PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME.

[BarbieLovesKen]

I've been married 10 months now, I've been with my now dh for years.

We have a beautiful little girl who will be 4 later this year.

We built a house that we poured our heart and souls into and moved in to it two weeks before our wedding last year.

I am 9 weeks pregnant with our second baby. I had a misscarraige in February of this year.

My husband has always had his ways but comes across as extremely content, happy and satisfied with his lot in life.

Although I am aware how ridiculously naive and stupid I sound, I have laughed at women who have said what I am about to but I honestly, honestly never, ever thought he would have this in him..he had his faults but I always thought this was something I never had to worry about.

He went out Thursday night with his friends to celebrate an achievement in work. Apparantly on the way home his friend bumped into a girl he knows on the street and invited her up to his (and his girlfriends)house for karoke etc... (3am), the 4 of them went and spent hours having great fun singing etc.. the couple went to bed, my dh rang a taxi and she rang a taxi and while waiting they ended up kissing.

The b*stard then proceeded to text her all day Friday, all day Saturday, all day Sunday... he went out again Sunday night and she "happened" to be in the pub he went to so the two of them, with two of his friends had a lovely night out together, went dancing, he walked her up to her house "somewhere quite" where they kissed, he felt her fanjo, chest and she had a good feel back too.

Apparantly he didnt actually stick anything inside her as she was having her period.

(I really apologise for being so so crude)

He continued to text her Monday.. complete filth between both of them, this is how I found out, I seen some of the messages and they were all about her pssy and his cck. He had this conversation while I sat on the couch beside him and our daughter played on the floor.

I cannot put in to words how devastated I am. If not for my daughter I just wish I was dead.

well done Barbie for being brave enough to come back. Dont for a moment let the nasty posters make you feel less than. I am sorry your miscarriage got dragged up. Its one reason I regret ever posting on MN it can just be too much.

Start a new thread - Barbie Discovers Ken or something, so you dont have to comb past all the shit to get to the help.

Barbie, you poor thing....I don't know what to say....but hope you can work out what you need to do and what you want.....

and OMG...people...what is wrong with some of you....

Thank you again. Shineon - not really. You hear of it happening to people or see it on tv and Ive imagined how awful it must be but I never, ever imagined it would feel like this.

I went crazy Monday evening to be honest, I dont think it had fully sunk it, I was angry and I cried but nothing to the degree of the few days after. I was in a very "factual" place - if that makes any sense. I needed all the information I could get.

After the kitchen, he followed me into the sitting room and was stupidly saying "whats wrong??" I told him to fuck off and not have that little respect to even ask me that so he said "ok I was texing someone"

Honestly, the lying bastard, it went from I was texing someone to - I met her Thurs night and we were just flirting and texing to - I met her Thurs night and kissed her once and I felt awful, and on and on until I got it all (well, that could definately be agreed though, couldnt it?!)

The reason he spilled so much is because hes not only a deceptive, lying, cheating bastard but hes also completely stupid.

I convinced him I knew more than I did i.e. I think he thought I had spoken to someone (one of his friends) or that I had rang her directly and knew everything. I kept telling him "your lying, your lying - I already know what happened and want to know if you think enough of me to tell me the truth"

shineon....doubt that will happen...

oh, and Barbie, good on you to return....wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't...after that reception

I think he needs to give you the phone while you dial the number (if it's still on there) and then he needs to tell her, in front of you, that you know and he will not be contacting her again.

Infact I think he should give you the phone full stop until she texts again - unless of course he's already told her.

Do you know the people he was with and would you feel up to speaking to them directly about it?

what a cock.

Barbie i was the same age as you when i discovered my dp was cheating, i also had a 4 yr old ds (you wre 17 like me when you had you dd?) i felt completely crushed and i wanted the world to stop turning so i could get off

My advice would be to talk to your mum or a friend, you will get through it, i feel so for you, i wish there was more i could say to help

sorry - a colleague came in and I had to click post.

He told me eveything then, to be honest I asked way more questions than were probably good for me as now I can picture everything and keep getting flashes.

Monday night I told him I wanted him out. I told him (I dont know why!!) that dd and I would be staying in my aunts house the next night and that would be his opportunity to pack his stuff and go. I told him to leave his key under the mat and by the time I came home Wednesday, he was to be gone.

He slept on the couch.

I got up Tuesday and dont know how, but went to work, I was in a complete daze but kept my mind busy, I texted my aunt and asked if dd and I could stay over. She said of course and assumed we'd just had a row.

Had to act normal that evening while dd was up and played with her etc.. I stayed up with my aunt until after 2am the next morning talking and crying and trying to understand or comprehend it all.

He texted once at 8pm (he had put his sim into an old phone) to ask if we were in xxxx's - I ignored it, he then texed again at about 10 and said would I ring CM as she was looking for me, but I ignored him.

