So whats 'your take' on this?

[piggintrotters]

Sorry, have named changed, BTW I hope you like it. DH is financially secure and successful and I am very proud of him however, we seem to have quite different values and it causes many an argument. This is how it is. I am a SAHM (we both want that) and I would like to finish furnishing our house. It has been 4 years now and we still have curtains in a few rooms and need some furniture, glassware, cutlery and crockery. Of course we can make do and if we were on hard times then it wouldn't be an issue. BUT dh can afford these things and prefers to invest his wealth/earnings into his company. I agree, thats a wise move but can't we have the house finished first please? It always leads to us 'having words' and him saying stuff like I bring home as much money as possible and, you just had a holiday, etc etc. The company has grown magnificently with all the cah injection - because it is important. My home is important too, I spend 24/7 in it. How can I make him see things my way? I never ask for much, I don't nag, I would just like to have the home complete. Any ideas Mnrs?

Actually I am also beginning to tire of all these threads by seemingly intelligent women playing the martyr and being pathetic. You are basically condoning your DHs controlling behaviour by accepting these weirdy 'allowance' type arrangements.

He is an arse. But why oh why are you allowing this to go on?

Quat - are you serious? Are you her DH?

What on earth is wrong with wanting some cushions? Each to their own, surely? Would her plight be more worthy if she wanted some textbooks or something else we deem less feminine and frivolous?

I am so surprised at some of the responses on here.

I think the OP is hugely angry after years of being treated quite literally as an employee by her DH that she has started to behave like one. By moaning about the conditions of her employment. It sounds as though there was never a 'contract' of equality agreed unfortunately.

Yes, the value of the company makes him a millionaire.

But it doesn't mean that he has a million pounds as wages every year.

I honestly think that if he were completely controlling the op would not have an allowance of £2200 a month.

I know some wealthy men who only let their wives have a credit card which is gone through with a fine toothcomb each time the statement comes. No allowance to spend how they choose.

But she's not being angry and she really should be. Instead, she is on here lamenting her situation.

The way things stand, he is holding power over her, controlling her and to me that is not a marriage. Sort it out or leave him.

The amount she gets is irrelevant. It's the fact that she is 'given' anything. What worries me is that it seems she'd be happy to continue accepting the allowance if he'd furnish the house. Really she should be demanding an end to the way he treats her.

Not being controlling and being given an allowance in the same sentance...

Sure that the allowance thing works for some women but not for me I'm afraid.

But then I come from a family where my father worked FT, mother SAHM and she gave him an allowance every week of only £5! Hmmmm...

Oh good I can agree with dittany!

I was just going to say that I got all the companies house info when I split with my ex and he was claiming not to have any money to buy me out.

He claimed a small 'salary' but the companies house info showed that he had most of the money going into dividends which he paid himself.

You can do that all online for a small fee.

At least that way piggs you would know once and for all what the true financial state was and act accordingly.

I am not envious of someone having £26k a year - personally I could not imagine being married to someone for years and not actually knowing what OUR joint financial situation was. I do my dps tax return and if either of our businesses went to ltd co status the other would be a director and have full unlimited access to the financial information.

Piggsintrotters - are you a director of the company, that might be where the allowance comes from if you are paid a dividend, in which case I take it back about him paying you as tax evasion.

IMO I think she is angry but perhaps not showing it in the way some of us might. Think after a long time of living in such a situation then anger is watered down into a palatable, husband friendly version.

Regardless of amounts, any marriage where allowances take place are weird, unbalanced and controlling.

"Even if it's 150,000 a year, it's extraordinarily tight that he has that much for himself and only £26,400 for his wife off the company books, out of which she has to pay for food, clothes and petrol and apparently furnish the mahoosive house that he decided to buy."

Well let's say he earns 150k a year. That works out at around £7k a month. Out of which you pay everything (utilities, cars holidays etc) except for food and clothes. You give your wife an allowance which probably equates to around half your income to cover that ...

And she still wants more cushions ...

Agree Flib. Not knowing your joint financial situation is frankly scary whether you're the main earner or not. It really is a case of Piggs being the employee without the rights and him being the secretive member of the management team.

Can I have your husband please?

He is giving you a generous amount of money, to be honest, I wonder if you arent a little greedy? Your husband seem totally sensible.
He has invested in property: a big house and a country house. He pools back money into his company. He has given you a salary of 15 k as a stay at home mum. It is therefore YOUR job to handle the domestic side of things, within the budget you are given.

In my opinion, budgeting and planning should be part of that job. And if you really want cushions, and curtains, you should budget and plan, and buy it from your "salary".

I dont understand how it is possible to get £2,200 per month, and not have utility bills to pay, not have tax to pay, ONLY groceries, clothing and petrol (for a car I am sure he pays MOT and insurance for)

I think you need to get a grip. Aside from the 2,2k you get, he needs to pay bills, such as electricity, gas, water, council tax and insurance on TWO properties and insurance and mot on two cars, he pays you birthday money and holidays.

How on earth can you not pop down to John Lewis and buy a few cushions?

But that isn't the point is it? Way back in the thread there were numerous details of the OPs DH making comments about the lack of value he puts on her role. There's no equality. She works too. I have been both a SAHM and a working mother and I know which one I found harder work.

If we're going to get into the figures then out of £7k with a mortgage paid off then I'd be interested to know why there isn't any spare money to furnish the family home to a very high standard. And that's taking into account the £2k+ OP is 'allowed'.

The OP is on the payroll; she is effectively an employee. Sure that the OPs DH pays for a handsome office for himself to prove his wealth and status - why not for the most important employee in his company?

Oh, leave already. You have such an imbalanced relationship dynamic, and it's really hard to change from that master slave thing. Get clued up financially, save up some of your 2600/month allowance, get a phD, get a job, get some cushions,get a plate or two, get a DVD player, get a life,get some confidence, grow some and LEAVE.

You only get one life and you are spending yours in a Miss Havisham stylee stasis. Don't waste yourself. ACT.

Why why why should the OP furnish the home from her take home 'pay'? The OPs DH does not furnish his office from his take home pay.

There is so much envy and jealousy on this thread. Be interesting to see how people might feel if the OP had £300 per month and her husband proportionately less salary too. Maybe we'd all be being less judgemental. Funny how we dislike the partners of those who are rich.

I can assure you that my comments are not borne out of any sense of envy. I struggle when women switch their brains off. Don't know if this is misogyny, because I don't struggle when men do the same (maybe it's because I don't expect too much of them).

Utterly feeble thread though.

Why even think about it in terms of his money and her money, and her allowance?

The point is that she IS given enough money, and CAN spend money on cushions if she wants to. She doesnt. She wants to spend everything she gets, and she wants MORE from her husband to beatify the house.

She got £1k for her birthday, and she could not even budget in a single scatter cushion, because this woman, she bought diamond jewellery!

Utterly feeble thread??

But she shouldn't be given any money. When a woman is given money by her husband rather than having access to their joint finances then that is not a marriage IMO.

Why even think of it as his money and her money... err... because that's how the money is divided in Piggs house I'm suggest. She has her money. He has his which is a secret amount. They are divided.

She is given enough money in your eyes. Perhaps £2k+ per month is a lot of money for some people, but when your husband has considerably more to spend on whatever he wishes then it's not enough.

How would everyone feel if she had £300 per month and her husband had £1100 and the same situation arose?

Actually, you're all right, she sounds like an arse. How dare she have money every month, more than some of us and still want more. Shame on her.

That would not be very sensible, I think, in this case. I would not let my husband have access to joint assets if he was a spendthrift and did not see the necessity in ensuring the survival of the company, our livelyhood.