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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

295 replies

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 04:51

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

OP posts:
NotPlayingAnyMore · 10/05/2009 23:41

I'm sure you know this already SA, but if you haven't already replied to his e-mail, please don't be about to.
I don't know how this would affect you legally, but mentally, cutting off the direct contact is surely the only way to go.

mpuddleduck · 10/05/2009 23:53

SA, just want to say Iam sorry this has happened to you and hope you and ds and dd are ok. Your reply on my thread a few weeks ago really helped me,you sounded so strong, I hope you can be still,I want you to know Iam wishing you strengh and happiness for the future.

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 00:02

MrsB, it would appear so lol

I didn't think tbh that it would start this soon. He obv hasn't been arrested yet then

CFTCF, i know flower you dont need to tell me, and i do not think you are being rude or bossy.
I understand the attack could have been fatal, and of course i can't let it sink right in or i would be an emotional wreck. I have like a whiplash effect and talking to people i keep forgetting what i'm saying so i know i got very hurt.

He was at mine because i was trying to be friends for DS's sake, the other 2 do not see their dads and at the time he had been an arsehole, but not violent, so i didn't mind him coming here to see DS as he is breastfed so can't be taken anywhere, tbh i wouldn't have allowed it till he was older anyway and able to tell me about his day, so i could nip any problems in the bud or know if he had been badly treated, ect.

I have not replied, no, nor do i intend to.
I could be dead now. He doesn't seem to grasp this in his 'our tune' type email, its full of self pity and just made me angry.
He wouldn't do anything anyway.

He's a bully and a coward. Neither of those make me think he would hurt himself, a little of me is wondering if i may be wrong but hell am i going to worry or lose sleep over it.

What a donkey.

OP posts:
YanknCock · 11/05/2009 00:09

Will you contact the police again and tell them he is harassing you by email now? Why on earth haven't they arrested him yet!?

Glad you will not be losing sleep over his veiled threats of self-harm. What a fucking git.

Alambil · 11/05/2009 00:09

his choice if he does.... he's an adult.

Don't contact him again please - it'll really really not go down well in court

Just log all contact from him, what it was and when (incase he changes tack again and gets verbal)

You got anyone who can stay over for a bit to help you?

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 00:26

U haven't contacted him chick, or replied. I am without doubt having been through this before, first you get the sorrys, and the threats of suicide/cant live without you's..then if that doesn't work they turn nasty, then nice again as if they have shown you how nasty they can be and suddenly all reasonable again, takes you off guard or try to make you feel 'grateful' they aren't being nasty...

Oh yes. It begins lol.
Well he has given me the extra proof i need really hasn't he, apologising for what he did to me?

Knobchops.
I dont know what he expects, me to immediately email him back and say 'please dont do anything stupid, i forgive you blah blah'

Tomorrow will be the day i leave it all behind, have my own money and not have to budget for feeding him and the kids
But i am being quite rightly selfish atm, and thinking about myself and my own kids.

OP posts:
Alambil · 11/05/2009 00:33

damn straight!!

I know you hadn't emailed - was just saying don't, if you were tempted

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 11/05/2009 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TrillianAstra · 11/05/2009 08:56

Print off the email and take it to the police station. And any further emails.

He 'knows what he has to do to stop the people he cares about getting hurt' does he? Well, aside from the fact that I doubt he really cares about you and DS all that much, we know what he needs to do too. He needs to fuck off.

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 09:26

Lol TA to be honest that was along the lines of the reply i was ITCHING to send him

Yes i had a great nights sleep with DS
I noticed he never asked if DSC's could see the baby
Selfish to the last.
Although he did say thank you for giving me a son and he hopes DS grows up like me.
Damn right lol.

I remember saying to him the other night when i was angry and he grabbed his car keys, and i said, i hope the next time i see that car it has you inside it and a hosepipe hanging out of the exhaust so i feel a bit bad about that.

I have decided i WILL be telling the ss about his treatment of the other 2 to be honest, i can't bear the thought of what he's going to be like with them, and his sister has no legal rights over them

I don't know. Part of me feels sorry for him because i know why he is how he is, but as i have said before, he is an adult and well capable of changing his behaviour, he knows what he does wrong, and how to put it right but he isn't willing to put in the effort. He will be a sad lonely old man.

Well, not my problem.
Phoning the SS in a bit to find out whats happening, don't want them just turning up and me not being in or something, i know sometimes they drag their heels a bit.

Hope you all have a lovely day....the sun is shining here yaaay and its strange how good weather makes you feel happy xx

OP posts:
sophia1930 · 11/05/2009 09:53

stercus don't feel sorry for him, thats how he works, thats how he manipulates you. did he feel sorry for you when you were lay on the floor possibly seriously injured? (no only when it imapcted on him later and he felt sorry for himself). Did he feel sorry for DS alone when you were lay on the floor...how long could it have been before someone found DS if you were unable to get back up?
good luck with the SS xx

FantasticMissFox · 11/05/2009 10:10

SA, have been following your thread from the start. Just like to say how impressed I am with how strong your being. PLease please please do not feel sorry for this man twat. He doesn't deserve your sympathy. If you are even tempted to get in contact with him please come back to this thread and remind yourself what he did to you. You deserve to be with someone who knows how to treat women.

