i know it is wrong

[doublestandards]

Just over a year ago, DH and I were having a really bad time. We even started divorce proceedings. I met another man through an internet chat room. He was with a woman and just wanted a bit of fun. So did I really. So we started talking on MSN and we were really flirty and even had internet sex He came round to my house once to fix my computer and we got on so well. NOTHING happened except a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. Anyway, a few months later, DH and I decided to give it another go. I finished it with this other man (not that anything actually happened.) Anyway, out of the blue, he rung me today. I was so shocked. He was very flattering to me and I felt the same butterflies I did last time. I don't know what to do. I am not sure I am totally in love with my DH, but I know that there is no chance that me and this other man could ever be together. We are both 'happy' with our partners but for both of us, differences in sex drives has caused trouble within our relationships. I know that even comtemplating it is wrong. I would never actually do anything with this man, even though he has made it perfectly clear that he would like to. I need the courage to tell him that I can't ever speak to him again so i can get on with my life with DH, but at the same time, it is nice to feel wanted

Yes but he was there to fix the computer last time and methinks he is not coming over to fix the plumbing this time, is he??

Be careful as you dont know him well and if he knows where you live.....well......just be careful.

If you don't want to lose your husband you shouldn't do it. If you aren't bothered either way then go ahead.

If you need to feel wanted just start a thread on here saying your leaving

As someone who has cheated before, I am being slightly flippent - in those days I would have said not everythings as cut and dry, argued with myself, justified it to myself but now I love my dp and no matter how tempted I was I would never cheat on him because nothing is worth the potential loss.

but nothing happened?

so the reality wasn't the same as you expected

i don't have a problem with dh using chat rooms, i often sit with him, while he asks me what to say, but i don't know how i would feel if he secretly met up with somone irl

you obv realise that if you say yes to him coming round this time he will probably take it as given that you will have sex, don't you?

Mumsnet is really a chat room tho a very exclusive posh one! but I would be horrified if DH was on one talking dirty to a woman.

Which chatrooms does your DH go on Lou?

Mine uses a rugby one and I am sure it is perfectly clean!!

nothing happened except a kiss. i dont want anything to physically happen ccos i know how guilty I would feel afterwards.

collision, rugby ones will be safe cos they are all gay!

Definately think he'll be expecting something i he comes to your house, this time.

he says not

Don't always believe men

What they say and what they are thinking is 2 different things

If nothing's going to happen, will dh be home?

don't know which ones, most of the "women" tend to be trying to scam you into paying for membership of some website or another, anyway. He doesn't have the communication skills i have, hence why i usually end up telling him what to say!

Doesn't bother me in the slightest, but i am aware that i am probably in a minority, and he wouldn't do it if i was bothered.

You kissed him, but you don't want anything to happen, yet you are considering letting him come round again in a few weeks?

I don't think you are being honest with yourself, because you know that by saying yes to him, he will assume that kiss will evolve into something more this time, and imo you are hoping for that too. The thing is, could you live with the consequences of your actions? Do you know this man well enough to know how he would react if he didn't get the response he thought he deserved? What if you change your mind when he is there and asked him to leave, can you guarantee he won't turn nasty on you?

Very good points lou.

I wouldn't be bothered Collision so long as he didn't then come to bed expecting a bit with me.

Message withdrawn

don't be so gullible, of course he says not, because he wants to come round and have sex with you!

it's when he gets there and starts pressuring you in subtle and maybe not so subtle ways that the problems start.

You're title says "I know it's wrong" and yet you are using this thread to justify it to yourself. I don't get it, if you give the title that name you must feel like you are doing something wrong - if you feel like that then you are. Isn't there a mum rule, can't remember it exactly - anyone else?

And even if he is honest and leaves, you'll always have the worry that he knows where you live. Do you want a visit or letter for your dh to arrive?

Do you fancy him in the flesh though ???

yes i do

i know where he lives too

The DS if you fancy him, you know that you want something to happen, don't you.

If you value your marriage and your family life, don't continue contact with him.

how do you know where he lives? have you been to his house?

he is a friends cousin

Well if you fancy him in the flesh then him going to your house is a bad idea because i can tell you now you wil not be able to stop anything happening, it will just happen.