i know it is wrong

[doublestandards]

Just over a year ago, DH and I were having a really bad time. We even started divorce proceedings. I met another man through an internet chat room. He was with a woman and just wanted a bit of fun. So did I really. So we started talking on MSN and we were really flirty and even had internet sex He came round to my house once to fix my computer and we got on so well. NOTHING happened except a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. Anyway, a few months later, DH and I decided to give it another go. I finished it with this other man (not that anything actually happened.) Anyway, out of the blue, he rung me today. I was so shocked. He was very flattering to me and I felt the same butterflies I did last time. I don't know what to do. I am not sure I am totally in love with my DH, but I know that there is no chance that me and this other man could ever be together. We are both 'happy' with our partners but for both of us, differences in sex drives has caused trouble within our relationships. I know that even comtemplating it is wrong. I would never actually do anything with this man, even though he has made it perfectly clear that he would like to. I need the courage to tell him that I can't ever speak to him again so i can get on with my life with DH, but at the same time, it is nice to feel wanted

Anotherhelen - Petty... hmmm... so is blatant attention seeking... as HappyDaddy put it.

This has been going on for over a year now..... honestly... what else do you expect DS?

I think you want your DH to leave you. That way you are exonerated of any blame and can be the victim, which you seem to be used to being.

DS.
What is so very wrong in your realtionship with your DH that you cant fix it?

Being in love with someone takes a lot of hard work, especially when you have children. Its far to easy to let those precious feelings you had for one another in the early days, slip away when you get caught up in family life.

Can you honestly imagine what it would be like every morning waking up knowing that you are no longer with the father of your children? I take it from your reluctance to end your marriage that your DH is a good man, a good father and a good husband. Is that not worth more than entering into a realtionship where there is no future. If your lover was serious about you he would be making all the right noises about leaving his GF and you starting a new life together.

Would you consider going for some counselling to try and salvage your relationship with your DH?
You need to find those feelings you had once for your DH and rekindled the love you had for him.

If you cant do that then you should be honest with your DH and tell him the truth. Tell him your marriage is over and that you have met someone else. Tell him you have slept with the other man and you want to seperate and live a new life.

....should've added there that when I was cheating on DH I just wanted him to leave me then the choice would have been made for me.... glad he didn't though!

Yes blatant attention seeking is petty QF but obviously DS is finding it hard making a decision, and if someone needs help than they need help its as simple as that i do feel very sorry for her husband but i feel sorry for her too as its not an easy sitaution for anyone! but DS you really really do need to make a decision of some kind before someone else involved in all of this takes it out of your hands and makes it for you! please do the right thing while you still have chance.

Anotherhelen - Thats what I have said to her too!! Wait until you've said that 5 times with the same excuses, then you'll maybe feel a bit frustrated too.

You can't help people that don't want helped! ...to coin a phrase.

I know QF and i fully sympathise with you too! it is hard to help someone who wont be helped, its very bloody frustrating! but at some point DS is going to make a decision and that has to be in her own time no matter how annoying that might be to all of us - we can either help ds or we cant, but we can try and you have obviously done that as much as you can - which im sure ds appreciates its just a very tough subject and one that obvioulsy hits a nerve with alot of poeple xxx

doublestandards, FWIW I wasn't being nasty to you, just trying to offer advice and maybe reasons for why 'he' is having an affair with you. i know it is very complex, but i think you should of yourself for once and sort yourself out first before you embark on another relationship. You owe it to both yourself, your husband and your children. I dont want you to let it get out of control and be one of those things you regret for the rest of your life

should 'look' after yourself, that should say

am not judging cos i have done things i shouldnt have done but was wanting to know did DS sleep with him cos her first thread from today said she hadnt but then later she said she had,which one is it?

Steoh1974 - She slept wiht him this morning! She hadn't taken that step further before.... I think a line has been crossed and a decision needed now IMHO.

i slept with him after i first posted

i am still writing the email. I am going to finish it with him. I am not in love with DH but what else can I do? I think I need to finish it with DH regardless.

so on her first thread she hadnt slept with him then?so she slept with him inbetween threads?or did she lie to begin with?i'm sure lots have seen my post from a few weeks ago bout my ex and he used to say the same 'my girlfriend doesnt sleep with me/understand me' routine but i always used to say 'not that old chestnut',i always knew he was lying about that but DS doesnt seem to think this fella is?

not judging as i said but i got proper slated on here with my post,some unjustified but only cos they didnt know the whole situation but i took the advice given and everythings getting better now so i think you need to ask him straight out if he wants to be with you,now not next month,if he doesnt jump at the chance then i think its safe to say he doesnt really want you for anything more than a shag,good luck!

DS. You say you are not in love with your DH. But do you love him? There is a differnce. Being "in love" is that heady rush you get when you first fall for someone and that is the feeling you need to get back if you want to salvage your relationship with him.

Personally I am glad that you are thinking about ending your relationship. The grass isnt always as green once you take that firt step to cross the line.

Just hope you can get yourself together and sort this hiccup out before any more damage is caused.

I maent the realtionship with your lover ending an NOT your realtionship with your DH.

DS - That is probably the best thing you can do!
If this man is seriou sabout you then this will perhaps give him the kick up the backside to finish with his GF. Then once you are both single you can always reconcile!

Be strong and stick to your decision.... no matter what he "says" he will do for you. Actions speak much louder!

yes QF. They do. Thank you. And sorry

DS - just because your not in love with your husband doesnt mean you have to jump straight into someone else's arms!! it may seem scary but maybe you should get rid of this man and leave your husband and have some 'you' time with your kids, give yourself at least a few months of time out with no men to worry over just you and your kids - it will then give you and your husband time to talk and sort out where you go from there without the added stress of a 3rd party involved. xx

DS did you send the email?

Was thinking about you last night and the predicament you have put yourself in. Just hope you can get yourself sorted and that you can reconcile with your DH and find the happiness you are so obviously seeking.