Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

[StercusAccidit]

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

Sorry Stercus, but they are right about DD. In their eyes you have shown yourself to not be consistently able to stay away from a violent man, so if she has a safe place to stay then they will want her to stay there. You may know that this is definitely the end but how are they to know that?

You must de friend him on FB and block his emails. If you apply for any form of injunction or push ahead with legal action of any sort a lawyer will pick up on the fact you still choose to maintain contact with him and you will not be taken seriously. The man battered you in front of your child and threatened your child. Take him off your FB friends immediately.

Ok they have clarified it now. DS case is back open in case he turns up or i take him back.
Same for the o/n contact with DD.

Totally understandable and i have been open with them about everything, being dumped in gloucester, the fireplace thing, being left twice at shopping centre, everything.

They first asked about if i would be happy to supervise contact (makes things easier as DS is BF) but once i had finished, they agreed that he obv 'has anger ishooos' so they will supervise contact.

I'm ok, i understand completely why they have to do everything they are doing but it has made me so angry at him.
The sw said about the last time she came and the way he was with DS, commenting on how proud he was and attentive ect, i suppose a lot now is down to the referral they made while they were here on DSC's, and what DSC's say.

Fingers x'd.
I personally will be going for a no contact order if they say the case is closed or if at any time the contact looks like its going to be unsupervised (which is looking extremely unlikely)

I hate him

Sorry to harp on but you're clearly on the internet so get onto FB and delete and block him.

Go to your list of friends, next to his name there will be an X, if you click it you can remove him. He won't be informed, he won't know until he tries to look at your page and it's not there. Then go to Settings (in the top right) and click on 'privacy settings'. It comes up with a box to search for the person you want to block. Go do it. Now.

how do you hope to achieve a non order?

i've researched this myself as i'd like one for my ex. he did similiar to your ex,i have 4 dc with him,and he has done some ridiculous things with them when he has had contact. he stole,then showed our dc how to do it!! not enough seats in the car,so put one in the boot for a journey....it gets worse,threatened his sd with a knife....all the time abusing their mother,driving illegally etc.

he now has to have a psychologiCal evaluation for court and cafcass. he's had 9 lots of counselling/anger management/dom violence programme. yet once his supervised access is complete (he will get this no matter what) it will prob move on to unsupervised,regardless of his past!! it seems that judges give contact even where violence has been an issue.

i so hope you manage to get that no order. but so many don't.

I'll apply for it myself

He has attempted suicide in the past so i could go for that really, stating i am worried he will harm himself and DS, but tbh thats only a worst case scenario, i would rather DS had contact but safely

stercus......snap! my ex has tried the suicide thing several times. i had hi sectioned over the phone once when i'd left him in our old marital home on barracks whilst i was in a hostel. he had redcaps,civvy police and welfare officers trying to talk him out of the house. his new partner had same thing. have told cafcass that he would take them with him if he felt all is lost

luckily kids are older now,and 2 are refusing to see him anyway. good luck with it. and insist on a psychological asessment. before anything.

Please block him on FB, for everyone's sake (meaning your family ... not everyone here )

Will you let us know when you have done this? We will breathe easier

SA he's trying to drag you back into contact. With the intincts of an abuser he knows that you're vulnerable right now, and if he doesn't get to you now with his piteous whimpers soon the fog he has clouded your judgement with will start to lift. Then he's really fucked. And he knows it. Don't let him worm his way back into your head.

You need to block his FB now.

Another nag from me - please de-friend him on FB. I did this with my ex - you just dont need the grief.

By TrillianAstra on Mon 11-May-09 14:54:37
Sorry Stercus, but they are right about DD. In their eyes you have shown yourself to not be consistently able to stay away from a violent man, so if she has a safe place to stay then they will want her to stay there.

Stercus, I echo Trillian. Prove that you CAN stay away from him, and that you are DETERMINED to not have contact.

You did not get to see your dd due to your relationship with this fuckwit taking a nasty turn. Get him out of your head.

"Get him out of your head" I agree, and off your facebook dammit.

Cut off all contact. DS is too young to ever remember if he had contact at this age or not, and IMO your ex should not be allowed to see him anyway until he proves he is safe and responsible enough to do so. Let the only contact you have with him be via the people organising the 'supervised contact' if he is entitled to that. Nothing else. Nothing.

Well?

For fuck's sake woman (and yes I do have to spell it out, it feels better than an acronym) what do you think you have to gain by leaving him on there? And think what you could lose. Block him now.

why would you want him to be a friend on facebook?

Is he a friend?

Or is there an element of "keeping your enemies close"?
Are you worried about repercussions from him if you DO take him off?

By LewisFan on Mon 11-May-09 00:09:15
"Don't contact him again please - it'll really really not go down well in court"

At best your only excuse is that you've had a blow to the head and couldn't think straight.

"Yes, there will be photo's on here so you can just cut and paste them. Yours sincerely, my name*"

I'll be blunt SA: you're falling back into prioritising his needs over yours and your DD's.
Please cease ALL contact with him - both direct and indirect - immediately. NO exceptions.

You need to focus on keeping yourself and your baby safe.

Strategically, you need to be seen to focus on getting this man out of your life, and NO CONTACT, with access to seeing your dd in mind. But also so as not to have the same situation repeat with your ds.

You need to be strong. You need to keep a level head. You need to think what is best for YOU and your children long term.

Right now it might seem a good idea to keep him as a friend on facebook, and to see to his needs and to his childs needs, but you are losing sight of one crucial fact: THIS MAN IS ABUSIVE. CONTACT WITH THIS MAN IS NOT IN YOUR CHILDS INTEREST. Be it on facebook or by text. And as Lewis says, and I am sure you know that she knows what she is talking about: It will not go down well in court.

So do this now. For your ds, your dd, and yourself.

How are you today Stercus?

The tone of the thread has really changed and I can almost feel you softening towards him. I really hope I'm wrong.

Re-read your OP, what he did to you and your son is disgusting, he doesn't deserve your time or your sympathy. What he needs is prison, he's a danger to society.

Think of the advice you would give to others in your situation. You are obviously a really smart woman so please use your head.

I'm local to you so if there is anything you need you have my email.

You still haven't given up on him have you?

It's there in your posts.

Please for the love of god think of your tiny baby Stercus, if you can't think of yourself with any objectivity. Your kids will end up being removed from you if you can't keep them safe - if you allow him back in now he'll end up killing you or the baby.

Stercus, look.

What will it take?

A death?

Or for ss to come and remove your baby?

Have just been reading about violent men, including quite a detailed discussion of the 'it's not my fault, I had a bad childhood' excuse (bollocks, men have 100% free will), next step for him is to do it again, but worse. Don't let it be you.

Stercus - as a child care lawyer I've been lurking on a lot of your threads and I was worrying that you very much fit into the pattern of many abused women who are not able to protect themselves and their children from violent men.
Prove me wrong, dammit.
Tell me you've defreinded him on FB. Tell me you've had no contact with this fool.
Tell me you've been to see a solicitor to get an order keeping him away ( you know full well the bail conditions won't last forever).
There is not one iota of an excuse for not doing any of this stuff. Keeping any form of contcat going with someone who has kicked you in the head and threatened to bounce your DS off the wall is unacceptable. Even allowig the possiblility is unacceptable.
Please, SS ahve to be fully convinced that you can protect DS. Show them you can.

drops head into hands in despair

Oh, well. We tried.

SA, we're all still here for you. Doesn't matter if you're talking to him again, or even living with him again, we'll still be here for you when you need us. Or at least, I know I will.

wanders off to listen to The Sunset Tree