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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

295 replies

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 04:51

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

OP posts:
StripeyOss · 13/05/2009 00:23

Having discovered i only live 30mins from SA, i had an interesting conversation with DH, probably entirely coincidental, but one can dream right?

Apparently armed police turned up and arrested a guy on site at work today.

I know the chances of it being SAs arsehole DP, but i'm secretly wishing it was!

BitOfFun · 13/05/2009 00:31

Fingers crossed!

nappyaddict · 13/05/2009 01:10

Not read all the thread but so for you SA

I am very near you so if you want to meet up either to talk or just to keep your mind off stuff don't hesitate to ask. Or even if you just want practical help - someone to help out with the kids and housework or to cook dinner or something?

Hope you got to see DD. Where's DS1? Is he OK in all of this?

I hope you don't mind me asking but why do you think you keep getting involved with violent men? I remember you saying on another thread DD's dad and DS1's dad were violent too. Also if SS took DD into care why not DS1? Is there no chance of you getting DD back now you can show you're out of a violent relationship and working towards being a better Mum? Hope you don't mind me asking but I don't know how these things work.

Supercherry · 13/05/2009 07:06

Maybe we could arrange a local meet up, bit of a morale boost for SA?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 13/05/2009 07:15

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pottycock · 13/05/2009 07:21

I sincerely hope Stercus and the dc are okay in that case.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 13/05/2009 07:23

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pottycock · 13/05/2009 08:09

Is nobody in touch with her offline?

BunnyAndJoon · 13/05/2009 08:11

Stercus - I hope you are OK

FabulousBakerGirl · 13/05/2009 08:15

I was hit by two men. I still cared for them to a degree, I just didn't like what they had done so I can understand the mixed feelings that SA may have.(have had)

Can MNHQ just contact her to ask her if she is okay?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 13/05/2009 08:16

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QuintessentialShadows · 13/05/2009 08:47

How many days has it been since anybody has hear from Stercus?

Stercus, if you are still reading your thread, but dont feel up for posting, please reply to Reality's email so we can be reassured you are ok. You can see that a lot of people care for you and your wellbeing, and the wellbeing of your children here.

TrillianAstra · 13/05/2009 08:54

She last posted Monday afternoon.

StripeyOss · 13/05/2009 09:47

dammit, no, different name, oh well.

SA love, please let us know you and your DC's are ok!!

AitchTwoOh · 13/05/2009 10:12

hey stercus, just read this terrible thread. your emotions must be all over the place, you poor thing. i really do think that you need proper real-life help though, there's so much to process and it's clear that you're just starting on that journey now. i hope you're okay.

theDreadPirateRoberts · 13/05/2009 16:07

Another one hoping that Stercus is OK...

whoisasking · 13/05/2009 18:42

Sorry to push this back up to the top again, but SA - I answered you early on in the thread and wanted to just add my voices to the others here who are worrying about you and hoping you'll drop by and just put our minds at rest.

(as a small aside, I would just like to say that I am finding the tone of some of these threads disturbing. I truly believe that MN is a place where we can come and talk about our deepest, darkest troubles without fear of censure. I watched the HW thread with dismay and can only hope that SA has not been frightened off in a similar manner. Hysterical posting helps no one)

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/05/2009 18:45

and who do you think has been hysterical??

melodramatic posting about hysteria helps no one either.

whoisasking · 13/05/2009 19:48

Erm, I'd say that speculating whether a poster is alive or dead is fairly hysterical Controlfreaky.

Don't accuse me of melodrama thanks.

There appears to be some kind of freaking WAR going on at the moment, which I am neither involved in, or interested in, to be frank. The problem is that people - who might be helped out of abusive circumstances - are being harangued by posters, to such an extent that they leave MN all together and are denied the supportive background which might ease their pain, and enable their departure from violent situations.

Anyway. I have no desire to keep on shoving this issue back to the top, and once again urge SA to just get in touch.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/05/2009 19:52

err, well why are you speculating about what sa may (or may not) be thinking / doing when presumably you have no knowledge about that then??

theDreadPirateRoberts · 13/05/2009 20:23

Well whoisasking - I'm posting as someone who's talked to SA on other threads, and is concerned about her as she's a lovely person and I'm hoping that she's sorting things out.

Is that haranguing?

TrillianAstra · 13/05/2009 21:43

No news yet I see.

BunnyAndJoon · 13/05/2009 22:33
pottycock · 14/05/2009 07:23

bump.

stercus hope you are off sorting everything out and making a proper break from this guy, all fingers and toes crossed for you pet

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 14/05/2009 07:50

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