Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

[StercusAccidit]

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

Oh SA

What a fucking awful situation for you to have suffered. Well done for reporting him and kicking him out. You are so brave and so strong.

He is a piece of shit asshole cuntface and I hope he gets put in fucking prison

You don't have to do this alone, you really need some support right now. MN is a great place for that and don't be afraid to contact those who've invited it. I know Madame Ovary has been through this before and is a wonderfully supportive person on other threads.

But quite apart from MN you need living bodies next to you, supporting you emotionally and physically. Speak to your family and close friends, get them to rally 'round. I bet you're worried about what they'll think of you, but I promise you the only thing they'll be thinking about is bloody revenge on your asshole partner!

Fuck his family, they are not your problem anymore. Don't answer any calls from anyone who wont be 100% behind you.

As for his phone... keep it. Take down all the no's and copy all the relevant texts then hand it in to the cops as evidence of what happened that night.

MintyAeroEgg I have reported your post, what you said was absolutely unacceptable and ought to be deleted. I strongly urge others to lodge complaints.

I typed a comment to MEA but deleted it as thought no point if she hides the thread.

Maybe she has a point about posting on here incase he sees it but the rest is just unacceptable.

What a nob. So glad you're OK and out of it now. You're such a sensible person, and your ability to dredge humour out of the situation is fabulous.

Can't wait 'til he's got what he deserves.

Minty - what you said really shocked me, if you cared then why not just say this bit?

"Is there not a Mumsnetter amongst this lot who offer you limitless virtual support living close enough to come and sit with you and talk to you and help you make plans? Or at least email privately or in a small group?"

And why hide thread unless you are just causing trouble?

Stercus I echo what other posters have said and am so glad you are out of this man's life. I am so glad you are pressing charges, not only for you but for your children. They and especially your son need to know this is not acceptable.

If there is anything good about Minty's post it is that I hope you can get some RL support. Where in country are you? I am in South East.

Stay strong, [gentle hugs]

I know a great Solicitors in Willenhall if you need it.

Hope all ok and you feeling a little bit less sore now

Wishing you lots of luck Stercus.. have had similar here , years ago its horrible and you feel awful. You will one day find a kind man like i have who treats you far better and you will feel safe. God Bless to you and your kids. xx

Hope you are OK SA. It is a few hours since you posted (not that I am suggesting you should spend all day on here, honest ) just want to know you are OK.

Hi
I have to start by replying to MAE post because, i agree, in some respects she is right, plus i respect everyone's input and opinions.

So,
I didn't just give him the phone because i tried to get it out of my pocket as he ran towards me, next thing you know i'm on the floor..ect ect..then he ran off. Where in there could i say "Excuse me dave, do you mind awfully stopping kicking my head like a football and i will give you your phone back.

lus, there was a SMALL part of me that wanted to keep the phone to show people who didn't believe me, the messages, cos he has a habit of getting there first and making me look a right nutjob.
With the phone i had proof.

I DID tell him the police were on their way but couldn't go back in the house as he was in it.

I text one in particular of the OW because i know her and i know no matter what she would tell the truth, i have had her reply and she obv says it was just silly laugh and joke kind of thing and she was sorry, I replied i'm sorry too and i'm not laughing, i just hope HE thinks it was worth losing his family (or chance of)

I posted on here for a few reasons, not least of which i was in shock.
I don't have many friends in this area and lost touch with a lot of the others when i was forced to move house and area due to DD not being safe from her abuser.
Erm , yes, in a way i do like the attention that i can not lie about, i also appreciate the support and the kindness shown to me and others.
The people on here are like the RL friends i would love to have but don't. I didn't have much chance to make friends here as i have always worked, so by the time i get home, i don't have much chance for socialising. I know a few people, thats about it. I feel seperated from my old friends and my family as they are still in my old area.

and there are lots of MN'ers i chat to off forum but IMO this post, may help someone else as well, i sort of know what you mean about baring my soul ect, but i find it has been a lot easier to stick to my guns about things i would normally let go, because i have so many people who know, and are keeping me up, IYKWIM?
I kow i am more likely to see this through if i'm gonna get my arse kicked virtually by these lovely peeps if i have him back!!

