Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

295 replies

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 04:51

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

OP posts:
madameovary · 09/05/2009 09:18

Stercus, good to hear from you. Please take up the offer from the police to escort him to get his stuff - will give him one less excuse to get in touch.

Dont engage with him, as the police said, I know you are furious hurt and angry but he doesnt care, he will never understand what he's done or the consequences of it, these men are sociopaths, so its pointless.

Vent on here all you need to. The quicker he is out of your life the better.

Keep reading what you've written. I know it feels like it happened to someone else, but it didnt, it happened to YOU

NotPlayingAnyMore · 09/05/2009 09:18

So sorry to hear this.

I must admit that - having seen some your posts recently - they did make me wonder whether he'd been softening you up for something like this since you last put your foot down with him, though I didn't feel as if I knew you well enough to say, nor wanted to rock the boat if things were genuinely going well...

But GOOD ON YOU for not only getting rid but also pressing charges. You know that you and DCs can still draw a line under this and be happy once and for all.

Take care Stercus x x x

citronella · 09/05/2009 09:22

Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful.

You sound pretty strong and you are doing the right thing not to let the matter drop.

Keep strong and keep safe.

How old are his kids?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 09/05/2009 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BunnyAndJoon · 09/05/2009 09:33

Gawd - I wish I were closer. I would invite meself over and make a mess help out.

Well done for agreeing to press charges.

Take care of yourself.

At least you can have no doubt about him now.

hereidrawtheline · 09/05/2009 09:36

I havent seen your previous posts but I just have to say - I am so shocked and so sorry for what you have been through. I hope you can move on and find a happier life very soon. Do not let him slide at all punishment/police wise he needs to be punished to the full letter of the law. That is barbaric behaviour.

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2009 09:36

what you described was so chillingly familiar. horrible. did you hang onto the phone? or did he take it? and keys? where are those?

you can contact womens aid for help and advice. they can help in many ways.

do you think he will persist in trying to contact you? and with regards your child,will he persue for any contact? probably not the right time for me to say this,but my ex was a violent prat too,in front of my kids also. the law says its violence to the woman,not the kids,so contact will be given!!!! supervised maybe,but lets hope he doesn't persue it. in case he does,its good you plan to go all the way with prosecution. take care.

Yurtgirl · 09/05/2009 09:46

Stercus

How awful
I have no idea what to say or how to help except to say get this man totally out of you life - and stay away from men for several years. At least until you can be sure of choosing a goodun

Well done for getting straight out of there, even at sillyoclock at night. I hope you are safe now [hopeful]

foxytocin · 09/05/2009 09:47

oh hell. i am so sorry to read all this. you have every right to press charges and for what he said to your DS. make no mistake about it. saying something like that to a child eventually leads to its fulfillment. it may be months or years, but it does. get him out forever, the sooner the better.

Tinker · 09/05/2009 09:54

How horrible for you all. Just a thought - you still have a profile. I'm not sure whether or not you may want to remove it? Just to be safer posting here?

foxytocin · 09/05/2009 10:02

do you know what, if i let dh read your OP, he'd probably offer to fill in fuckface for you.

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 10:23

Thx

No, i am pain i can't even pick DS up without crying, my shoulder feels terrible and i have a ...bald patch sorry got to be kind of humerous or i'd cry.

Right, when i knew it was kicking off i went downstairs and took his car keys which had the house keys on...he'd only got a COPY..tosser, i thought i'd had the keys back! He was pissed when he checked the keys later on to find two of them missing lol.

