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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well..its 4:30 in the morning, and you know my DP/XP, the one i said would NEVER hit me?

295 replies

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 04:51

Well, he did last night

After being told i may have an STI, obv i have been a bit wary, as well as with past experiences, anyway, he came over all lovey dovey and giving me the answers i needed to hear.. i am the abuser, none of it was your fault, ect, and i was beginning to warm to him to the point that i may have even considered trying again.

Well, last night i mentioned that i had a doctors appointment on thursday, he was like, oh, to check if you have an STI? I know you think i have given it to you. I can read you like a book, you think 'that dirty bastard has given me a disease'...dont you?

"I assure you i am thinking nothing of the sort," i said, "Given that you swore on your kids lives that you didn't sleep with any of them, you went to meet one, and chatted to the others online."

He got up from the sofa, and came towards me in the doorway, and PUSHED me by using his open hand on the side of my face. Shocked, i stood there with my mouth open while he walked into the kitchen. I then go upstairs to feed DS2, and put him to bed, and i'm thinking 'was it me or did he just??'

Then he comes upstairs and gets into bed as if nothing has happened. (I agreed he could stay the night as i asked if i could use the car to visit DD tomorrow morning) I then get up, and go downstairs.
I can clearly hear him caliing me a bitch and a cunt from upstairs.
So, his phone is downstairs and i have a quick nosey.
There are explicit texts to OW on there..THREE of them in fact.
Anyway, i choose to ignore this as i can now hear DS crying having been woken up by HIM having a whinge and a rant. As i go upstairs to pick DS up, i hear twatface say, "And you can shut the fuck up as well or i'll bounce you off the wall"

Without a word i went in and picked DS up, grabbed a babygro, and DS' changing bag, which i always keep fully stocked, its a habit going back to violent XXP...Once DS is outside the door, i walk back in, go up to twatface, and told him i want him to leave, and i never want to see him again as far as i'm concerned.
"I'm not going anywhere" he said, obv thinking i was just angry about STI and hadn't heard what he said to DS. I told him i HAD heard, and i had seen the messages on his phone, to which he replied he had done it because he knew i had changed the settings to save messages.

So, clinging onto the phone, i walked out, and phoned the police to remove him. I went back down near the house, he came out, i asked him, WHY? why do you do this to me? i have never done anything but love you and all you do is cheat on me"

Give me my phone, bank card and car keys, he replied, so i chucked the card and keys into the house, and walked off with the phone, texting one of his 'slappers' as i went.
He came up the street about five minutes later, to tell me, you can come back in the house now if you want.. hmph! I replied i didn't want to be anywhere near him the lying cheating scumbag, and walked off. I turned just in time to see him running towards me, so i pushed DS into someones driveway, and tried to run, he caught me, punched me in the side of my head, and dragged me backwards so i fell onto the floor, he then kicked me in the ribs from behind, and kicked the back of my head twice, before i rolled onto my other side, curled up into a ball, and covered my head with my hands. He then kicked my head/hands once more, screaming "Give me my phone bitch"
Then he walked off.

DS saw all of this.
How could i be so stupid ffs and so wrong about somebody? All the time he was being so nice to me and doing that with other women behind my back? One message said "I will come over there after work and give you a good seeing to" (he told me he finished work at 5, now i know he finishes at 4)

Oh well, i don't give a flying crap what he does any more. I HAVE reported to the police. I fully expect SS to come here giving me shit but i'm not letting him get away with this. I AM going to press charges. And i WILL get a no contact order for DS.

God i feel alone vulnerable and FUCKING STUPID right now

Sorry, had to vent........kicking the head of your babys mother FFS......like a fucking football!! Tosser. If he EVER darkens my fucking door again.....Grr

OP posts:
spicemonster · 09/05/2009 12:02

I am so sorry to read this. You poor woman, how awful for you. MP is right - your DS won't remember any of this but he will grow up knowing that his mum is there to protect and love him, no matter what.