Right,
Everyone else, a MASSIVE ty. My dsis has been over here all day helping me do the housework and looking after DS, bless her, she was here like a shot.
The hospital were not happy about discharging me with poss head injuries but i'm afraid i insisted i felt quite well, i just wanted to go home
I have to go to the doctors on monday to raise the issue of the noseblees i have had and also the fact i still can't move my arm or put any weight on it.

Bastard blindsided me because i totally wasn't expecting to be hit by him, so went down like a v v v shocked sack of spuds..at least when you know its coming you can try to defend yourself, i didn't have this chance, so got a bit more battered than if i had expected to be assaulted.

What kind of man kicks the mother of his nb babys head while she is on the floor fgs, i am still so bloody angry, the adrenaline has worn off now and i feel rather sad tbh. Don't know why.

But i REALLY from the bottom of my heart thank you all for your support and would just like to say i am chilling out @ home and its brilliant.

Thanks xx

Oops..yes. Forgot to add i don't CARE if he reads this, he knows my chat name.

If he or his family/friends do, i hope they take what i've said on board, and if HE reads it, how did it feel kicking a defenceless person while they were on the floor and therefore NO threat to you?

You should be really proud of yourself. Bullying women and kids.

Have you got adequate locks on your doors?

Really concerned he might come round.

you are feeling sad because you are grieving for what you hoped you could have had as a family. grieving for the loss of trust in this man. grieving for the time and energy you have invested in him. it is ok to grieve for those things. it is part of the journey to a new beginning.

"What kind of man kicks the mother of his nb baby's head while she is on the floor fgs"

stercus the kind of man who will, in a week or so, come weeping bitter tears of how he can't believe what he did, he hates himself, he doesn't deserve you, he is soooo shocked by his own behaviour - this is a wake up call, will NEVER NEVER do it again, will get counselling, do the anger management thing, will do anything if you will just stick by him, be the one to save him from himself. He will change nappies and make tea and not drink and not shout. For a while...

I know you know this, you are a clever woman and I sound patronising. But you have been so forgiving to him you will be tempted to forgive him or believe that he has learned his lesson or feel too tired to hate him in a few weeks time.

Thanks FT.. FBG, yes, i have, when i found out he had cheated when i was 8m pg in november last year (found out then, but he had cheated in august and september to my knowledge, maybe more times) and i chucked him out, he tried to kick the door in and it held so it should be ok.
The police have said they will make it a priority call but TBH, i think he knows he has fucked it well and truly this time.

I am more afraid of when i go out to be fair, if he turns up and sees me, but i suppose i am just on edge. As far as i know they haven't arrested him yet but have asked for info of where he works as he was working today, the other police on the first shift said he may not be arrested today as he was working and they couldn't contact him, whereas the the ones who have just taken over said they were going to. Fingers x'd

And he'll be kept in until he has to attend court if he does, and they are hoping to get a restraining order granted, apparently he has form for being violent (in possession of a firearm ) so they are making it a priority in case he gets his paws on another one i guess and comes looking for me.

I'd like to say thats laughable but after last night i am not laughing

Oh SA glad you are 'okay' (you know what I mean I hope, could have been much worse).

If police haven't already offered you should ask to have your home secured, window locks etc, they will do it all. Glad your sis is with you.

Why havent they arrested him yet When my XH attacked me, and less violence than involved here, the police were out looking for him straight away and had him locked up within a few hours!!!
Get on the phone and find out whats going on!!

Second the staying somewhere else Stercus. I have lurked on a few of your threads and this one really takes the biscuit.

Can you stay with anybody? It will probs be a comfort just to know somebody else is there to talk to if you need it but the thought of you in that house while he is out and about freaks me out.

MacD.. they did, i have to say i can not fault the police one bit, they took me to the hospital and WAITED while i was seen and dropped us home, (me and ds)
I couldn't stay at dsis' .. totally no room with the tons of kids lol, plus i wanted to be in my own home if that makes any sense..There is nowhere else.

They (police) have kept me up to date with every development ect, its just i could not provide an address to his new work and i have his phone so they will have to try sil's house. I have had a call from them with every shift change to keep me informed and ask me for identifying marks tattoo's ect.

FWIW yes i suppose i have been too forgiving but this has wiped the floor with me, like i am going to have him in my home making me a cuppa and crying ... i hope i never see him again tbh.
Apparently he was at work today bragging about being chased by the police and very pissed off, i informed his 'friend' who called of the true story and said he was probably pissed off because he hadn't got more kicks in. That shut them up. Unfortunately cos of the police can not take the phone off the hook so i have to put up with it, but to be fair he had obviously filled this person with shit.