I was supposed to be off yesterday but had to come in in the morning for a few hours as one of the girls had gone sick and I needed to tie up a few things.

I arrived home at about 1 o'clock. He was still there, washing all his clothes. We spent about 5 hours talking - I screamed at him, cried my heart out and was calm about 10 times each. I told him that I wanted him to go - the last thing I ever wanted was to be pregnant, give birth and everything else on my own but I felt the decision was taking off me.

I know people will say its raw and early etc.. but honestly, I dont think I will ever, ever, ever get over this. I cant bare the thoughts of ever touching him again and will wonder where he is/ what hes doing if he goes to the damn toilet.

Benieb - I have his phone.

He said hes sorry (naturally), said he would spend his whole life trying to make it up to me (naturally), all the usual shit..

His reasons - he has lost quite a bit of weight recently - he said he was getting quite a few comments on how well he looked - which has never got before, really. He said it was nothing to do with me or his home life. He said it was basically because he was being a stupid immature male prick whos ego needed filling and that he had got some attention off someone he took it too far.

He said he knows people look at us funny and wonder why we are together, that his friends/ work colleagues are always shocked when they realise Im his wife, He sees the way men look at me and that for once he was getting attention from opposite sex.

I know that sounds unbelieveibly big headed on my part to admit him saying that, and I dont think I am anything special to look at but I do get alot of male attention.

He said we were so so young and things happened so quickly for us - dd, house, wedding - (true, but I am two years younger than he is)

He said all his friend were single and having fun and he stupidly wanted a taste but sincerely regrets it.

He said basically there is no defending it, he done a disgusting thing and is ashamed.

Vinegartits - did it work out after? did it take long to stop hurting that bad? Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

Oh Goodness,Barbie, you poor, poor thing.

I agree with others that you need to take this one step at a time.

How awful for you.

Barbie no sadly it didnt work out for us, but it wasnt just a fling like yours, it was a full blown affair and he was in love with her

It was really hard, but i had to pick up the pieces of my life and carry on, and i really can say it made me a stronger person

Give yourself time, dont make any rash decisions right now, take time out away from your dh and collect your thoughts, give yourself some time to start healing, you may or may not be able to resolve things, everybody deserves a second chance

Sorry you're going through this Barbie.

Please don't make any decisions yet, you need to give yourself a chance to get over the shock and anger.

It sounds to me like he genuinely regrets it and really loves you, and I don't want to make excuses for him but you have both been through a hard time this year.

I don't have any advice, but just want to say that I am amazed at how one person can be so strong, after all that you have been through. I'm sure it will work out and one day you'll look back on this year and be amazed at yourself (as will your DD).

Barbie, I am so sorry you're going through this.
"He said it was basically because he was being a stupid immature male prick whos ego needed filling and that he had got some attention off someone he took it too far."
Did he say it in pretty much those words - was he as down on himself as that?
Obviously only you know really whether you can get past this but if he genuinely realises he's messed up, loves you and would do anything to regain your trust then my opinion would be don't make any decisions too hastily.

Barbie, you will feel better in time, really you will. When it happened to me, over a decade ago now, I was truly heartbroken as you are now but it did get better and eventually it becomes a bad memory that hurts only if you think about it for too long.

It didn't work out with my ExH but we didn't have children and we were also rather young.

I also found out via his mobile phone, texts had only just come about, and the shock is astounding. You really need for the shock to die down a little before you make any hard decisions.

Take care of yourself and well done for coming back to the thread.

Wow Barbie, what an awful situation. I dont have any real advice but I hope everything works out for you for the best.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/540883-beware-really-long-please-help-me-im-getting-married-in?re verse=1

I know Devil, and its something I have said last night to my aunt - it could be karma - I probably deserve this as I have behaved disgustingly. Not to defend it in the least though, this was before I was married, he wasnt pregnant with my baby and I didnt continue to text/ ring or meet up with this guy again.

I didnt grope him etc.. I truely felt awful and vowed never to do it again, I was acting very strange around my dh after - he acted so normally all weekend it scares me. I dont know if it makes a difference though. I have no right to defend it. As I said I must deserve it but I do think this is worse.

Well 2 wrongs dont make a right and she still has every right to feel crushed by what her dh did

Got to go now, will pop back later

what a terribly sad story; please remember to look after yourself and your growing baby through all of this. Hope it all works out for you the way you want it to.

I know Vinegartits and thanks for that although, it is a good point and has got me thinking - maybe I just got what I should have - am I justified feeling this way??

Oh dear barbie, what a mess.

Look as far as I can see it, if it had just been a kiss and then the end, no more then a) you would never have found out, and b) it is so much easier to forgive and move on.

Texting in the cold light of day when the beer goggles have fallen off is far more worrying. It's pre-meditated and cold.