Have a lovely day in the sun!

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 12:29

Hi sophia

FMF thanks x Rightyho, an update, the police couldn't get in contact with him and apparently tried his sisters address yesterday Where i know he was at because of the email the great lump.

I have got his work address now so they have promised faithfully he will be picked up today.

And i asked if they would make big noises about WHAT they were arresting him for, no doubt his DB will see whats happening as he works in an office on the same estate...
None of them agree with men hitting women so his life won't be worth living once they find out.

Sophia.. i DO feel sorry for him because this is his mum and dads doing. But i don't because he is a 38 year old MAN now and able to make his own decisions about how he behaves, i watched my mum have the crap beaten out of her regularly by SD after SD and both of them would also hit us, and swear.

I managed to turn around how i was brought up, it takes work, thats all, and its work he is too damn selfish to put in. Feel sorry for the next victim he terrorises and sponges off.

Here's my new message on FB...can i please just have one photo a year of david please?

I HAVE replied.

"Yes, there will be photo's on here so you can just cut and paste them. Yours sincerely, my name*

Only one thing i am interested in to do with him now, and that is to ask the ss how DSC's can get to see their brother as its not their fault their dad is a NOB.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 11/05/2009 13:01

"i DO feel sorry for him because this is his mum and dads doing."

No it's not. We are not simply the product of our upbringings. We have free will. This is his doing.

You should delete him from your facebook account and block him from seeing any of your information , especially your pictures. How do you think he will react if he sees a cpiture of you with another man, even if it's completely innocent?

maltesers · 11/05/2009 13:05

HOW ARE THINGS NOW STERCUSACCIDIT ???? WHATS THE LATEST ... ARE YOU OK ???

BitOfFun · 11/05/2009 13:17

Agree with trill about the facebook- OBVIOUS!

Hope the police get him today x

DorotheaPlenticlew · 11/05/2009 13:23

SA, you've been really brave, and I salute you. But I don't like the notion of him still being able to see your Facebook page AT ALL. De-friend him. Please.

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 13:38

Thanks

I don't go on FB that often to be honest and i hadn't blocked him .. i was there typing a message to another friend and up it came "I am really so sorry and blah blah"

I WAS SOOOO gobsmacked about the 'one photo a year' thing. (Dying to say one csa payment a month twatbag) but didn't bother.

Its just not worth it. I suppose i can post a picture to his sister every now and again but i don't see why everyone else should miss out because he can't behave like a normal human being.

Wanted to go swimming today and couldn't because of the HI and my arm still isn't good enough for me to hold DS properly, i'm FUMING because i'd planned to do this all weekend.

Phoned SS, no doubt they will get back to me after lunch... speaking of which I'm clammed...my stomach thinks my throat's been cut...bbl x

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 11/05/2009 13:41

So are you deleting and blocking him then? Do it. Do it now. Do we ever steer you wrong? It doesn't affect what anyone else can see on your facebook.

theDreadPirateRoberts · 11/05/2009 13:45

Another vote here for de-friending him SA. Just found this thread and am and and for you...

But you know how to do this right this time don't you?

No contact.

Report all contact to the police

Don't engage with his family

He's good at getting to you - don't give him the opportunity - please?

Oh, and instead of Stercus, how about FelixAccidit? Cos it will now

StealthPolarBear · 11/05/2009 13:49

Just read all this So sorry you've had to go through this, and that your DS saw. Good for you for doing exactly the right thing.
Where do they breed these idiots? (am at work so can't swear)

OrmIrian · 11/05/2009 14:02

Good god stercus. So sorry.

Keep strong and keep angry.

QueentessentialShadow · 11/05/2009 14:14

Oh my God Stercus, this was horrible reading, poor you!

I implore you to defriend him on facebook. Facebook is the root of all evil. You dont WANT to see little messages like this, you dont WANT him to see photos of you, and see your friends. You want him OUT of your life.

And no, it is not due to his upbringing. It is HIM. He is a grown up, he should be able to differentiate between right and wrong, he should KNOW not to use the head of a woman, his sons mother as a football. He is evil.

I wish you well.

StercusAccidit · 11/05/2009 14:38

Thx ... right as i thought the SS have said they are going to open the assessment up again on little DS

Its blown any chance at the moment of overnight/weekends over contact with DD , although they will keep this under consideration, she's 15 this year so ANY delay is a terrible setback.

So he hasn't just ruined everything for himself but for me and the kids as well, God at the moment i am really annoyed.

Where do they breed these men..in a sewer i'd say.

I am worried about DS and his contact with family but the SS have said they will supervise it so thats a weight off my mind.

Of course, he HASNT told his family and friends, so when he has to have supervised contact as well as being arrested he will have to tell them why.
I also spilt the beans on DSC's because i don't think they will be adequately protected from him.

I hope he's happy, the arsehole.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/05/2009 14:49

"I also spilt the beans on DSC's because i don't think they will be adequately protected from him. "
Good for you!

I don't understand the issue with your DD? If he's gone then what's the harm? (Don't answer if you'd rather not go into it)