So whats 'your take' on this?

[piggintrotters]

Sorry, have named changed, BTW I hope you like it. DH is financially secure and successful and I am very proud of him however, we seem to have quite different values and it causes many an argument. This is how it is. I am a SAHM (we both want that) and I would like to finish furnishing our house. It has been 4 years now and we still have curtains in a few rooms and need some furniture, glassware, cutlery and crockery. Of course we can make do and if we were on hard times then it wouldn't be an issue. BUT dh can afford these things and prefers to invest his wealth/earnings into his company. I agree, thats a wise move but can't we have the house finished first please? It always leads to us 'having words' and him saying stuff like I bring home as much money as possible and, you just had a holiday, etc etc. The company has grown magnificently with all the cah injection - because it is important. My home is important too, I spend 24/7 in it. How can I make him see things my way? I never ask for much, I don't nag, I would just like to have the home complete. Any ideas Mnrs?

So what are you going to do? It does seem ridiculous to be sitting in a fab big house but with it part furnished etc. That does need addressing. Especially as you DO resent it and are angry about it. Justifiably so.

You don't want to leave. I agree that throwing away a marriage is a big step. However I certainly couldn't live with your current situation.

You say he won't go for counselling. If I were you I would really try and persuade him to do so as I think an outsiders viewpoint would help.

Failing that you need to sit down and have a long chat with him. Along the lines of "I know you work hard and I appreciate that. I know re-investing into the company is important. However I really want to furnish the house now. I feel we have waited long enough. Now is a great time as there are so many good deal around. How would you like to do it? Would you feel more comfortable to give me a budget and let me work with that?"

In the meantime - have a long honest look and think about why you haven't used more of your monthly allowance to buy things for the house. Why did you ask him for the money for the cushions for instance? I think you feel angry at his attitude and are trying to get at him but it isn't working. So maybe you need a different approach.

What dittany said.

And also...pigs...why exactly did you post?

What is the point of posting for advice (and this goes for many other posters too) if you then treat the replies as 'boring' because you don't like what people have to say?

Most of us spend time thinking about the many dilemmas we read about on here. We try to get to the bottom of these problems and put our own hearts into replying.

Sometimes we post about our own very painful experiences to try to show posters that we have been there and we understand.

We expose ourselves on the internet for the benefit of strangers.

Why did you thank people who posted 'positive' replies? What do you mean by that?

I left my mean and controlling EXH , I consider that to be positive. It was certainly the saving of my children ....hopefully they won't continue to grow up thinking its ok if their father treats their mother like shit. What could be more positive than that?

Oh and PS....I left after 23 years together. Half my life almost.

yes, third dittany and gettingagrip.

i also don't think things have really gotten better. things might be smoother, but by your admission it's because you've not been putting your opinion forward.

i think the outcome of this thread has been the same as the others, and like the others you always leave saying you've got what you needed from the thread. will we hear again from you in 6 months time, still in the same position?

please have a good think about what has been said here.

Who is taking offense?

Well, I took the bull by the horns and said to DH words along of the lines of Come andlook at this room, I am going to get this curtaining here and a rug, what do you think, went to three other rooms and basically said the same thing and before I could finish the sentence, he said ' yes that fine, just go and do it' . Maybe all i needed was to be more assertive and not perhaps so needy, I don't know. Dittany and Warthog I am saying this because it truely is the case, we are getting along so very much better and I can see he is treating me so much better. I am not being blinded by anything, its a fact. It will be ok.

Good for you Piggin.
Its easy for people to judge from a post on here but only you know what your marriage is like and if you think its worth staying then good on you.
Some people wouldn't put up with your DH and I'm sure you wouldn't put up with some of theirs.
Its worth remembering sometimes that people tend to post on here with their problems, or to have a moan about their DH's but rarely post on here saying "my DH and I are getting on really well and I am happy" so all we see is the crap side of things which can get blown out of proportion.
I'm glad your DH agreed to have the rooms done, some people would say you shouldn't have had to ask permission to decorate your own home, but if you are happy with that way of doing things then thats good.
Maybe you should post some pics when it is all done!

, maybe I will come back on here soon and tell you all how we are getting on, and I do thibk it will be fine. DH seems so much happier these days.

I am glad things have moved on in a positive way!

If I were you I think I would find a way to earn some money of my own for a little more independence.

Do come back and tell us. We all hate being left wondering what's happened to someone.

So glad that taking the bull by the horns has worked.

You need to tackle your crockery situation as well.

Well done, piggintrotters, enjoy your home.

Glad to hear this! Have fun shopping!