44 messages to one number in one day - I feel sick

[LadyOfWaffle]

Dh has a contract phone, I get the bill (I got it for him). Just opened it and there is a number cropping up all over the place. Some days is a steady stream. One day is 44 messages. DH claims it must be our childminder (who only picks DS up from here, drops him at school, picks him up and drops him home again). DH hasn't text me the childminders no. yet to 'confirm'. I just don't know what to do. I called the no. and it sounds like her... but then if it is, why does he text her so much? SHe wouldn't look at him twice, and is getting back with her husband. DH has been very nasty the last 2 days from nowhere. He hasn't been like this for years. I don't know what to do

thanks burningupinspeed... i dunno what anyone can do tbh... i feel shit beyond shit

because of him

I'm not 26, I am old. I find it very odd that your CM has time in her day to answer your dh's texts when she is supposed to be looking after her mindees. That is assuming the contact is all innocent.

Why did your dh feel a need to text the CM to warn her that you knew about all the texts? That would ring alarm bells for me since if the texting was entirely innocent the CM would not need notice to come up with a 'story'.

he wanted her to tell me it was her he was texting

she doesn't have mindees some days i think

ds1 won't sleep now.... huuuuuuuumpfh

oh, poor you - i feel so sad for you. Ive been here, done the window watching, the guy wasn't worth it. I look back now and i feel nothing for him, the only thing i feel is embarrasment that i got involved with him in the first place. I was afraid of being alone, a single mother, that i wouldnt meet anyone - i was 21. Within months of getting shot of this person I met my lovely DP and we have been together 17 years.

think you're heavily in denial LOW.

the fact that she's covering for him is even dodgier.

i'd have the fucker followed.

I post this all over the site but everybody deserves to have a Mr Good.

Your DH is beating you into submission just as surely as if he were using his fists. Please call Women's Aid and talk it over with them. They won't tell you what to do but they will offer advice based on years of experience.

If she doesn't take DS to nursery he can't go... she was the only one who could do those hours, to that school.

why do you have no money? does he keep v. tight control of money/bank accounts too by any chance?

His wages go into his account, and he has my card (child benefit/tax credits) just because he is the one who uses it most. Having no car etc. means he does all the shopping - he hates going with the DSs so just goes after work

Oh Jeez love, this really does begin to sound worse and worse. I really hope you get the help & support you need to get out of this relationship. It is damaging and you deserve so much more.

I know that you know people on here can give you great advice on how to go about getting together an exit plan. Please, please listen to them.

Oh LoW, I'm so sorry to hear all this.

Some really great advice on here. Please, please take it.

You can be happy without this utter waste of space in your life.

I guess i'll take it hour by hour, day by day for now. Builders coming tomorrow, concentrate on that for now. I just feel so alone and empty

lady How old are you?

This is not a healthy relationship. I have seen your posts before. Please get out and build a good life for you and your family.

Please find yourself some happiness away from someone who is so disrespectful in so many ways, he has eroded your confidence and trust, you are worth more, do it for yourself and your child.

I had to order a new one yesterday as I lost it when I had it for a day so will keep the new one.

Womans Aid seems abit extreme... I can't see this as abuse...

is WA free to call from a mobile?

LOW - it is abuse, most definitely. I work for Women's Aid and I hear stories like yours every day.

You really aren't the only one it's happening to and there is no shame in calling them to talk it through.

The WA helpline is only free from landlines and it doesn't show on your BT phonebill.

Your local WA should be open on monday and it will be a free call on most inclusive minutes contracts or a local call at the very most.

abuse isn't all obvious

witholding money is abuse - it is listed below from the WA site.....

Pressure tactics: sulking, threatening to withhold money, disconnect the telephone, take the car away, commit suicide, take the children away, report you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands regarding bringing up the children, lying to your friends and family about you, telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.

Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, taking money from your purse without asking, refusing to help with childcare or housework.

Breaking trust: lying to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises and shared agreements.

Denial: saying the abuse doesn't happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.

Good post lewisfan LOW you have put up with this for so long you probably see it as "normal" but really it isn't normal or the actions of someone who is supposed to love and care for you.

LOW there has been some great advice here tonight. You need to take a step back sweetheart, you're not seeing what we're seeing... your dh is being a complete twunt and as for the CM... well.... you should be terminating her contract for inappropriate behaviour.
You have absolutely nothing to lose by giving Woman's aid a call. Please do it... just discussing this with a professional might clear things for you and give you some courage of your convictions.