44 messages to one number in one day - I feel sick

[LadyOfWaffle]

Dh has a contract phone, I get the bill (I got it for him). Just opened it and there is a number cropping up all over the place. Some days is a steady stream. One day is 44 messages. DH claims it must be our childminder (who only picks DS up from here, drops him at school, picks him up and drops him home again). DH hasn't text me the childminders no. yet to 'confirm'. I just don't know what to do. I called the no. and it sounds like her... but then if it is, why does he text her so much? SHe wouldn't look at him twice, and is getting back with her husband. DH has been very nasty the last 2 days from nowhere. He hasn't been like this for years. I don't know what to do

Looked into freedom course, some atarting in Sept.

DH haven;t had much of a chance to talk - Friday he came back very late, then after a little while stormed into bed. Saturday he was working and I put DS2 to bed as soon as we both got back and fell asleep. And today... well, he was supposed to be working but he has text (after texting that he had been working outside all day and was sunburnt, then that he was going to a workmates for an hour who had invited him ages ago, and that he couldn't get the bread and cereal I asked him to bring home because he had no money left) to say actually he felt shit, ever since Fathers Day (his dad died 3 years ago) and called in sick (he doesn't get sick pay, so he will be a shift down on payday) and went to an airshow. The very airshow he lied about doing overtime at work for 2 days in a row to go to a few years back. DS1 loves airplanes, it's free for DS to get in but he still went alone. I really really don't know what the fuck I am going to do anymore.

Wowser, that's some bare faced lying he'd been doing there. What on earth inspired him to come clean at the end of the day? How awful that he didn't just take ds1, but of course he couldn't as he'd previously lied about being at work.

Hardly dare to say it, but wonder where the CM was today ...

he is giving you the answer. he is not stepping up and being a good husband, father or a good person , frankly

please start taking steps to get out

I was even up this morning at 5.30 when he left so I could have a cuddle as we hadn't seen eachother. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH. Watched him put his work clothes on, he must have planned it though. He can't really lie, he's worried I'll leave him now. I wanted to go to the beach the other day but he said we didn't have the petrol money... So he had a night evening at the pub leaving me , now a nice day out in Kent. I love going to these things as a family... I was mad enough before when DS was a baby but he would have really really loved it now.

Sorry LOW am being thick here! If he phoned in sick today then why did he put his work clothes on?

np petrol money but enough for him to go to the pub and then a day out by himself.

you need to get out of this relationship. he's not treating you or your child well.

He either phoned last night/this morning and just did it infront of me... or he rung on the way in (which is what he says)

He says he didn't go into the place, just drove there and watched. But still petrol isn't free, even if it already is in the tank!

gods sake. he is a complete and utter selfish twunt

he is choosing to see his friends, do what he wants and to hell with you and your boys

I thought it was about (DS). But you say "where's my day out" (I text saing I had been through alot but where's my days out?) It's about you. I asked you not to get mad. I told you the truth for once as I want us to be a proper family. For the first time in my life I felt lonely. For the first time since meeting you and been married to you I missed you and wanted you here so badly that I didn't enjoy myself. This wasn't planned. I didn't think "I don't want to take my family" it was a last minute thing.

Oh geez, I don't know whether to laugh or cry - he just keeps digging! First time he's missed me?! When he's left me so often and said he's missed me then? And work isn't on the way - he knew I was up, and after he had rung in it would have been easy to pop home and pick us up. Oh, my heart bleeds love

"I know and im sorry from now on my family will be with me. Im so selfish and I want to change. I feel so sorry for all you guys. I know I should have turned back (I said it wasn't on the way and he could have picked us up) Will you forgive me.

I actually feel about 16 right now!

LoW - He is a liar and a selfish man. I really do understand how scary this must be for you - what would you advise a friend in your situation to do?

I dont know ONE person who has found Relate helpful. LONG term.

i need to post my circle of control dont I?

that he not only thought that, but actually communicated it to you

what a £($&((^$£(&

take a look at this

thing is LoW. he has been like this for ages and ages, years and years

so he has been caught out with another woman, and he is trying to frantically get himslef out of the shit

he'll be nice for a bit, then revert to type

remembenr, he was the one threatening divorce and to take the hcildren off you

can I ask why the not driving is such an issue? do you live somewhere quite rural with poor public transport?

Phew... I know...

Have reaqd the wheel - I am not sure (well, I really do think ) he is abusive as much as having episodes of being extremely selfish. Is being selfish abuse? He very rarely shouts, we don't often argue... one episode of violence ever... he just can be all about himself. His cousin is the same , and so was his dad and TBH so is his mum. He gets tunnel vision and blocks everything else out. I don't feel scared/threatened or anything around him. I know if I want X,Y or Z i'll get it. If I wanted to go out, he'd never stop me. If I blew a months wages on clothes he'd be abit confused and pissed off, but he wouldn't be angry ... Is it not able to be worked on? Or am I not thinking straight?

you have nothing to lose by putting him to the test and seeing if he really does want to be a family. Make definate times with him when you are going out as a family and what you will do. See if he sticks to them permanently, if not then he really is Lord of Waffle and at least you will know

Me not driving? Just public transport with 2 kids when I have depression anyway is near impossible. Gives me the heebie geebies just thinking about taking my 2 on a bus again!

please cast your mind back to some of the other threads you have started about him and his behaviour

he abandons you when you need him most.

he is a liar

he is selfish

he leaves you without money, transport and food

he has been violent

Normally we go out alot as a family - most his days off. I wouldnt have even been pissed off if he told me he fancied a day to himself... it's these frigging lies! And it hurts that it's the same place as 2 years ago that he lied about going to alone, and old issues from when we first got together his dad suddenly banned (!) me from going to a classic car show so have ishoos with being left out still.

He would argue that I am an adult (re the food/money stuff). If he chooses to leave he should be able to, that I am not his dependant (though the DCs are and obviously he shouldn't be leaving them without...)

I wish I could just get rid of parts of him! Honestly I have never met anyone with such a selfish streak... day to day he is very generous, etc. etc. but when it comes out it's awful. His cousin is the same, leaving me locked out in the middle of the night in January... I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy! It's really as if he cannot "get" other peoples feelings...

Yeah, I guess I shoudn't feel grateful that I didn't find out by chance/checking up for once...