Oh to have the bed and the house to me and DS and NOT have to worry about him turning up out of the blue asking me if he can visit and ending up staying which i found very hard to refuse as i was trying my very best to be amicable, which is why i am feeling a right cock now

Oh well no lesson is learnt like a hard one eh.

You haven't been a cock when there's a history of abuse I think we all try not to rock the boat. This is understandable. I would call him a cock, but only men have cocks, not woman beaters (limpy, maybe?)

He has..its on his forehead

Wish i could be a fly on the wall when he does get arrested cos he does act all brave but a little bird told me he was in jail once and crowed about it being 'easy' but once on his own, cried like a baby.

He's ok putting a brave face on or acting like he's not bothered.

I really hope he suffers enough to make him stop doing what he does and behaving how he does...especially towards his kids. DS is ok, i would walk over broken glass for him, but the other two don't have that in their mother (loosely used term again)

Well, i will keep you all posted ... thanks for your support and kindness x

Oh my love, I am so glad your sister is there for you - I actually cried after reading your post this morning and was having daydreams all day about hiring a car and hotfooting down to yours to help you with your gorgeous baby < broody > and man the door with a baseball bat... I hope you're ok tonight pet x x x

I have lurked for many a long month. I am honestly crying for you SA.

The pain of the relationship threads has been something that I have avoided. I've had my pain, but I pop onto these threads now and again, and I try to help. Your OP has completely thrown me. Your strength and determination is to be admired.

Stercus I was married to a compuslive liar/emotional abuse/cheater. I gave him 2 beautiful boys. We split up, in many of the same circumstances as you, and we were easing back into a relationship.

He beat the shit out of me on Valentines day. He dragged me down the street by my hair. I don't want to go any further, but that was the least of it. I went back to my parents' house covered in blood.

Anyway. I wanted my small insignificant voice to be added to the rest of these posts. I want you to know that I am amazed by your strength, and inspired by you.

whoisasking thank you flower that must have been very hard to write, i know it took a long time after my DS1's dad and i split to be able to talk about what happened without having flashbacks of what i was explaining, and many years of counselling.

I just can't bring myself to accept what he's done at the moment, the cold anger has worn off, a little, i had to let it go because i have a baby that needs me calm not wound up. My dsis was the only RL person who said 'are you ok, do you need any help' rather than just asking for gossip. Not one of his family phoned me yesterday to ask how me and DS were
Maybe its because they didn't know.

Is it just me? Or do these men seem to ruin every special day for you.....i was beaten with extra venom by xxp on days such as birthdays, valentines day, ect, he robbed me of everything, and special memories i could have had were taken away and stamped on right in front of me.
I'm sure thats why they do it, they take the things you could possibly be happy about. xxp used to get DS1 to hit me when he was tiny.."Go on, hit mummy, she's been naughty" It affected how i feel about DS1 and how i have brought him up, to the point of overbearingly making sure he doesn't turn into a wanker, i have turned him into a right sensitive softie (he's a big lad therefore imo very frightening if he turns) he does have a temper as we all do i suppose..however, being a big softie he now gets bullied at school and i wonder if i did the wrong thing

BOF.. @ you manning the door with a baseball bat lol. Well i can't be too angry at the end of the day because look what he's lost. I am the one waking up to a beautiful baby smiling at me, and i'll be there for his first EVERYTHING
HE has 1 kid he doesn't see at all who hates his guts, two who watch his every move and facial expression and feel they are only worth something to him if they meet HIS needs for cuddles and love ect, if they are off playing i have seen him in a sulk, then they have come in and tried to cuddle him and he's pushed them away "No, you didn't want to know me when i came in, so now i don't want to know you" How shocking.

He's been cheated on and left for OM in every relationship he's ever been in, i am not like that at all, i loved him with everything i had even when i didn't like him very much.
He's lost that too.

I feel sorry for him in a way ...... but not too sorry He's brought this on himself, he ruins everything he touches.
Sad shit, i know for a fact he will be a lonely, grumpy, miserable old man and his kids will grow up, see him for what he is, and hate him.

Stercus - can just give you a bouguet of flowers [ hands Stercus mahoosive bouquet] for texting all the OW and asking "who wants him with his two minute shags".

Not naughty at all - just totally "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". Good for you girl.