Hi CT10, so pleased to hear that things are much better for you and DH. I think you are so right, actions speak louder than words. I think women get good at reading those once you've had your eyes opened.
My DC are gorgeous though. I cant believe they're mine. All mine. I feel so lucky and H is such an idiot as he's done something terrible to his family that he can never ever rectify. It's a true measure of his charactor and I dont think he'll ever recover from it. He gets angry as he can see it in the way I look at him and talk to him now. (tough)
I do read back sometimes, I see the first post I wrote, as it's often at the top when I flip the thread. I cant ever see myself being that woman again. I feel so different now. I realise that the DC and especially I - given that I am the mum, the kind of planet in the centre holding it all together for the DC - should have been coming first all along. I'm determined to live that way from now on. I dont know why I let someone as selfish as H muscle his way in to make us all revolve around him.
I think when you have DC, you naturally step to the side of your life and you're vulnerable to someone else pushing their way in as well. That's fine if they are a team player and they put you in the centre of their world. But H never did and I think I knew that. These are all the things they dont tell you about having children, you tie yourself in. I used to say to H, I wanted a more modern marriage and didnt know how we'd ended up where we did.
I'm trying to capture some of that independence and feistiness I had before I married H. And that sixth sense I used to listen to. I dont know if I mentioned it in a previous post, but when I started dating H, I had just had a severe car accident and was very fragile at the time and he looked after me - a kind of life rebound. I realise now that I read more into his character because of it than there turned out to be and it had changed the first impressions I had of him (too shallow, not the marrying kind, have an affair only. I used to call him a "wide boy" and joke with him (we were friends for 7 years before we dated), that he would never be my type). He asked me to marry him on our first date and asked me every few months for the 5 years we dated before we married.
Even until the end I believed he was more. Until all his behaviour afterwards started ringing alarm bells at things he'd said and done beforehand. It was like my eyes were opened and I cannot see him the same way ever again. I keep saying he had amazing piece of luck to have married me and he couldnt keep it up. But he did well to do it for 9 years. His dad died at 59, lung cancer and heart disease, and H smokes like a chimney too and works stupid hours. So I wont have to look after him when he gets ill. I'll let OW or whoever is around that time, if they stay around, do that!!! The DC and I are free....
Do I sound arrogant? I'm just starting to appreciate me and how kind I am naturally, and think i deserve the same back. And so do the DC. Sorry, posting a bit of a therapy session. It's where I am now. I have my ups and downs on the practicalities. He's still bullying on getting everything how he wants it, but really I'm separating myself out now and saying, nope that doesnt work for the DC and I, and we are more important. HAH!
PS Australian is nice. Also have lovely Navy guy (brother of friend) who adores me and we're great friends! Enjoying the attention, but being very good. (Except of course with the Australian - with whom I'm being deliciously naughty!!)