does anyone occasionally get woken up in the middle of the night by their dp/dh trying to 'get it in' while your asleep?

[juicychops]

my dp does this occasionally, the last time being 2 nights ago. its not something that bothers me and we've got an understanding ive basically told him it doesn't bother me as long as he doesn't expect any kind of cooperation (we are talking about 2-3am, not around 10pm!!)

does anyone else have this situation??

nadI? And I?

Not particularly proud, just being lighthearted, and the MNing is actually a joke- I'm not that dextrous...I can't do stuff like rubbing my tummy while patting my head
A lazy fumble in front of the telly with a hangover is just a bit of affection in my book...if you know that's not the way you ALWAYS relate to each other, and you're both secure that you're loved, the odd bit of lazy sex is neither here nor there in my book.

sorry BoF, forgot the . I've often been (proudly) groped in the kitchen area, as it were, without any say so in the matter.....

Ah, the little makes all the difference! I felt like a proper perv then, lol...

sexual offences act 2003 is pretty specific on this subject. Section 74, I recall, deals with consent, or otherwise. The idea that what JC relates can be interpreted as rape is just risible.

Yes I think in general what would make this sort of thing not rape is when there is an understanding (after discussion) between the couple that one or both likes this sort of sex (and if one is less keen then s/he doesn't mind it now and again to oblige the other partner as the other partner is happy to oblige their fantasies in turn). WHich is not the same thing AT ALL as 'we are officially a couple therefore you have consented to sex with me whenever I feel like having it...

Exactly, SGB!

Btw, if you email me your address I'll send you that book!

I agree with Pan.
To call this rape is to diminish the horror of real rape.

nahui - friends of mine used to re-arrange the fridge magnets to indicate they are up for exchanging secretions later.....cute!

Blimey, I'm surprised by the postings on this thread.

I have very often woken up to DH touching me sexually or squeezing himself against my bum. Never to penetrative sex but to touching definitely.

More often than not he is practically asleep himself and even if I wanted to take it further he'd be back snoring in 2mins. Occasionally he wants to take it further and I either a) agree and we have sex or b)tell him to piss off. He would never dream of going ahead if I have said no.

We have a loving and respectful marriage and it would never occur to me that this was anything other my my hubbie semi waking in an amorous mood and making a pass at me. No way would I ever consider it assault.

However, I know with certainty that if he knew it made me feel uncomfortable,he would stop doing it. As things stand he is happy to risk my wrath at being woken up in the night.

This has been a topic in my relationship lately. My wife now claim she wouldn't mind middle of the night fumblings, but for years I had the impression it would result in some severe ear ache. When you have toddler and know you will be grateful to only get up at 6.a.m as opposed to 3 or 4 to change a wet bet or sort a nightmare you kind of need every minute of sleep. She regularly wakes me up to tell me I am snoring...cheers I was asleep you git!

But he isn't waking her is he? He just climbs on & gets on with it! IT wakes her up, the act of him going in!

I am all for dh waking me anytime, however he does it by rubbing/stroking my back & only gets more intimate when he knows I am awake & responsive. But I would be as pissed as anything if I woke to find him on top/inside me.

And if I was 'dry' I certainly wouldn't 'sort that out for him'. If he wants sex is it up to him to make my mind & my body respond to him...not up to me to squirt some lube up myself so he can carry on!

And not different name for this, but I haven't changed it since last night.

I agree with the poster who said to call this rape is to diminish the horror of "actual rape", and I say this as someone who's been on the receiving end of "actual rape". If it were someone you didn't know and you woke up with them inside you then of course it's rape. If this is just something you and your DH do, so be it. DH actually did try this once, sort of, and I woke up and shrieked "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" so loudly his ear rang all the next day. Occasionally we wake each other up with touching but no further until the other one says, "oh FINE," which is usually the way it goes as we're exhausted

Well as there are several people on this thread who have very clearly stated that this has happened to them, and that they consider it to be rape, then telling them that no it's not "actual' rape is not on really. That doesn't mean that the OP's experience is necessarily rape, depending on what prior consent arrangements they have, and whether she feels coerced into accepting this behaviour. However sex without prior consent is rape (that is the UK legal definition). Whether that is by a stranger or by someone you know and even love.

