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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i know it is wrong

194 replies

doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:00

Just over a year ago, DH and I were having a really bad time. We even started divorce proceedings. I met another man through an internet chat room. He was with a woman and just wanted a bit of fun. So did I really. So we started talking on MSN and we were really flirty and even had internet sex He came round to my house once to fix my computer and we got on so well. NOTHING happened except a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. Anyway, a few months later, DH and I decided to give it another go. I finished it with this other man (not that anything actually happened.) Anyway, out of the blue, he rung me today. I was so shocked. He was very flattering to me and I felt the same butterflies I did last time. I don't know what to do. I am not sure I am totally in love with my DH, but I know that there is no chance that me and this other man could ever be together. We are both 'happy' with our partners but for both of us, differences in sex drives has caused trouble within our relationships. I know that even comtemplating it is wrong. I would never actually do anything with this man, even though he has made it perfectly clear that he would like to. I need the courage to tell him that I can't ever speak to him again so i can get on with my life with DH, but at the same time, it is nice to feel wanted

OP posts:
collision · 28/04/2005 16:02

Oo-er......could you tell him online so you dont have to face him?

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:03

we have only met in RL once anyway.

OP posts:
collision · 28/04/2005 16:03

It must be flattering for you but Oh what a mess if you did have an affair. Do you have young children?

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:04

yes. i know, i know. I really dont think i could 'do' anything with him. I care too much about my husband

OP posts:
AngelCakeUmm · 28/04/2005 16:06

I would tell him that you must end your conversations here....otherwise something may happen.
In my honest opinion if your happy with your dh? then tell this other guy that you can no longer chat to him, it really is not worth the hasstle.

Goodluck in whatever you decided

cod · 28/04/2005 16:06

Message withdrawn

AngelCakeUmm · 28/04/2005 16:08

Also you must think to yourself is it really worth it as it may just become nothing and stay at a bit of hows your father so to speak, but you may lose your dh over it. I would stay well away especially if he has a partner too !

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:08

yes cod. something like that

OP posts:
cod · 28/04/2005 16:12

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 28/04/2005 16:13

I have always wondered this too

cod · 28/04/2005 16:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:14

not quite cod. lol!

OP posts:
cod · 28/04/2005 16:15

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 28/04/2005 16:16

COD how did you know I was wearing it?

lou33 · 28/04/2005 16:20

if you are sure that you dont want to do anything with this man, then don't, just enjoy the ego boost it has given you, and apply it to your rl.

However I am not entirely sure you feel like that because , if it were the case you wouldn't feel the need to post on mn about it. Does your h know anything about this other man? What does he fulfil that your h does not? How would you feel if your h found out? Could you handle it if you discovered that dh had been doing a similar thing?

And pmsl @ the vision in my head of cod being taught how to do cybersex!

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:25

he fulfils the fact that he takes notice of me. he calls me his princess. he makes me feel good about who I am and the way i look. he fulfils fantasies about my sexlife that DH would never even dream of doing (and yes I have asked him) DH doesnt do anything like this. He doesnt know about this other man. If he did the same then in a way I would be glad that he had found someone to make him happy. As long as a the end of the day he comes back to me.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 28/04/2005 16:27

Have to say, that i wouldn't have a prob with it so long as you don't actually see him again. I mean it isn't real is it so no harm done imo.

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:36

he wants to meet up again. he asked if he could come round on the 17th May.

OP posts:
lou33 · 28/04/2005 16:37

when you met him irl, how did it make you feel?

HappyDaddy · 28/04/2005 16:39

He wants to come to your house?

Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:40

really happy. nervous. like you do the first time you meet someone and your heart skips a beat.

OP posts:
Original poster
doublestandards · 28/04/2005 16:40

yes why HD? he has been before

OP posts:
collision · 28/04/2005 16:41

You say that Nutty but how would you feel if your DP was getting hot and sweaty about another woman who was talking dirty to him? I would be and myself.

Can you not try and inject a bit of romance and spontaniety into your own relationship with DH?

Easy · 28/04/2005 16:41

just say no !!

HappyDaddy · 28/04/2005 16:42

Sorry, I thought he wanted to come round for something to happen.