I worry about my statement last night because i don't know whether i was coming or going, and it all happened so qickly.."What happened when" ......"How should i know i was on the floor fgs"

When they asked what i wanted to do, without hesitation i replied PRESS CHARGES..who does he think he is kicking me on the floor over a phone bloody hell, and i couldn't give it to him anyway, it was in my pocket, even if i had wanted to. No, i still have it and have text all the OW to tell them whats going on and to ask which one wants him and his 2 minute shags

Am just angry now not feeling stupid any more, he was very convincing..so he must have t'interwebbed like mad to find out the right things to say to me IMO. How can i feel stupid for wanting things to be ok?
So now i feel angry because he did this in front of DS, because he drove round to where he had left me, probably to ogle, i don't know. Posting it on here is keeping me angry tbh and thats good at the moment cos i can't start slipping.. I am angry we have split but i still show him kindness and compassion, and have him and his kids here, god he took advantage well and truly. I even gave him the money i made from flogging the ebay stuff and he never spent a PENNY on the kids like he said he would

Is my birthday in 2 weeks, this is the best present i could have asked for imo, a bloody good excuse to finally fuck him off, a hard lesson to learn but worth it.

Thanks to you all for being so supportive.

OP posts:
foxytocin · 09/05/2009 10:36

if you are breastfeeding, do you know how to bf lying down? it would help a lot over the weekend to help you get some rest. I am sure ds1 would be able to make sandwiches for himself etc for the weekend. Or, Do you have anyone he could stay with this weekend tho he may want to stay close to you because he'll be worried for you and feeling insecure himself.

BitOfFun · 09/05/2009 10:46

You poor darling- I'm so proud of you for fucking the bastard off though >

Supercherry · 09/05/2009 10:51

Have you managed to get a lift to see your daughter Stercus?

If not, I live near you and could give you a lift there, but would have to be within next half hr as am going out.

If you want it email me with your address to raynorlouise at aol dot com. I will check email at 11.10 before I go out.

I am perfectly normal and not a stalker and will have my little boy and partner with me.

LoveMyGirls · 09/05/2009 10:52

Make sure you take pictures of your injuries if you haven't already.

So sorry this has happened to you but good for you for getting out now and pressing chrages.

tribpot · 09/05/2009 10:56

You poor thing. Did the hospital scan you? I'm worried that you've had a number of blows to the head that should be followed up on. For that reason among others I don't think you should be alone this weekend if someone can come to you or you go elsewhere?

Presumably the police will arrange for someone from Victims Support to come around but can you phone Women's Aid this weekend for some advice?

debs05 · 09/05/2009 10:57

What disgusting behaviour, I took a deep breath reading the first post, I felt sick for you. Dont contact the other women, they are welcome to him. Keep yourself safe, he will be shitting himself today and rightly so. The police can press charges on your behalf even if you dont, if they dont want to let it drop (this was something I was unaware of).

Doodle2U · 09/05/2009 11:03

StercusAccidit, you are brilliant. I am furious on your behalf but you have more balls than a ball manufacturing plant.

StayFrosty · 09/05/2009 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tidey · 09/05/2009 11:06

I don't know what to say. What an awful, terrible thing to have happened. Well done for not putting up with this behaviour. You must do whatever it takes to keep you and your son safe. I hope he gets the punishment he deserves.

junglist1 · 09/05/2009 11:37

What a fucking bastard. I hope he gets his head kicked in by someone twice his size, by a real fucking man who'd never dream of threatening a child. This is what woman beaters deserve.
I'm glad you're pressing charges on the prick, you keep strong girl. And don't contact the other women, he's their problem now!

swineoclock · 09/05/2009 11:50

SA, am stunned that he could do this to you and in front of your child. He should be locked up. Please keep posting, many people are here for you and are concerned.

morningpaper · 09/05/2009 11:57

Stercus, you poor old thing

But you are BRAVE to recognise this man for what he is and for walking away. Your baby won't remember or understand what he saw - he WILL remember being brought up by a strong and loving mummy who is there to protect him from this sort of thing. That's all he will know, not this horrible thing.

I hope you feel better soon and get some support.

xxx

saintmaybe · 09/05/2009 12:01

Stercus, we've never 'spoken' but i feel like I know you. I am so, so sorry that this has happened.

Swipe left for the next trending thread