DP is going on 'finding himself' trip to India for 6 weeks next June, can I vent?

[stellamel]

Just wanted some perspective on this! I am very new to mumsnet. Also am 18 wks preggers with DC2.

Now for his 40th B/day (March this year) DP decided he wanted to go on a sort of 'boys own' trip to India - next June (major project at work finishes then, so he should be able to get a sabbatical, he will quit if not as he hates his job anyway). DP intention is to fly out to India, buy a Royal Enfield motorbike (still made in Dehli), then ride it home to Derbyshire. We've worked out this will take approx 6 weeks - all being well, cost @ £4K (including bike) money we will need a loan for, and take him close to several conflict zones (including Afghanistan) and require him to ride through Iran.

Now aside from all these worries, plus the fact i will have a 6mth old and 4 yr old to look after (I am not the world's most confident parent!) I made a gargantuan effort to see this trip from his point of view and am now on-board with it, and am supporting his choice. However when I declined helping with the logistics, (I pointed out it wasn't something I knew anything about, and as it was his trip it was up to him to sort it out), he was a bit grumbly. I replied I felt pretty proud of myself for even excepting and being happy for him to go away for such a long time, to which he laughed and said 6 weeks wasn't a long time, it was like a summer holiday (I wish i had 6 week summer holidays!), when I said I didn't agree, he just shook his head and said I was being ridiculous - and believe it or not this is what has me annoyed , I'm still behind the trip, but am seething about him belittling what I see as a pretty good thing on my part.

Am I being unreasonable and and silly to expect him to understand that 6 weeks is a fairly long time to go away for?

Yes, that was here and deary me, let's hope thois one isn't quite that bad.

Message withdrawn

A friend of ours is a civil engineering contractor, and he has taken the rest of this year off to go travelling, paid for out of his savings. He doesn't have a wife or children.

I used to work for an insurance company, and my department handled Charlie Boorman's life policy to cover one of those journeys across Asia for a TV programme. It was very expensive and complicated to underwrite, and the security situation has worsened a lot since then - can't see your partner getting cover for this, tbh

This is the best thread I have ever read on MN, and I'm afraid it has also made me laugh a lot. Where I grew up (Central Belt), we just used to say 'tube', but 'tubesteak' does gladden my heart - a language evolving is a beautiful thing...

Central Belt?
Is that USA?
Tell us more about this tube steak thing. Never heard it before!

No, as in central Scotland. I've no idea why 'tube' was an insult when I was growing up. 'Tubesteak' seems to be amplification of said insult.

As in -

Salme to 'Rick': "Awright ma man? Why don't ye focus on yer woman and bairns an' aw the great stuff ye've awready goat, instead ay arsin aboot in a fuckin war zone oan a quest tae 'find yerself?' Lose yerself, mair like. Ya fuckin tube!"

('fraid I don't have Irvine Welsh's phone number, so that's the best I can manage).

What a tit! Although it does sound like a wonderful journey he should not be doing it now. He should be at home looking after you.

oooh, I think we may have one of those instances when things seem to evolve in 2 different areas of the world simultaneously

Where I'm from, "tube steak"=weiner=dick

has the op had a chat with tosser yet?

I love to travel myself, and am happy for DH to go off on holiday by himself (at appropriate times, after discussion, after inviting me, etc etc). But this doesn't seem to be really about the enjoyment of travelling and seeing different cultures, as if it was, the OP's DP would surely be saving and planning for a family friendly trip somewhere sensible, such as the Trans-Siberian Express, or Asia, or maybe even doing something actually constructive, such as agreeing with his family to volunteer as an engineer in the developing world for a couple of years. Instead he's just buggering off for an indefinite period funded by his wife.

I'm amazed that he's done any travelling at all himself, as I can't believe he really thinks that he can do it in 6 weeks, and that this is an appropriate thing to do for a man with responsibilities. I once got stuck in a valley in Kyrgyzstan for a week. We spent a week going down to the roadside every day on the off-chance that there might be a passing lorry. The lorry that had taken us to the valley suddenly caught fire on the way there...

That wasn't supposed to be "I'm more adventurous than you are", by the way, it was more "God, I was a naive idiot when I was 22 but at least I didn't have any kids to be responsible for."

Actually I also totally agree with the person that said it wasn't even an achievement to sit on a bloody bike for 6 weeks. Let him cycle the Tour de France route if he wants to find himself.

Why does he think he's in India for starters? You should be getting massive credit for this. Just huge amounts of spoiling and adoration. The problem with being reasonable is that often people don't appreciate it.

I have had to point this out before but handfasting ceremonies are not a flawless indication of wankerkdom by any means. To lots of couples they are meaningful and important commitments. And a man can go through a legally-binding marriage ceremony and still be a ...tube-steak.

You are very brave! Just make sure the Life Assurance is all set up before he goes.
He is having a mid-life crisis, maybe he hates his job and wants 'freedom'.
Sounds like he is rebelling like a teenager against his familly responsabilities.
Do you not have any familly near-by or a good friend who can give you a break everynow and again?
When my DD1 was 8 months old, my DH went away for 3weeks to Costa Rica and did some white water rafting.
Ever since then he has NOT been on holiday without us. Thinking about it, he had just turned 40yrs old as well.
Hey! I'm 40, maybe i should go on a long holiday by myself?

Why in God's name can't he just go to India, ride it down the coast, stick it on a container ship and fly over the more dangerous parts of the world? Is he going to carry a gun in the rough areas?

I used to run overland trips, one was to Kathmandu, so give him this piece of logistical advice: he won't do much in 6 weeks except sit on highways.
I also at the moment feel like travelling again- having done it all my life- but I have 2 DC's and an ex who needs to see them so I can't.

You could let him do this trip, then talk to him afterwards about it with regard to the quid pro quo- if there are 6 weeks and 4 grand available next time, it'll be YOUR choice of what to do. I think much depends on how your relationship is with ihim otherwise- is it good, worth having, or not?

When I was a kid, my father spent the money from the family house sale on buying a boat, and he sailed from LA to Florida on his own while my mother went to work to support my brother and I. She didn't speak to him for 2 years after he got back (I thought everyone's parents were like this!). later on he wanted to go to sea again, and she told him, fine. You take the kids. that ended it.
(slight difference though- he wanted her and we kids to go with him and she wouldn't).
(they've been together for nearly 60 years).