My world is crashing down... please help.

[Imfallingapart]

I've just had a message on FB from an aqquantance. She's saying that my DP has a conviction for sexually assaulting a child in 95/96. This would have been when DP was 17/18. I don't know what to think.. what to do.

I have a DS and a DD - not my DP's, and am heavily pregnant by DP.

We went to a wedding a few weeks ago, and i bumped into this woman, and introduced DP to her, little knowing that they already knew each other - she lived with his mother for a few years when younger until his mother discovered her in bed with her (the mothers) boyfriend. Since then, they have had no contact.

I don't know why this woman is saying this, i trust my DP implicitly, or i thought i did. We don't live together, but i have never ever had any doubts about him being around my children. We went to school together, and i've known him for years, and i don't remember anything like this coming to light, that said, i did move away for a year or so around the time it alledgedly happened.

So i know i need to ask him about it. I'm going to be seeing him later today. I need to know the truth. But what do i do if it is true? What if i am having a baby with a peadophile??

I'm sat here in tears and i just don't know what to do. Please help.

I've done a lot of thinking these past few days. I'm still pretty confused, and it's so hard to know which is the right way to go.

I know he didn't lie to me as such... he just didn't tell me, and i can understand to an extent why he didn't - it's not something that you can really slip into conversation.

I guess the biggest thing is the trust i had in him has been shaken so much.

I spoke to him last night, i asked him to come round so we could talk, and he knows that if we have any kind of future together then it's going to take a long time for me to feel fully confident in him, and to trust him again.

It would be so easy just to go with my heart - i do love him, and i can't stop that, he is the father of my unborn child and i thought we could be so happy.. but i'm trying to think with my head and be sensible.

It took me so much for me to trust him in the first place... i've been hurt badly in the past by my other childrens father, and although he's no longer in our lives - his choice - i never thought i'd trust anyone ever again, til him.

This proably isn't making much sense, so i'll stop wittering now.

What a nightmare for you. I hope you are OK.

bump

Thank you for thinking of me pinkpanettone

To be honest, i've had a rough few days. I've been in and out of hospital with high blood pressure and some fluid leakages, but baby is fine and well. And i'll get there.

I still haven't made a firm decision as to what to do reguarding DP, but he has been very understanding and has been really good this week whilst i've not been so good.

Thanks again for thinking of me.

Glad you are surviving I'mfalling.

Hope things go well for you

FWIW I'd listen to Shiney. He was convicted of a criminal offence. It seems unlikely to me that he would have been convicted in the circumstances he describes. Even if what he says is 100% true, it's still abnormal behaviour.

JMO, I would be inclined to give weight 1) what the policemen who came to the house said - they have reviewed the case notes and presumably have had access to more than they can show you. 2)the psych reports. 3) What you know of the man - not the boy.

Also assume he has had no criminal convictions or cautions in the intervening 15 years?

17 year old boys are capable of making mistakes without realising the seriousness or the far-reaching ramifications.

OP i can't imagine what your going through,I think a few people have said it already but i would try ans see what his original conviction was for,in my house we don't have locks on the door so these things can happen,God willing it's all that you Dp has said,until this person told you this did you trust and love your Dp?Give him the benefit of the doubt until you can clarify it as much as possible.

How are you OP??? XXX

yes i was wondering how OP was doing.

Gosh what a horrible situation.
If it were me I think I'd have to end the relationship, even if I believed DP, there would always be that small element of doubt in my mind about it and I think that would destroy any relationship.
Like you say only 2 people know what went on in that bathroom, and at first I thought it was quite plausible, but like so many others have said, the only part that doesn't ring true is the part about the girl asking him out after she had caught him. My experience of 12 year old girls, however 'forward' or sexually aware they are is that the sight of a man/boy wanking is more likely to inspire feelings of disgust than make them ask the boy out.
But who knows - only you know how you feel and I hope you get all the help you need to make your decision.
Good luck.