DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

[bronze]

needs to find himself?

buy him a mirror. hell of a lot cheaper than 4k

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

ah, only libel if not true

[clumsymum]

I'm speechless, no way would DH get to do this, even if he wanted to (which he wouldn't).

When he was 40, we had 3 days together (tho without ds), in Barcelona. We 'found' each other again, got out from the parental blanket we'd been hiding under, then came back, got on with real-life, and returned to being Mummy and Daddy, Husband and Wife.

TBH in your shoes, I'd be very tempted to stamp my feet and say "if you go and do this, we won't be here when you get back"

I don't understand why he wants to do something so different with his life, which expressly excludes you and the children.

He's obviously intending that this experience will change him from the person he is now. I'd be very worried in your position.

[SausageRocket]

sorry for random dbl post. my internet connection bottomed out

[Megglevache]

Has he started wearing briefs and trousers that are about half a size too small?

Crisis checklist

Ponytail
earring
leather jacket
fake tan
Botox
Shaving public hair?
Motorbike- check

[expatinscotland]

Yes, Ewan and Charlie were doing it as a J-O-B, something your 'partner', make sure you really cover your bases financially and legally as you're not even married to him, won't have when he gets back.

They got paid, not went into debt.

[sherby]

just linked my DH to this on msn

he lololol and then just replied Nob

[cocolepew]

Does he ride a bike normally? Will he be able to fix any problems with it? My DH had an accident 2 years ago on his bike.

He rides it everyday to work, not just at weekends, and skidded on some gravel. He was doing 40mph and was laid up for 3 months, he still suffers from it now.

He's a competent rider and even he wouldn't do this trip.

[TotalChaos]

Yanbu. He sounds like an inconsiderate arse with his head in the clouds. Make sure any loans are taken out solely in his name.

[MorrisZapp]

AAAH just been trumped by comparethemidlifecrisis.com

I'm not worthy!

Serious pant leakage

[jujubean]

Has he been to India, does he know how dangerous it is to even get in a car there let alone ride a motorbike? Its not like it is on telly.

[Blackduck]

Actually (aside from the fact I can't ride a motorbike) I think I might suggest this to dp and see what he says 'Bye darling, just off to find myself, be back in 6 weeks, don't forget to walk the dog and give ds a kiss for me'....nah...can't see it really....

[moondog]

lol at Expat.
Also Meggle and talk of 'public hair' shaving.
Does that involving divesting random old dears of blue rinses?

[YanknCock]

My DH also said 'knob' when presented with the facts of the matter.

I'm next in line behind BoF for the bollocks-kicking. Sorry OP, your husband sounds like a self-absorbed idiot.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Isn't 'comparethemidlifecrisis a link to divorce.com?

[AnyFucker]

midlife.crisis.adventures.twats.R.us.co.uk

Yes, I can see it now, run by nobbers with balding heads adorned with straggly ponytail, newly-pierced ears, paunch stuffed into designer jeans and leather jackets....

[moondog]

Delhi is as bad as Dhaka [Bangladesh] where I am right now. Seriously, it is so fucking dangerous.

[Blackduck]

at comparethemidlifecrisis.com ... can I nick that as a business idea - I reckon its got milage....

[bumpyboo]

Yanbu. If my husband wanted to do that I'd be very happy for him to go and do it.... but I wouldn't be that keen on letting him come back.

[Megglevache]

Anyfucker, ahem, bald pubes...don't forget- tis a sign....

[expatinscotland]

i'm going to start my own website called dtmfa.co.uk for people like you to come and get a proper reality check, OP.

[notwavingjustironing]

Yes, have you not seen the ad? It's got a weasel instead of a meerkat.

[Megglevache]

Moondog what are you doing there? Is your dh working away again?

[AnyFucker]

meggle, how do you know that?

is it a sign that they now think they are horny porn stars??

if so, how fucking ridiculous

[theQuibbler]

Has he ever been to India, or any of the places that he is thinking of travelling through? Is he an experienced traveller? It?s not really a trip for anyone who fancies a bit of a ?lifechanging? journey. A copy of Lonely bloody Planet isn?t actually going to cut it when you dealing with bandits in Baluchistan.

I?ve ?done? a few interesting (read: dangerous) trips through places the Foreign Office would rather you avoid, and I?d baulk at the idea of Delhi- London on an Enfield.

His timing is way off. Six weeks? Iran is notoriously difficult about the border with Pakistan. You could easily spend weeks waiting for them to issue you a visa, even if you have the right paperwork. And you could easily spend at least a couple of weeks waiting for someone to repair your bike if you break down in the backend of nowhere.

Sorry it just sounds bloody ridiculous ? has he even done any research? Unless he is doing it as part of an organised tour?

And leaving you with a baby and a preschooler is so, so selfish. Why does he have to do it then? I think he is behaving like an absolute arse. But it doesn?t sound as though you feel that you have any sway over him, so you should just set up a support system for yourself, cos you are going to need it.