Masturbating wife

[SomeGuy]

My wife used to like regular (at least daily) sex (before we were married and had children, who are 6 and nearly 2). In the last few years not so often.

Anyway, I have bought her a few vibrators over the years. Sometimes she uses them after sex, I think she needs more clitoral stimulation than she otherwise gets (sometimes we have oral sex first instead).

I work on computer from home and tend to work most at night (after midnight) because there are fewer distractions. Anyway, last week came back from a long walk with family. She told me she was going to bed. Her phone went off so I brought it to her, she had got her vibrator out and was about to masturbate. I asked her what she was doing, anyway she wasn't keen to have sex, but eventually said told me to go and have a shower and then come back and have sex. I did so and came back, she said she was finished already and was only joking about sex after shower, and in any case we had sex only yesterday, and she was premenstrual and just wanted to use the vibrator to make her go to sleep. I got in a mood and left and worked till about 4am. The next morning she seemed to ignore the fact I was still trying to sleep, waking me up by leaving the bedroom door open. I made a point of ignoring her for several days.

Eventually we went away for the weekend on Friday, came back yesterday night on better speaking terms (we haven't actually discussed any of the aforementioned).

This afternoon, she told me she was tired, I said 'yes me too'. Her response to this obvious hint that we should go to bed, was to tell me she was going to bed, and not to forget to pick up our son from school. When I went in to our room later, she was asleep with vibrator under her pillow.

I didn't indicate that I'd noticed, but told her that I wasn't going to cook the dinner (she'd asked me to cook before she went to bed), and she's noticed that I'm in a bad mood with her. I don't object to her having a low sex drive (although obviously it would be better for us if she didn't), but I don't think it's reasonable to eschew sex with me for masturbation. Am I being unreasonable?

catinthehat1 Does middle-aged to elderly man also smoke doobies in Amsterdam?

Well yes I did go to Cambridge, and am pretty good with words, though not so good at communicating with people perhaps.

Still haven't decided whether to discuss it with my wife or just to move on and try for more/better sex as it happens.

I would move on. From this thread, at the very least.

catinthehat1 Does middle-aged to elderly man also smoke doobies in Amsterdam?

Probably.

I remember the Vietnam veteran I met in a bar in Cambodia. He'd apparently spent the previous 30 years constantly stoned, saying 'Man' a lot, and generally living a stereotype.

Hilarious

Are you for real?

After all the advice here, when 99% of us are saying the same thing, i.e. a talk to your wife you say you might or just wait and see what happens?

What will happen is more of the same, or worse.

Please say you are a troll, and not just a very slow learner/poor listener.

You don't sound like you've taken anything useful on board here- are you listening or is it easier to give up and wait for the afore-mentioned sex-fairy?

Someguy_ so instead of talking to her, you're just going to 'try for more/better sex'? Can you not get your head round the concept that you are doing the opposite what she wants, which is why she is losing interest in sex with you? The more you poke her with things and shove porn at her (without once asking her what SHE might like), the more offputting you become.

has anyone confessed to being "someguy" yet?

Hell, I want to know who nabbed MasturbatingWife [drat]

?

Tayke thyself leff serioufly oh OP, and for holy gawds sayke stoppe sulking lyke a farking berk, for fulking is a verry uglie perfonality trait and deftined to tayke you sheer close to the divorsh courts

BoF, is that you?

Onemorenomore - hang on which post is this? I am confused

Sadly it's not me, but it is fucking genius- I salute you!

DH, is that you?

pmsl

god you are all such nasty bints

it's plain what's up but you don't want to help (actually why would you -- he's a man) and it's nothing but abuse and fgs and twat and wanker and snort and piss off

and oh my god he can't be for real because he knows a word I had to look up

ugh

' bought some Viagra - I've got no problems in that department (I'm young) - but thought it would be interesting to try and shag all night. She wasn't keen. It had an effect on me, but she's not ever since said - 'Take some more, let's fuck all night''

OOh I grew out of all night sessions when I realised there is more to sex than being sore

boredwithmyoldname Au contraire, I have tried to help in a very reasoned way, along with many other people.

I think he is a troll

OP, sorry if you are not

the abuse started before he started putting his foot in it even more

it's clear he's pretty hopeless and clueless and his relationship could actually benefit from some kindly meant advice

yes people said talk to her but it was mostly "talk to her you stupid twat she's not doing anything wrong and you're a wanker"

his attitude to women obviously skewed and i can't imagine this thread is going to change that

Those of you who have said that we are being unsympathetic to this poster just because he is a man miss the fact that we aren't responding to his natural sense of hurt and frustration at a seeming exclusion from his wife's sexuality. We are responding to the peevishness, the lack of empathy, the manipulative sulking.

All of which must put pressure on his wife and bleed away the possibility that sex might be genuinely for her pleasure and not for his (and that her pleasure be seen as valuable for her and not just a means to her husband feeling better).

He doesn't know or seem to care that his wife might be dying inside every time she has sex to get him off her back (so to speak).

She has already tried to talk to him (he said she came into the computer room) and he told her to go. Says it all really - he doesn't want to talk to her just screw her!

not just for his