DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

[moondog]

He sounds like a knobber.
Dh and I used to laugh rather cruelly at folk like these we would occasionally see coming through Kurdistan when we lived there.

I'd agree-if I could have the same time and money spent on my thing.

[Slashtrophe]

Put some more in place - what do you get? if he's getting 6 weeks off and 4 grand?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Posted too soon

DH says it's probably something to do with you being pregnant with number 2 right now.

[flowerybeanbag]

I'd be very concerned and surprised if it even occurred to my DH that spending 6 weeks away from us was a good idea tbh.

[AnyFucker]

OP, out of interest, what would have happened if you had not agreed to this self-indulgent odyssey ?

[Swedes]

It's my observation that people who go off to find themselves, more often than not find themselves in bed with a member of the opposite sex who's not their spouse/partner.

YANBU

[PlumBumMum]

I'm still in shock that you agreed to let him go in the first place, as someonelse said you will be at home with a new baby!

[AnyFucker]

swedes, my thoughts exactly

[stellamel]

I am supporting him because it feels like a 'must do' thing for him, in that he is a bit of a rolling stone - which I understand, that's his personality and he feels he has to have this 'time out'.

I am a bit nervous about the new baby thing, cos I had a hideous time with my DD, bad birth, lots of things went wrong etc first 6 months were pretty grim!

It's the 6 week thing that annoys me most!

Thanks all of you, for making me feel ok to moan!

[KingCanuteIAm]

I agree that you are doing a great thing, supporting him on this is above and beyond IMHO!

He should at least do you the courtesy of looking at it from your POV. Puting the family in serious amounts of debt (well it would be a serious amount to me - a years salary - along with leaving you with toddler and a 5 yo is a big ask.

I think you need to sit him down and xplain it to him - 6 weeks is not a summer holiday, it is a school holiday, a summer holiday is 1 week or 2 not 6. Explain that you are behind him but that you have your own concerns and you love that he is excited but he cannot expect you to be all that exctied - you are not relly getting the same benefits out of it are you?!

[AnyFucker]

you didn't answer my quesion stella, what if you had said no ?

[bleh]

That could be it: if it was really difficult the first time around, he may be scared that the same will happen this time, so he wants to get away. But that still doesn't make it right.

[AnyFucker]

head? sand? anyone?

[KingCanuteIAm]

Oh, sorry that is the ag your dc will be when he goes? He is going when you have a new baby

Wow, you really are some wife!

[stellamel]

Sorry crossed over lots of posts

Anyfucker - he was going anyway

It might be the 2nd baby, but I wasn't preggers when he decided on the trip at the beginning of the year.

[Megglevache]

I wouldn't be happy if dh was doing this and then had the attitude to go with it and I'm afraid as petty as it sounds I'd be booking, oh about, 8 spa weekends for myself on his return, to find my inner glamourpuss.

[Blackduck]

So what's your 'must do' thing and when do you get to do it.....? Sorry you are clearly a better person than me that you are okay with this....

[AnyFucker]

I thought that may be the case stella

[Tinker]

Was teh 2nd baby planned?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

How's he going to pay the loan back after he's jacked his job in? Does he know its hard to find employment theses days?

[LIZS]

Can't believe he is still going ahead knowing what a rough time you had before with a young baby. Ask him to factor in an au pair or doula . He doesn't have to do this , certainly not now, he is choosing to.

[AnyFucker]

no blackduck, he is the "better" person

because his needs come before everyone elses, and not only that, he is putting the family in debt and giving up his job to enable them

I hate him, and I don't even know him