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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME.

248 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 18/06/2009 12:38

I've been married 10 months now, I've been with my now dh for years.

We have a beautiful little girl who will be 4 later this year.

We built a house that we poured our heart and souls into and moved in to it two weeks before our wedding last year.

I am 9 weeks pregnant with our second baby. I had a misscarraige in February of this year.

My husband has always had his ways but comes across as extremely content, happy and satisfied with his lot in life.

Although I am aware how ridiculously naive and stupid I sound, I have laughed at women who have said what I am about to but I honestly, honestly never, ever thought he would have this in him..he had his faults but I always thought this was something I never had to worry about.

He went out Thursday night with his friends to celebrate an achievement in work. Apparantly on the way home his friend bumped into a girl he knows on the street and invited her up to his (and his girlfriends)house for karoke etc... (3am), the 4 of them went and spent hours having great fun singing etc.. the couple went to bed, my dh rang a taxi and she rang a taxi and while waiting they ended up kissing.

The b*stard then proceeded to text her all day Friday, all day Saturday, all day Sunday... he went out again Sunday night and she "happened" to be in the pub he went to so the two of them, with two of his friends had a lovely night out together, went dancing, he walked her up to her house "somewhere quite" where they kissed, he felt her fanjo, chest and she had a good feel back too.

Apparantly he didnt actually stick anything inside her as she was having her period.

(I really apologise for being so so crude)

He continued to text her Monday.. complete filth between both of them, this is how I found out, I seen some of the messages and they were all about her pssy and his cck. He had this conversation while I sat on the couch beside him and our daughter played on the floor.

I cannot put in to words how devastated I am. If not for my daughter I just wish I was dead.

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 18/06/2009 14:39

I can sort of understnd with the new / first post but someone who has been here since 2006 ??
Or is that because of Lola et al

Rhubarb · 18/06/2009 14:40

Whilst the pedants point out that accuse-itry isn't a word!

myweestars · 18/06/2009 14:40

Oh well Barbie, hope you're ok and genuine people out here wanting to help you. Let us know you are ok as it has been a while since we last heard from you.

BunnyLebowski · 18/06/2009 14:42

Loving J'accuse-itry hully

And very true..

MerryPonymum · 18/06/2009 14:43

Why don't we stop squabbling about this now and get back to the dilemma of the original post so that when she comes back she will see supportive messages first and foremost?

Barbie, your situation is heartbreaking. I'm sorry your DH is being such an unpleasant twit. Is it possible it was a moment of madness and he will thoroughly regret what he's done and what he's risked? I can just about see - though not excuse - why he might have had this girl's attention go to his 'head'. It's possible he'll come to his senses and utterly regret the pain he's caused you?

hullygully · 18/06/2009 14:43

And the baby-namers ponder it as a middle name of startling originality. But does it GO?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 18/06/2009 14:46

More fodder for the DM.

Barbie - start a new thread and ignore people. Lots of posters are on edge and alert after recent goings on but it doesn't excuse their rudeness.

GossipMonger · 18/06/2009 14:47

Well that went well didnt it.

I have spoken to the OP many times and seen her around for ages.

Poor girl.

Not surprised if she doesnt come back.

Honestly - some of you are horrible.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 18/06/2009 14:49

I am utterly shocked at this thread and some of you really should be extremely ashamed of yourselves. Am off to do school run but very much hope that someone will have started a new thread for Barbie with some constructive advice on it, if the poor woman can face coming back.

BarbieLovesKen · 18/06/2009 14:55

I'm sorry I went off - I'm actually in work and was busy - I was also a little upset my some of the comments but I understand, having been round here for a few years, why people are suspicious of trolling.

Anyway, the kind replies far out weighed the cruel ones so I couldnt but reply and thank you all so much.

Howtotell and Dogma, my baby (from the miscarraige) would have been due on the 5th of October this year. I was only 7 weeks when I lost him/ her, that was in February - actually valentines weekend because I was in the EPU on the Friday and had to go back on the Monday as they needed 2 lots of bloods to confirm drop in HCG levels and the sac was completely gone by the Monday.

I bled for 6 weeks though, so it was difficult.