I have no advice but send you my very best wishes that you get through this

ChubbyMinge · 09/05/2009 12:19

leaves chocs, wine, and a self-help book entitled "How to stay away from fuckers" for Stercus

{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

TrillianAstra · 09/05/2009 12:25

Oh no, poor you. I thought you weren't seeing him any more after he ripped the fireplace off the wall?

Change the locks, and keep your phone on you at all times.

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 12:28

Foxy, he's at his nans so he's ok and missed the entire thing thank GOD.

Whoever asked..his kids are 6 and 8 years old.. at least DS2 will grow up happy not like them watching their dads every facial expression and looking constantly down and frightened when he loses his rag its hit me over the weeks since having DS and they have been here to stay, before i didn't see them very often so it was harder to see, but what an impact he has on them!...he only has to give them 'the look' and they immediately freeze poor little souls.

I don't know how i could have seen that for much longer tbh, two kiddies walking round with one eye constantly on their dad..and his favourite line "Oh so you don't love me? Well i don't love you then".....stinks of emotional abuse, they're ONLY worth something to him as long as they love and adore him? FFS.

I should have realised when i stood and yelled at him, "it'll be a cold day in hell when i stand by and watch kids being emotionally abused"...and when i told the kids both of their parents were shit and didn't deserve two beautiful kids. Ok it was in hindsight a bad thing to say but i hope they remember it as they grow up and come to believe it and cut both the pricks out of their lives.

Can only hope eh. In the meantime MY DS won't have to tread on eggshells

OP posts:
StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 12:30

I wasn't trilliant but i didn't think being shitty would help so i tried to keep it amicable and 'friendly'

Obv he thought 'ooo here's my chance to get back in her knickers but shag other women in the meantime'

I admit it, i've been taken for a ride lol

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 09/05/2009 12:33

God, well done. You are bloody brilliant. What an absolute bastard if a man . Stay strong. You have done absolutely the right thing and I think you are fabulous.

MrsMattie · 09/05/2009 12:33

of a man

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2009 12:35

has he tried to get in touch today at all stercus?

StercusAccidit · 09/05/2009 12:40

Supercherry omg thank you for the offer thats very kind..i've phoned DD and explained i haven't got a car to come and see her and apologised for letting her down
But thank you all the same.

I had a woman from round the corner come to see me today, thats why 2 sets of police turned up, because she saw what happened and phoned them so i have a witness to the kicking, apparently he kicked me a LOT more times than three so i must have blacked out, i have had to update the police just...she says he kicked me approx seven times and stamped on my ribs and arm as i was on my side which accounts for why i can't move my arm much.

Didn't have any scans just xrays on my elbow and shoulder but feel ok apart from the lumps on my head so maybe its true where there's no sense there's no feeling sorry... BSOH again.

I'm glad i got the keys, and his whole family have phoned today asking whats going on and i was like, sorry, can't deal with you all right now, DS is crying cos i can't pick him up because of what your brother/son/uncle did.
Then just put the phone down. Its a shame cos they won't actively seek contact, and i can't get over there anyway till i go back to work, IF i go back.. so, i suppose he's ruined things for them as well.

DS is quite happy and chatty this morning and unconcerned with stuff, i have managed to change his bum by putting his changing mat on the kitchen side lol so getting there.

Once again, thank you all, i am even more determined since speaking to the lady who came this morning that he shouldn't get away with what he has done to me.

OP posts:
JRocks · 09/05/2009 12:45

Good god, I read your OP and my stomach actually flipped for you. Just wanted to say you sound amazingly strong, I hope he gets suitably punished for his disgusting behaviour. Best wishes

Overmydeadbody · 09/05/2009 12:48

I just wanted to add a and bloody well done for being so strong and for pressing charges.

I hope your strength and this thread help convince other women out there that men like this are not worth it.

