Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

[StercusAccidit]

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

diz - I know what you're saying and that SA needs support, but if she is having contact with this man agian, then she is placing her tiny son at risk and that aint on.
There is no excuse whatsoever for how this man behaves, but simislarly there is no excuse whatsoever for allowing him back in to her life. I have been in this situation so many times over the years with clients that I often just want to run away screaming.

"but if she is having contact with this man agian, then she is placing her tiny son at risk and that aint on."

Agreed. But if she's in that situation without any support it's not going to be any better is it? Just more isolated. My mum spent years in an abusive relationship with no support and no friends. It didn't make her see sense, it just prolonged and intesified the agony.

soemtimes the only way to get thru to an abisvie man is NO CONTACT.

it is hard, i am doing this...he now has supervised contact with the children. I dont have to see him.

please listen and go "no contact". let the social workers liaise and arrange contact with his son, supervised, if he requests that contact..

abusive not abisvie

c'est la vie - it is not sometimes the way, it is always the way.
A man who threatens to bounce a baby of the wall, then chases after his mother and kicks her in the head is a danger to that child. Pure and simple.
Any contact whwether it be thru texts, FB, phone calls etc is evidence that that danger is not being taken seriously.
BTW - c'est, keep your chin up and keep on, keeping on.

Diz - I do understand what you're saying, but after many many years giving women support, I think it is sometimes better to be stark in your advice.
It is very harsh to say someone's behaviour is inexcusable and unaceptable, but at least it might stop them in thir tracks. Offering continued support almost facilitates the behaviour.
In SAs position, if she continues to allow this man access to her DS and herself, SS may well remove him. She knows that. I will support her with my last breath while she keeps him away but can't see what good supprt will do if she alows him back.

I suppose it might make her feel better, but while a child is at risk, her feelings come second, if I'm honset.

"Offering continued support almost facilitates the behaviour."

I see what you're saying, and do understand your concerns, but I'm not offering to support her to continue the relationship. I will, at every opportunity, exhort her to cut ties, contact and to press for prosecution of this abusive asswipe. Check out my posts on the emotional abuse thread if you don't believe me, it's how I spend most of my time on MN.

I just wont refuse to support her online if she's succumbed to the abusive brainwashing once more. It's so hard for people in these situations to extricate themselves I don't think isolating them helps any. Not in my experience.

I also have long years of firsthand experience of dealing with this shit. As a child I and my entire family was and is still horribly damaged by my mother continuing in an abusive relationship. I see through the behaviours and justifications of abusers and abusees, and I will not facillitate any abusive relationships. I'm well aware of the dynamics.

I am concerned that she is not back to her thread.

I hope she is ok.

I am worried sick about the fact SA has witnessed child abuse against this man's own dc and has not reported it (to my knowledge from this thread)

So it seems SA is not in a position to protect dc from child abuse under her own nose, let alone her own poor baby.

The instinct for self preservation isn't there. So all dc will be vulnerable in her care.

SA had all the right intentions so I can't give up hope just yet. Unless she's already dead.

OMG please prove me wrong.

I think you're being a bit overdramatic there kidowner. It's very unlikely that she's dead.

If I'm not mistaken, SA is aware of emotional abuse and overly needy parenting of his other children. And I think she has brought this up with social services.

Stercus, I have faith in you - just come back to your thread when you can and fgs at least tell us you have blocked him on facebook though. You haven't got a cat's chance of a restraining order without doing that, and you need one...he tried to kill you ffs. I hope to god he has been arrested.

Think of it like this Stercus, if a movie were to be made of your life, how would you want it to end?

If your daughter were in your shoes in 10yrs time, what would you be willing her to do?

I dont think we need hysteria. I think Stercus has taken many good steps, the facebook may be the last hurdle. I would like to see you back on your thread Stercus, for an update. You have been very brave.

Yes, come back and tell us you're okay. We're only 'telling you off' because we are worried about you.

i'm sure we are all very concerned for her.... i am even more concerned for her dc. let us know how you are sa?

No hysteria.

Just attempted murder and child abuse.

Of course Litchik is right, the statistics mirror what she says.

I just worry for the poor dc who even if they are taken into care are unlikely to benefit from it.

What a mess.

If abused women are unable to protect their dc then the documentary last night about dc in care would seem right.

Put dc's rights first before those of the parents.

But who are we to judge? Maybe SA's reality is all she knows and us looking in, horrified and upset for her and her dc is not helping?

The MN advice was loud and clear. But she knows best, she'll do what she thinks is best. Her best may be different from mine.

If I thought my dc had been subject to ANY form of threat, let alone abuse, or even me for that matter, I would have enough instinct to protect myself and them properly.

But then abuse is not and never has been my reality.

All I can do is hope she hasn't sustained some brain injury. And hope, those dc are safe from harm.

err, she said it was all over before and that she had ended it as she could see that she was putting her baby at risk, emotionally and physically...... YET just before this violent and shocking assault he was in her bed. if she had really meant or been able to stick with her decision she wouldnt have been assaulted and her baby put in such danger, because he wouldnt have had the chance.

i really like what i know of you on here sa but i am scared for you. you dont seem able to protect yourself from harm and seem to think these awful relationships are normal and to be expected. i think you need professional help to see thing differently maybe. perhaps it is too hard a task for anyone on their own?

when you first posted on here you were full of anger and distress about your experiences of social services and adamant that your life was different now and that you had learnt some hard lessons from past experiences... i'd like to think that is true.

please let us know how you are?

maybe she's moved out for a bit,to a refuge maybe? they don't all have internet access,and in any case, i doubt mumsnet is first on her massive list of things to do!!! get a grip kidowner....have been there myself,abused women are not STUPID you know!!!

do you think the 4 women a week who are killed by their partners / exes are "stupid" or just unlucky??

Freaky, I didn't see the bit where Stercus said he was in her bed? Did I miss that? Anyway, I just hope she's somewhere safe and keeps strong

i'd say its the men killing these women who are "stupid".......

Stupid????????????????????????????????????

OMG

I don't think women who perpetually go back to abusive partners are stupid. Different yes.

Anyway I have faith in her because not to would be too awful for words, especially as there are innocent dc involved.