DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

[OhBling]

Note that we're up to three pages with unanimous agreement on MN that YANBU and that DH is being completely U.

I think that says something all by itself.

Him wanting time for himself is understandable. But he's taking it to extremes and, more importantly, is being entirely unreasonable about how you should feel or think about it. Astonishing.

I'm going out on a limb here but I'm guessing this isn't a man who does the shopping, knows how to use the washing machine or spontaneously manages when DC are grumpy/awake/sick? He sounds selfish and self absorbed and like what was a perfectly understandable feeling for him has escalated to being totally out of control because he thinks it's his right.

[MorrisZapp]

Worth remembering that Ewan 'cunt beyond measure' McGregor et al travel with full raft of support and are no more 'having an adventure' than I am when I cruise the crisps aisle at Waitrose.

Your DP on the other hand is taking serious, lifethreatening risks.

Has he looked into the cost of insurance for riding a second hand motorbike across Afghanistan? It's bad enough insuring a girls weekend in NYC, as you will find out when you research your own escapes.

[Bibelots]

the opportunity

[mumof2teenboys]

About 5 years ago, my oh went to India to see family that he hadn't seen in years and years (family breakdown and v.boring)

To begin with when he mentioned it, I was 'ooh of course you must go, it will be lovely' (in a sarcastic way)

So, of course, when he went and booked it, I was furious, but because I'd said 'yes' he couldn't understand why I'd changed my mind

He was gone for 3weeks. I was livid the whole time, it caused lots of trouble for us as a couple. I didn't feel valued/loved/important/special.

When he came back it took a long time for us to be right again, and deep down, I think I still resent him for doing it. Yes, I did get lots of 'ideal girlfriend' points from all his friends but the damage it did to us was not worth the trip imvho.

We didn't have very small children either.

[bleh]

I recommend you send him onto MN for a bit for a webchat, to help him put things in perspective. (or you could just show him the thread/present his bollocks to BoF for swift kicking)

[notwavingjustironing]

If I was OP I would be soooo tempted to "casually" leave this lying around where he can find it.

[PlumBumMum]

Actually £4k sounds quite cheap, he will have to fly to India, buy a bike then trav back,
what if he runs out of money?
There are so many things wrong with this I can't believe he thinks its ok

I'm with Anyfucker

[bronze]

and its not just women. Asked DH and he said 'knob'

[muffle]

PMSL at MorrisZapp crisps aisle. Quote of the week if it wasn't so libellous...

[moondog]

Very good Morris re that Ewan twat.

[thehairybabysmum]

Make sure the debt is in his sole name, not joint so you are not liable if this all goes pear shaped.

Im sorry your DP sounds like such an arse. Im pretty relaxed about stuff but if this was my DP i would expect him as a minimum to have postponed trip on discovery of pregnancy. Also i would expect him to indulge himself via real money not debt.

The fact that he doesnt want to be with you and the new baby (especially if you had a rough ride last time) would be ringing alarm bells.

'Finding yourself' utter bolleaux...just an excuse to run away!! I would question why he feels the need to run away from you??

[noddyholder]

You don't need to go to India to find yourself.This is an excuse for something else.Ask him to borrow 4k and use it to spend 6 weeks at home with you and the children to find all of you!This will end terribly seriously

[Megglevache]

Morris for quote of the week with

"Worth remembering that Ewan 'cunt beyond measure' McGregor et al travel with full raft of support and are no more 'having an adventure' than I am when I cruise the crisps aisle at Waitrose".

PMSL Morris you are well and truly on my pissed pant radar with that one

[AnyFucker]

I don't blame you mumof2

but this tosser's plans go waaaaaaay beyond your own oh's

what an astonishingly huge sense of entitlement this man has

unbelievable

OP appears strangely Stepford-like and unfazed by the massive barrage of comments telling her that he is BU

not good, not good at all

[notwavingjustironing]

PMSL at "pissed pant radar"

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

My DH won't even go for a day on his own when the kids and me are here. It is what husband's and father's do - spend all the time they can with their family.

I wouldn't mind him having days off on his own, btw, his choice but not bloody 6 weeks.

He is a dick. Sorry.

[hocuspontas]

Agree with the others

Repeat it again cuntless Morris and we'll nominate you for QotW

[SausageRocket]

6 wks away is annoying enough

6wks away in a dangerous environment is madness

taking out a £4k loan for this is insanity itself

Quitting your job if you can't get sabbatical is lunacy, especially having taken out a loan, how exactly does he plan to service said loan repayments without an income?

What a total and utter discksmack.

All that 'rolling stone' bollocks is just another way of saying he is a flaky manchild who will not grow up.

OP I'm not suprised you are seething.

[AnyFucker]

err

am I wrong to fancy Ewan McGregor then ?

[SausageRocket]

organisationally speaking it will be a farking nightmare what wih all the visas and stuff required. Is he planning to do it solo or as part of a midlife crisis adventure holiday package ?

[moondog]

OOh, I missed that 'rolling stone' thing.

[notwavingjustironing]

He can sort it all out by going on the

Comparethemidlifecris.com

Simples.

[MorrisZapp]

Glad to have raised a smile! And a small bladder leak too.

Also, worth saying that I'm sure most women here are like me and don't 'let' their DPs do stuff - DPs are adult men and can do what they like.

I'm a 'golf widow' (hate that term) and have no problem with it. I have my passions too, and DP wouldn't even think of trying to 'let' or not let me do something.

We've taken holidays apart before, and will again.

But this, nope, this is a whole new world of unreasonable. Absolutely not in normal range.

[AnyFucker]

sausagerocket, the OP is not seething at all (certainly not seething enough IMO)

all she seems bothered about is that he is getting arsey because she has refused to help him plan the trip

everything else she is amazingly docile about

[SausageRocket]

organisationally speaking it will be a farking nightmare what wih all the visas and stuff required. Is he planning to do it solo or as part of a midlife crisis adventure holiday package ?