does anyone occasionally get woken up in the middle of the night by their dp/dh trying to 'get it in' while your asleep?

[juicychops]

my dp does this occasionally, the last time being 2 nights ago. its not something that bothers me and we've got an understanding ive basically told him it doesn't bother me as long as he doesn't expect any kind of cooperation (we are talking about 2-3am, not around 10pm!!)

does anyone else have this situation??

Even if you are absolutely fine with it, are you not concerned that your DP wants to have sex with you while you are effectively an unconscious, non-responsive lump?

Sorry, another no, and I would be very upset if he did.

Is he satisfied with the amount of sex you have Juicychops?

My dh doesn't do this, however if it was something in our relationship that we were both okay with, talked about it, and knew that one another would stop if the other said no, then I don't think it's wrong at all. Every relationship is different, and as long as both parties are happy, then I think that's fine.

I would be open to something like this happening, if dh wanted to, and we'd talked about before hand, but then I like to play a submissive role in the sexual side of our relationship ( in a kind of fetish Dom/Sub kind of way ). There are many ways to have a relationship with somebody and it's all about informed consent.

Under no circumstances. But then I have a history of childhood SA so it would be my worst nightmare.

I do think that there is something not quite right about wanting to do it with someone who is not awake and participating. Are you happy with every other area of your sex life and relationship or is this a symptom of his attitude generally? I mean, if you are genuinely happy then it is no one else's business...but then why post?

sweetkitty, yes, he wakes me up when he's either playing or 'going in' and then he 'spoons' me (if thats the right word for it) we hold hands whilst cuddling and he carries on either with me laying there just with his arms around me, or il keep nodding off! Then we fall asleep like that or il turn and cuddle him.

he usually mentions it if he's considering it when we go to sleep so il sleep naked for him

i wasn't looking for reassurance, was just asking a genuine question to see if anyone else did similar things with their partners

we have a good sex life where pretty much anything goes (within reason) and this is just something we like doing that falls within our bounderies

lottiebunny I have woken DP up by playing with him and he loves it, and I don't mind if he wakes me up with a little gentle foreplay, because I can always say no, as he can, but, for me, that is very different from actual penetration. I really would not like that at all.

DH goes out late some nights, and before he leaves I may say "wake me up when you get in" - he'll get in and try to rouse me. Sometimes I'll wake up, sometimes I'll grunt and tell him I'm too knackered. Either is fine with him (well, I think he prefers me waking up tbh, but doesn't object if I say no, just goes to sleep himself). But he doesn't go as far as your DP does while I'm asleep, and wouldn't enter me unless I woke up.

I was raped once by someone doing this to me so I would absolutely hate it if my DP did this. It would be the end of the relationship actually. Yuck

I think that if the OP has told him that she is ok with it in advance (which means that it has been talked through) and, on the occasions she has asked him to stop he has, then I dont think it's fair to call him a rapist. I agree that I wouldnt like it and wouldnt allow it myself but, if the OP genuinely doesnt mind, then it's not for me to suggest her OH is committing a criminal act everytime it happens.
However, the fact that there the OP has seen fit to post on this, despite saying that she doesnt mind, suggests that either, deep down, she doesnt feel entirely comfortable with it or feels that she should mind when she doesnt.
Do you have a healthy sexual relationship Juicychops apart from these incidents? Forgive me if that seems an impertinent question. Is this the extent of your sex life with your partner or is this something that happens only when you are too tired/not in the mood etc?

yes dp is very satisfied with our sex life and amount of sex. we have sex most nights

No, my DH seems to prefer me as an active participant in our sex life.

I don't mind being woken with foreplay but if he woke me by 'sticking it in' I'd be 1, dry, 2, not remotely aroused and 3, feel like I was incidental in the proceedings. If he's that horny and I'm asleep he can go and sort himself out.

Juicy, it does tbh sound as though you are a little bit bothered by it - otherwise, why the post?

I think whether this abusive or not is completely subjective! Each to their own.

It's possibly not entirely healthy if it's the only way sex occurs? Even then, a submissive preference in bed doesn't equate to an imbalanced relationship on the whole.

I have always thought of sex as a participation sport. It's creepy that he doesn't need you to participate.

I do wonder if Juicychops was asking what other people did because she has got this idea that there is 'normal' sex which is OK and 'not-normal' sex which is not, ie that how many other people like or don't ike a sexual practice is important. Basically, what other people do is not relevant if all parties involved in sex are adults who are enjoying it.
And I have known other couples who do this sort of thing ie have an understanding that it's OK for one partner to sort-of-initiate sex while the other is asleep as long as 'no' is taken as 'no'. And the way JC describes it (she leaves her nightie off when it's likely to happen, it sounds quite affectionate) I imagine she's OK with it.
But if you're not happy JC, tell him 'not tonight'. BTW, what does he do sexually specifically to please you?

christ the night

doesn't bother you
as long as he doesn't expect any kind of co operation

so what exactly do you gain from the experience?

I'll sleep naked for him..?

Wakes you just as he's going in..?

This is a country mile away from what I would describe as an enjoyable sexual relationship imo anyway

juicy are you serious?

If I'm a bit dry then I'll sort that out for him...wtf?

hides thread

There's an old saying from up north- it's " Don't wake me up, just pull me nighty down when you are finished."

It is supposed to be a joke- didn't realise people actually behave like that!

I honestly can't see how it is physically possible- you say if you are dry you help him out- meaning? Lube? Some foreplay?

Why does he want to have sex with an unresponsive, sleeping partner? I suppose it is very hard for you to understand how we all seem to think. I suppose if I have sex, I want to get something out of it myself,, particpate equally, and not be the equivalent of a blow-up doll!!!!
But, each to their own...if you are happy.

My DP does this occasionally, but I don't like it and I always say no and he stops. He might well get grumpy about it but sorry, I'm not having sex when I don't really want to. I've been there done that and I realised I'm worth more and that I don't "owe" any man anything, it is perfectly reasonable to say no no matter how long it's been since we last had sex, and it's not my fault he's horny! (Even if it is but that's just me being mean on occasion!)

It's very very bizarre behaviour from both of you. You don't owe him sex you know. At the end of my pregnancy I often had sex with DH spoonsways and wasn't particularly bothered about coming myself, so I get the 'letting him get on with it' thing, but I was always awake and consenting. DH would never try to 'stick it in' while I was asleep. very weird. What is in it for you? Do you just do it to keep him quiet?