The issue is whether the OP and her partner have discussed this type of sexual activity, and whether they have both said that it is something they would like to do (and no coercion is involved). I personally have an issue with the idea that you should ever have to say "no". For me if I feel like sex I very much wish to be saying "yes" (and for dh to feel the same way). Which is where the codes come in. I like a bit of submission personally, but the idea of waking up and finding that there was a dick stuck in me is not appealing at all (sexual touching would be very nice sometimes) especially as I wouldn't be turned on, so it wouldn't be very pleasurable. I've tried being amorous with dh when he is asleep in the past and it never works because he usually has morning glory and needs for it to go before he pees, so getting properly turned on is actually quite painful. I expect if I tried in the middle of the night that would be different.

The missing bit for me with the OP is that she hasn't said that she enjoys this activity, and surely sex should be mutually enjoyable?

'nahui - friends of mine used to re-arrange the fridge magnets to indicate they are up for exchanging secretions later.....cute!'

stupid, more likes. as is 'exchanging secretions'. boak! what are you, 14?

Cheerfulyank: "If it were someone you didn't know and you woke up with them inside you then of course it's rape."

If you wake up with someone inside you then it's rape, regardless of whether you know them or not. There's a big difference between the sort of instance a lot of people are discussing on here, the sleepy fumble and 'asking' in a nudging way if your female partner is up for it and penentrating her without her consent when she's fast asleep.

Having said that, if you are in a relationship and it has been pre-agreed between you that you're happy for your partner to do then that is entirely different. If you haven't had that conversation, then it's still rape. Otherwise you're back in the land where you're saying that husbands can't rape their wives which I hope we can all agree is not a desirable place to be.

I think it is perfectly clear that the OP is consenting- she says she leaves her nighty off as a "sign" that it's ok.

If she is not really saying "yes" and has posted here to get some soundings as to what is acceptable or not, then she has not posted anything since to say she is unhappy- I think there's a danger we are all reading too much into this.

If the OP has given consent then I don't really understand the point of this thread. I wasn't talking about the OP specifically - I just thought it was worth clarifying that it's still rape even if you are in a relationship with someone and haven't given consent.

I don't understand the point of the thread- unless it is a sick troll.

The only "point" is that the OP may have some mis-givings about what she is experiencing and wants to sound us out.

She hasn't come back anyway, despite all the "advice" and questions as to what she gets out of it.

If you are really, really ok then that's your choice and tbh, how other people feel / would feel if it happened to them is not relevant, because it is not happening to them, he is doing it to you, not them. Other people's experience is other people's experience and not yours.

That said, are you sure you don't mind? You say you aren't bothered, but does that mean you enjoy it or you just aren't bothered if he, basically, uses your body as an aid to masturbation - because isn't that what he is doing? He isn't having sex with you, you are simply not stopping him from using your body to give himself pleasure. And you don't care, so long as he doesn't want anything from you other than that bit of friction?

I think that you really need to think about how you honestly feel. If you still feel it's not a problem for you, then who is anyone else to try to tell you it is?

Juicy I can see where everyone is coming fro in that if you felt the need to ask there must be a slight misgiving about it in your head. BUT at the end of teh day if you and your partner are happy with this arrangement then so be it, it's your decision just because X does'nt like it does'nt mean Y can't.

We often have that weird mid dream fumbly sex although we often wake with hands everywhere before leading to sex, I personally would'nt be happy but like I say aslong as it's been discussed and it's not violent then feel free it has no effect on me what so ever.

That said though could your DP get some tests done as a friend of mine's boyfriend does actually have a condition where he will do stuff without even waking up or knowing and he has been known to try and get it on with sleeping friend. He has to take medication something to do with an over active part of the brain, no idea what it's called must find out.