HeinzSight · 09/05/2009 12:50

I agree with others who have expressed concern about the blows you received to your head. Did the hospital give you any advise when they discharged you, ie to make sure you have someone with you and what signs/symptoms to look for to suggest you need urgent treatment?

I can only echo what others have said and just say what a COMPLETE AND UTTER BASTARD. You DO sound like an amazing lady. Keep taking those painkillers.

Make sure that 'man' (in the loosest sense of the word) gets what he deserves.

Overmydeadbody · 09/05/2009 12:51

Oh you poor thing, that is absolutely terrible. It's really good that you have an independant witness, I'm so glad someone has come forward, they often don't

screamingabdab · 09/05/2009 13:00

Stercus Don't know what to say, except

Sending you good thoughts

GivePeasAChance · 09/05/2009 13:02

SA so sorry to hear about what has happened. Some of your previous posts have been inspirational and I know you will make it out of the other end.

I hope the pain starts to get better today (I do hope you are taking something for it)

Take care and stay strong x

WorzselMummage · 09/05/2009 13:58

You poor thing

What a cunt.

madameovary · 09/05/2009 14:06

Read your update and what that woman saw - I hope she tells the police.

Please get ALL the help you can, Victim Support, Women's Aid etc. You are probably still running on adrenalin now but you WILL need continued support to make sure his bastard behaviour does no lasting psychological damage.
If you can possible face it, it is good to establish these contacts now, these are the people who know how to deal with any aftershocks.

I've been chased in the street and had my phone ripped out of my hand by ex. No kicking but he tripped me up and that was bad enough. What you describe made me want to cry.
Stay strong Stercus. You are doing brilliantly.

NoNameNoOtherAlias · 09/05/2009 14:18

I really don't know what to say. THere really aren't any words to describe the horror of what he's done to you.

I'm glad that you're ok, and that you're pressing charges.

I hope that you're feeling better soon. DO you have a good stock of pain killers?

Winebeforepearls · 09/05/2009 14:48

Sweetheart, so sorry for what he's done to you

Is there anyone who can come over and help with DS while you're recovering? Sounds like you should be in bed with someone making you cups of tea.

andiem · 09/05/2009 14:55

stercus so sorry to see this has happened to you
take care

MintyyAeroEgg · 09/05/2009 15:25

Why didn't you just give him the phone?
Why didn't you tell him the police were on their way and go back in to the house?
Why would you phone one of his "slappers" after throwing him out?

Why post all this on the www for everyone to see? You are hardly anonymous are you?

Its clear that you love the attention you get from Mumsnet but you really must focus and get down to sorting out this mess.

Is there not a Mumsnetter amongst this lot who offer you limitless virtual support living close enough to come and sit with you and talk to you and help you make plans? Or at least email privately or in a small group?

Don't worry I will hide the thread. I am not unsympathetic to you Stercus but I think you need to be doing something about your situation other than baring your soul on the internet.

madameovary · 09/05/2009 15:29

MintyyAeroEgg you have obviously never been in a similar situation or you would not have posted such staggeringly patronising and unhelpful comments.

Stercus has posted on here for support, not because she loves the attention or wants to bare her soul

Your comments say way more about you than SA

swineoclock · 09/05/2009 15:31

minty, harsh and unnecessary, not everyone has rl support.

FabulousBakerGirl · 09/05/2009 15:31

Firstly you are a lovely person to try and give him a second chance and he is a twat for not seeing it.

I checked your profile to see if I was near enough to offer a lift to see your DD but have no clue where you are. The offer stands if you are near enough.

Have you got the locks changed?

What is happening now?

AnarchyAunt · 09/05/2009 15:36

Wanker. So so sorry to hear this.

I am v near you (have 'spoken' before about local BF support I think?) and please, if you'd like to meet up or if I can help in any way email me - lollipoptree at hotmail dot co dot uk.

Wishing you strength and a good recovery.

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