your own rules, however absurd they are. So, last weekend we stayed there I suggested my partner that we could sleep in a hotel instead, and go see his parents in the morning. He replied that "his parents would be very hurt if we did that" (!!!).

So, apparently the rule is not only that when we sleep at their house we do it in separate beds, but actually that we MUST sleep in their house! Is this common behaviour in MILs?

It doesn't bother me that much when it is only a weekend, but we are planning to spend Christmas there and I definitely don't want to sleep in separate beds from my partner for two weeks. And I am not 16, ffs!!!

Any of you has this same problem? Has anybody fund a magic solution that will not offend anyone? Is my MIL's behaviour reasonable?

Thanks in advance for your replies!

Aurynne

OP posts:
OrangeFish · 22/09/2009 21:15

oh yes, for some strange reason my parents ended up sleeping in our tiny flat 2 days before our wedding. We left them our bed and slept next door, in the living room. My father insisted in keeping the door open and my mother later commented that she was shocked at how patient my father was in acccepting such kind of behaviour from me.

Now thinking of it... gosh... I guess my parents will never ever stop to surprise me.

Rindercella · 22/09/2009 21:23

LadyGP's post has made me smile. When DH and I first started courting my mother actually said he was allowed to stay in my room (I was living at my parents' house at the time). This was an absolute first - all previous BFs had to stay in a different wing room. She must have known he was a stayer.

However, he was always terrified that my Dad was going to get his 12 bore out & chase him buck naked down the lane. Think DH still has the occasional nightmare about that! My Dad is a farmer btw, so does keep a variety of guns in the house!

MrsMerryHenry · 22/09/2009 23:39

This is such a brilliant thread.

I'd love to see how your MIL responds to your email, Aurynne. Though I've not yet seen your email on here, I do have to agree that your theory of beating passive aggression/ 'things left unsaid' by discussing them kindly and openly is definitely a far healthier option than letting things fester. My DH's family are of the fester and writhe ilk, and I deeply regret having allowed myself to settle into their way of doing things rather than finding a thoughtful way to tackle the utter nonsense that they sometimes launch at you.

Also I have to say, nuff respec' and all credit to you - you are giving a right kicking in the teeth to your objectors on this thread, but doing it so unbelievably sweetly and charmingly, with flowers and chocolates - hilarious!

warthog · 23/09/2009 08:15

ah well, given i haven't seen the email, just going on what you've said aurynne, i'm sure it will all be fine.

but please do let us know what she decides!

ladyhelen2 · 23/09/2009 10:07

Am regularly checking in for updates on a response from the MIL/DPM's........

If its a good one, am thinking that I could commission aurynne to do an email to my ILs.

Original poster
aurynne · 23/09/2009 10:11

hahahahhaa ladyhelen, she may very well NOT reply to my e-mail. Knowing her, I do think she will, but she may take her time to think of an answer. Could be a long wait...

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 23/09/2009 10:14

If I had sent an email like that to my MIL she would have replied to DH not to me. But I would never have dared, she is far too scary. Mind you, she wrote to my parents to complain when she found out I wasn't changing my surname to hers and that our children were having double-barrelled surnames.

OrmIrian · 23/09/2009 10:15

But we do need to know aurynne! Eventually. It's very important

For vital nosiness research.

Original poster
aurynne · 23/09/2009 10:19

Oh, by the way... the e-mail I wrote to her was, of course, signed with "Hugs".

I know some ladies here will love that...

OP posts:
hullygully · 23/09/2009 10:31

PLEASE show us the email. Dos cervezas por favor.

MrsMerryHenry · 23/09/2009 10:59

God, LGP, your MIL sounds like Maggie Thatcher. Poor you.

PMSL at 'hugs'!! Aurynne, you're one of a kind!

DSH · 23/09/2009 11:13

dear OP

good god, there are a lot of uptight plonkers on here. I am enternally grateful not to live in the UK when I read this kind of stuff.

I think you MIL sounds great. She has her reasons and hopefully you will hear about them soon.

My mother has 4 kids and has always loved and accepted our 'partners'. She would have really appreciated a direct and honest approach to a 'problem'.

Best of luck and take no notice of these strange people on here.

Original poster
aurynne · 23/09/2009 11:13

MIL UPDATE

I have just got an e-mail from my DP's mum. But it's NOT a reply to the one in which I mentioned the "sleeping in separate bedrooms" issue. Yesterday I wrote her a short one telling her about my DP's house being sold (he is in a work trip and I thought she'd like to know ASAP). The message I got 10 mins ago is to thank me for telling her about that... but it is PS'd "will talk to you soon". I believe I am going to get a reply either in an e-mail or by phone very soon.

Man, this is starting to feel like a soap opera...

OP posts:
MrsMerryHenry · 23/09/2009 11:19

Aurynne, this is a soap opera!

Btw do you give lessons in tact? I too would love to learn from you!

ladyhelen2 · 23/09/2009 11:52

LOL at hugs , aurynne. I heart your style, lady!

CyradisTheSeer · 23/09/2009 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purplepeony · 23/09/2009 13:41

You know, I have just have an uneasy feeling about this?

I was giving you the benefit of my doubt initially Aurynne, but the word troll keeps popping up in front of my eyes.

You sure don't have kids and you are new to MN.

You appear to be revelling in the attention- and taking this post way beyond the initial call for help.

The fact that you have emailed your MIL nad are keeping us hanging on for her reply implies to me that you are either very clever and playing a game with us all, or you are very bored for a 30-something childless woman, who lives on the other side of the world. (Do they not have a NZ version of MN?)

C'mon- out yourself- this is all a big wind up dredging up opinions for a report/script/magazine isn't it?

MrsMerryHenry · 23/09/2009 13:51

Purplepeony - I've also been wondering whether the whole thing is a wind-up - if so, it's the most entertaining wind-up I've seen on MN yet!

diddl · 23/09/2009 14:01

So she´s replied to a later email?

You really signed it [hugs]?

That´s so funny.

I know there´s a culture difference, but I couldn´t take a woman in her thirties who did that seriously.

Like the girls who had an i in their name and drew a heart/flower for the dot.
But they grew out of it before leaving school?

Harimosmummy · 23/09/2009 14:10

i must admit, i think it's a wind up now...

either that or they are all really dysfunctional

BUT, and i've said this previously, i'm approaching this from my (on paper) similar situaion... so maybe it's me who's barking

lots of lovey wovey cuggles,

hm x

MrsMerryHenry · 23/09/2009 14:13

Think you spelled cuggles wrong.

Harimosmummy · 23/09/2009 15:22

oops!

Obviously, it should have been:

Cuggly wuggly!!

hm x

MrsMerryHenry · 23/09/2009 15:52

Hugs and kissy-wissies,

MMH xxx

ROFLROFLROFL

Morloth · 23/09/2009 18:35

I don't mind a wind up - but I am NOT hugging anyone - don't know where any of you have been.

I could perhaps use the word "Hun" though?

expatinscotland · 23/09/2009 18:57

Oh, of course it's a wind up! You're just now twigging?!

It's a fairly good one, though, as wind ups go.