I'm sorry I didnt put more info in the original post. It was so simple really. I hadnt suspected a thing but they talk about womens intuition, as silly as it may sound, and I would believe that was how I found out.

I asked him for his phone to text our childminder about arrangements for dd Tuesday morning as her (CMs) daughter had a baby and she took the week off to help out - was her first day back. I asked for his phone as I had no credit and his is a bill phone.

So strange really, I texted CM and for some unknown reason I felt the need to look into his sent items - honestly I have never been bothered to do this before and dont know why I did. There were a list of messages to a "Johnny" so I was about to put the phone down, when I clicked in - the first message was something about pssy and for a second I thought he had been (disgustingly) slagging one of his friends over "getting it", I clicked into the next and realised it was a girl - clearly - I honestly cant remember as I was in total shock but again it was something about her pssy and "how would you rate me to your friends"

The next minute, dh came down stairs very quickly - almost as if he had realised that he'd stupidly left messages in his phone. (he had delighted all inbox ones from "Johnny" except one on Friday morning saying that she was very hungover etc...) and there were only a couple in his sent items (these were sent up to 5 mins before I seen them)

For a second I didnt know what to do, he acted normal, took his phone and walked upstairs. I went upstairs and he was in our ensuite on the toilet, he heard me in the bedroom and said "oh CM is after texting you back" so I asked for the phone (I wanted to check further as I hadnt had long previously) he said "oh she just said thats fine about the morning" but I still asked for it and he handed it out the bathroom door - I checked - all sent items completely deleted.

I walked downstairs - he was still in toilet but I think the panic hit him and he knew.

He followed me down to kitchen and said "you alright" and I blew.. I smashed his phone off the tiles on the floor, he just looked completely shocked. I cant condone this for one second and dont agree with what I've done but I started hitting him in the face while crying. Funnily enough, youd imagine a reaction to that would be to hold me back, ask what the hell but he just stood with his arms by his sides and took it. I really hurt him too - alot of blood from his nose and I am ashamed.

Im so sorry this is so long, Im going to post what happened after in a second as Im aware how long this post is.

Thank you for listening to me.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 18/06/2009 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rhubarb · 18/06/2009 14:58

I'm so so sorry Barbie. I have to pick the kids up now, but I hope you get better answers than mine would have been. What a horrendous situation. My heart goes out to you, I'm so very sorry.

BarbieLovesKen · 18/06/2009 14:59

Rhubarb, you have been so so sweet and kind to me on here. I can't thank you enough. Thank you for standing up for me.

OP posts:
whoisasking · 18/06/2009 15:02

Barbie
You are a star for coming back to this thread.

LovingtheSilverFox · 18/06/2009 15:03

Goodness, it all sounds very upsetting. Would this be a relationship ending situation, or are you thinking of staying? Not judging either way, but trying to get a feel for where your head is at.

suwoo · 18/06/2009 15:03

for you Barbie. What a twat.

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/06/2009 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane · 18/06/2009 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rindercella · 18/06/2009 15:04

Barbie, after all that earlier nonsense, I really admire you for coming back to this thread.

The situation sounds horreoundous.

LovingtheSilverFox · 18/06/2009 15:05

Has he had any further contact with her? I think that would be an important factor in helping me to decide whether his hairy arse could walk or not.

BunnyLebowski · 18/06/2009 15:07

Barbie you poor thing. Your reaction, whilst not to be condoned, is hardly surprising given the betrayal and deceit you've suffered.

I've experienced a similar situation years ago with DP. We got past it (eventually) but it was a terrible time.

You have my absolute sympathy and best wishes.

Have you thought about what you're going to do?

Lilyloo · 18/06/2009 15:08

Barbie i completely admire you for coming back here and feel very that you have had to post every detail of your personal life that had nothing to do with your OP.

You will get through this as unbelievable as that seems right now!

CrushWithEyeliner · 18/06/2009 15:08

You poor thing barbie

VinegarTits · 18/06/2009 15:08

Oh barbie you poor love, i am guessing he confessed everything after you found out?

How are things between you now?

PaulaYatesMum · 18/06/2009 15:09

barbie he has been a turd but nothing 'much' has actually happened yet

he needs his schoolboy bubble popped and to realise what is at risk here!