does anyone occasionally get woken up in the middle of the night by their dp/dh trying to 'get it in' while your asleep?

[juicychops]

my dp does this occasionally, the last time being 2 nights ago. its not something that bothers me and we've got an understanding ive basically told him it doesn't bother me as long as he doesn't expect any kind of cooperation (we are talking about 2-3am, not around 10pm!!)

does anyone else have this situation??

...and he had stated clearly prior to that that he was quite happy to just be friends. I didn't see any reason to expect a 'quick grope' that night - i was in a state over what had happened, and he knew this. I wasn't really in the mood for 'teasing'.

Thankyou Dittany, I am grateful for that. Also I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you.

dittany- talk about over-reacting!

Just because I have a slightly different perspective on this to you is no reason to be offensive. It has nothing at all to do with me "feeling important".

I am sorry you were raped, but you have to admit there is huge difference between being raped and someone having a quick grope whilst they were invited to share your bed- especially a man you knew fancied you? As uaual, people cherry -pick the parts of the posts they like and ignore others- I did say it was not right, but I also said it was understandable and not really a big deal. The guy obviously felt shit over it afterwards and it seems a pretty small incident tbh.

I was once groped in a street, alone at night when I was 16, by a man who stopped me to ask for the time then put his hands on my breasts- I told no-one and have lived with it ever since. It was no big deal, though I am glad it went no further , obviously.

Going to leave this now as it's nothing to do with the OP-I was trying to put another perpective to help NF .

it is a bit grim groping a sleeping friend who trusts you though.... completely different to making an inept pass to that friend who is awake.

Howtotellmum - I do agree that there is a huge difference between a man making a pass at you because he thinks it will be welcomed and backs off immediatly he realizes he got the wrong end of the stick, and someone using the fact you are asleep to attempt an assault. I think you are pefectly sensible.

Dittany, I think you were really out of order to flame her like that - if you read everything through the prism of your own experience you are not listening to what people are actually saying!

Howtotell, before leaving the thread due to the same reasons you state, I'm just going to say that I am very GLAD I have now reached the point where I don't care whether you think it was 'nothing' or not.

I see that as a measure of my increased self worth nowadays. I am sure there are plenty of people who like you would seek to minimise what happened to me.

Equally there are those who will see it as it is: a minor sexual assault, which I in no way invited.

Hope you're ok Flight.

...and further to that I'd like to add that I don't consider it was particularly serious, contacted no authorities, told no one else...I merely ceased being friends with someone who obviously hadn't the power to control his urges.

People wouldn't accept a 'little grope' in a professional situation, it would be classed as harrassment and the 'offender' likely reprimanded or sacked. So why would I accept it in a private one?

thanks BoF I'm fine

Juicychops -sorry but I've namechanged cos I can see how much of a flaming you are getting. I'm baffled as to why people on this thread class this as 'assault' and 'rape'

I have an understanding with my dh that he can do this if he wants and so I do not see a problem at all.

If I had asked him never to do this and he still did, that would be assault. But consent has been given.

Would any of you flamers consider it 'assault' if you decided to fondle your dh's penis while he is asleep? I do that too.

and before anyone starts telling me I have low self esteem, I have genius level IQ, a highly successful career, 2 fantastic dh, am slim and good looking and have a very close and loving relationship with my dh!

'2 fantastic DC '

bitoffun- just to say "thanks" for the support.

flight- I did not mean to offend you, but having been the victim of 2 incidents of "sexual assault" in a public place- the one I have mentioned and another on public transport, I can see there is a world of difference between a mis-judged pass where the offender was full of remorse and felt he'd made a complete tit of himself, and a threatening, more sinsiter attempt to touch someone inappropriately.

Agreed Reality! Not much point in a dry poke- DP would not find me impressed

It sounds like he has a fetish, which you are prepared to indulge. I don't see the problem if you are happy with it. I'm sure there are lots of MNers with dark fetishes that their partners allow them to indulge. The problem only arises when one of you is uncomfortable. Otherwise - go right ahead. It's fine to indulge your partner with their fetish if you are fond of them and it doesn't make you uncomfortable.

Personally I would provide him with a tube of KY though...

I had a partner who liked doing the deed while I was reading a book ...

Thanks Howtotell,

he wasn't 'full of remorse' though. He spent the following day trying to joke his way out of it by text message as though he hadn't stepped over any boundaries. in short he expected me to 'forget' about it, and it was this attitude that confirmed to me that I couldn't. iyswim...

Right, this is interesting.

There appear to be 2 issues which stand out:

penetration - reality seems to say that fondling is okay, but penetration is not. So if dh plays with your boobs/clit etc, that's okay, but penetration is a no-no. Why is one 'assault' and the other is not?

reciprocation that charming term 'wank vessel' seems to imply that it is somehow wrong for dh to derive sexual gratification from my body without giving me anyway. i assume then that reality never gives a BJ without getting anything back, etc?

And how does one police that - how do you make sure you are both getting equal amounts of stimulation? Timers on the bedside table.

I quite like intercourse without foreplay - and lubrication is never an issue here. I also feel so close to dh that our bodies belong to both of us, so if he touches me I couldn't ever see that as assault.

Sex is a strange thing and no one can explain it. But to say that any form of consensual sex is by default "wrong" is bonkers.

It's sex without teh participation of anyone else.

so is wanking on someone, pissing on someone, spanking someone, dry humping someone....

sometimes there is fun in "being done to", it doesn't have to be everyone participating at once. It isn't Morris Dancing. (unless you are solid gold, in which case the line may be blurry)

So it's definitely the penetration thing that is the big hang up with you, reality. No-one must enter your body without your express permission. Not even your dh/dp? Can he stick his finger in your ear as a joke? Get a bit of grit out of your eye?

I just do not see it like that. And that does not mean it is WRONG - as you put it. My body is to be shared with my dh - I enjoy that we are so close. I don't cordon off one area because it happens to be an orifice!

< decides to keep quiet >

Yes, I agree sex can be, erm, an individual taste...