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Original poster

44 messages to one number in one day - I feel sick

342 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 14:18

Dh has a contract phone, I get the bill (I got it for him). Just opened it and there is a number cropping up all over the place. Some days is a steady stream. One day is 44 messages. DH claims it must be our childminder (who only picks DS up from here, drops him at school, picks him up and drops him home again). DH hasn't text me the childminders no. yet to 'confirm'. I just don't know what to do. I called the no. and it sounds like her... but then if it is, why does he text her so much? SHe wouldn't look at him twice, and is getting back with her husband. DH has been very nasty the last 2 days from nowhere. He hasn't been like this for years. I don't know what to do

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 26/06/2009 16:08

i'm sorry but people dont threaten divorce and taking your children away unless

a. you have done something wrong

or

b. they have done something wrong

you may well believe what your childminder told you, but there is something that your H is not telling you, his behaviour points to something not being right

gingernutlover · 26/06/2009 16:09

in my opinion he sounds terrified that you are about to find out what he is hiding and wants to feel that everything is your own fault and that you are being unreasonable

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:10

or C. totally immature. He didn't want the aggro. I'd love not to be here (if) he comes home

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:11

O, just text - he is staying around a work mates tonight. Obviously forgotten about the fact the DSs live here to. Great he can just decide to not be a dad for a night.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:12

*too

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:13

Works out nicely or him - last time he had a few days holiday at the coast, tonight no doubt it'll be pub & takeaway with a mate.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 26/06/2009 16:16

twas ever thus

he is a twunt

pllllleeeeeeeeeease take the steps to get rid. i am not just saying so based on this, but on everything else he has subjkcted you to

Lulumama · 26/06/2009 16:16

twas ever thus

he is a twunt

pllllleeeeeeeeeease take the steps to get rid. i am not just saying so based on this, but on everything else he has subjkcted you to

Rindercella · 26/06/2009 16:18

LoW, I am so sorry your H is putting you through this crap.

It sounds like he has acted in a very inappropriate manner with the CM as in fact she has with him too - whatever her innocence, it is still not appropriate to be exchanging so many messages with someone else's H, least of all the H of one of your customers.

Your H is now on the back foot, knowing (whatever the truth is) he is the guilty party but trying to put the blame on you. Threatening divorce, threatening to take your DC away (really fucking about that on your behalf) is trying to make him appear the innocent party. He is not.

Great isn't it that he can choose to stay away from his family for the night. You obviously do not have that 'luxury'.

You are not mad. He has definitely been up to no good and is now hoping mad that he has been discovered.

I do not know where you want to go from here, but I wish you the very best of luck.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/06/2009 16:18

I am really confused and concerned as to why YOU don't have your childminders number.

I would think very carefully about what you do next as his reaction does not match with hers unless he wants out. imo.

Rindercella · 26/06/2009 16:18

*hopping mad, obviously.

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:21

I really am not strong enough... I don't know what to do WRT doing it... you must kinda know by now I am pretty weak - I try not to be but I am. Fuckie fuck, I know I'll sit here like a lemon tonight, first be strong and then get angry then send begging texts.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:22

BakerGirl - because I rarely use my phone. DH always has his and I just never got around to putting it on mine yet.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/06/2009 16:25

Okay

You just because you feel you may have been weak in the past doesn't mean you are now. Do not send him any texts. He has gone off in a strop and you need to just concentrate on your children and yourself.

He has acted like a shit, threatening to file for divorce and to take the kids off you. Is that the actions of someone with nothing to hide?

Sending that many texts in one day is just ridiculous and even if nothing is going on, it still isn't on really.

Be strong. This is your only life. Make it the best it can be.

HappyWoman · 26/06/2009 16:34

sorry to sound tough but you need to make him see that you will not be treated this way. He has done wrong and yet you have to carry on regaurdless.

Believe me you will better off being strong about this - tell him to either come home and sort this out or to start divorce then.

I truly believe we get treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

Sorry you are going to have a horrid night now anyway.

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:41

shall I text that? About come home and sort or I'll start it myself? I really do not know what to do, I am so far removed from normality now I don't know ... I need a step by step guide on what to do... I'm like a headless chicken ATM.

OP posts:
posieparker · 26/06/2009 16:41

Was he lovely once?
Do you think that's the real him and that's why you wait?

My parents have a shit relationship and have for as long as I can remember. My father has even slept with a prostitute younger than me but she stays still. She now feels too old to leave.

Your decision is now. If you find that you'd like him back later, you can if he's still a man you think you can love. The good ones do come back.

My guess is that you are frightened of taking action just in case he's stays gone.

You are not weak, stop telling yourself you are.

disclaimer. I stay with a man who calls me names and is constantly verbally abusive and though am great at giving advice, don't take it!!

posieparker · 26/06/2009 16:43

Put your sim card under one of your dcs pillows, then you can't text. Go rent a good movie, invite a friend over, anything to distract you.

dial 141 before calling him/her and then your number is hidden (landline).

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 26/06/2009 16:46

I am worried I'll leave and regret it (took me 4 years to get over a very abusive ex who was only a first relationship!) , leave with the hope of getting back together but with him growing up in the meantime, but him actually thinking it's better and not wanting me back... I couldn't cope with that 'being kept on the end of a string' thing, we did that before. 5 months I jumped through hoops while he 'grew up'.

OP posts:
ActingNormal · 26/06/2009 16:47

Can't he see that any normal wife would want to know what was going on if they knew their H had had 44 texts from the same woman in one day? You have done nothing wrong in questioning him about it!

But he has reacted by threatening divorce, staying away for the night and threatening to take your children away from you - the thing that would hurt you the most! Him just doing those things is SO bad, bad enough to seriously consider whether you want to stay with him or not! You haven't even done anything awful to 'deserve' him saying those things! (unless there is more that you haven't posted about).

He would have to be thick as sh*t to text someone all day and have no recollection of what they were talking about!

The CM must know it is inappropriate to text someone else's H that many times! There is no way you should feel bad about questioning her about it! She has done wrong. How the hell did she think it would make you feel? Sod how she feels and your H feels. I don't normally say that to people but it seems to me that you don't pay enough attention to and give enough importance to how YOU feel! Did she even think about it? He has also done wrong. They have both treated you insensitively.

Treat yourself as though you value your own importance a bit more (even if you don't, behaving like you do will help you feel better) and don't text him or beg him. He should be begging you for forgiveness.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 26/06/2009 16:52

What do you want to do in your heart, if you could just close your eyes for 5 minutes and wake up and it is there?

pinklady5 · 26/06/2009 16:54

oh lady , please don't let him treat you like this any longer , he is not showing you any respect , he knows by threatening divorce , you will chase after him & let him away with everything , he really does need to grow up , sorry your feeling so low atm
[hug] be strong .

posieparker · 26/06/2009 16:54

Then don't be on the end of anyone's string. Maybe he'd surprise you if you phased him out. Pretend you're strong and then the next thing you know people will treat you like you are and you'll believe it.
If you need to know how this man feels throw him away. He sounds like he's bullying you, testing you, not thinking for a second that no matter what he does you'll walk away.

In you hours this evening write a list of why you want to be with him, you may find this very hard to do.

You have one life and one shot at showing your dcs what it means to be happy.

poshwellies · 26/06/2009 16:54

I'm sorry but I would be calling up the CM and asking what was so important that needed her and your dh to converse all day.

Can you not go to a friends/relatives and get away with dc's for the weekend?

posieparker · 26/06/2009 16:55

141 then CMs number.... ask her calmly why she's phoned your husband, tell her that if she doesn't explain you'll speak to her other parents and warn them.