OMG I dont believe this - I'M the other woman [angry]

[TwuckingFunt]

Well that's it really. Just found out via facebook of all places, that my lovely, caring, generous, gorgeous (d)p of nearly a year is living with somebody

Don't want to go into too much detail about how I found out just in case his poor gf is an MNer. I am a regular btw but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I have just been physically sick and really can't believe it. It's like a nightmare, I want to kill him.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to her?

I know you will probably ask how I didnt notice anything but I really didnt. He lives about 60 miles away but works around the corner from me and because of my DC, it was always easier for me if he came here instead of traipsing all the way up to his. He used to stay at mine a few times a week, we had weekends away together, he would ring me from home, text me all the time, spend weekends shopping, cinema etc. with me.

I feel so stupid, betrayed, hurt and angry. Please don't flame me, I feel bad enough as it is, I can honestly say there were no major warning signs. Because of my abusive, cheating XP, I'm quite an insecure person anyway so any niggling little doubts were always pushed to the back of my mind because I thought it was just my insecurities

Anyway, just wanted to write it all down. I have to try and keep it together for the DC but inside I'm destroyed

You are doing so well - and as someone who has been the wife it is good to see that there are people out there who do have some morals.

I must admit i would have wanted to know - but it is early days and you must look after yourself now, if the gf does contact you at any stage just be as honest as you can - she will be grateful - if not at first.

Stay strong you are brilliant.

Sorry all, had a bad night last night. Dropped DC off with relatives for the weekend and came home to an empty house which was awful

I had a nice bath with a bottle of wine and was in bed for about 9pm.

I should've been away now, he has did text me last night to remind me of this , which was ignored. But made me feel 1000 times worse.

So anyway, today I went and spent the rent money some hard earned cash on an ipod. I thought it was about time I treat myself to something and also hopefully it will take my mind off him. It's hard when I'm not at work and don't have DC here to keep me occupied .

My house looks like a bomb has gone off and I've ordered takeaway again because I don't have the energy to even make a sandwich.

Tomorrow is another day though and I'm determined to wake up all refreshed and spend the day making my house look all lovely again. Hopefully that will make me feel better.

What an arsehole, reminding you of your planned weekend! That makes me really on your behalf.

Don't worry too much about your house and eating rubbish for the moment. You've had a rotten time, and deserve to have a bit of a wallow. And you deserve a treat as well! Now get on Itunes and download some funny, free podcasts to give yourself a laugh. A very useful distraction, especially for while you are doing boring cleaning tasks.

It's very Scarlett O'Hara of you to say 'Tomorrow is another day'! She was a tough cookie, and so are you. Hang in there.

Dear TF

Just wanted to say how strong you are being. You are worth far more than this idiot, keep strong and don't give in. My ex DP/fiance of 13 years cheated on me 4 months before our wedding so in a sense I have been on the other side. But either way it is the most painful thing in the world and you are behaving in such a dignified manner and you should be very proud.

x

I can feel myself getting stronger by the day and the urge to text him all the time is decreasing daily too. (although still there at certain times!).

Lauragas, so sorry you had to go through that . This is killing me after just a year together, I cant imagine how you must have felt after 13 years and just before your wedding too.

In a way I'm pleased I found out when I did as who knows how long he would've carried this on for

He's using a low form of emotional blackmail on you, by constantly reminding you of what was, and intruding on your work life like that. He's insisting that you don't put him out of your mind, which since you told him it's over, and considering what he did, is really shitty and manipulative. If I were in your shoes I think (can't say for sure of course) I'd email the gf, attaching pics of us together if possible, block his number, and send one last email telling him that he is not to contact you at work, and if he does, you will inform the police that he is harassing you.
Of course that's just the way I see it from not being in the situation...by the way, sorry this has happened. He's a liar and can never be your friend. Freinds with exes rarely works when the breakup was amicable, in your case, no chance. Stay strong.

TwunkingFunk why don't you change your sim card and get a new mobile number. I know it may be a bit of a pain letting other people know your new number but at least it would stop this man having such ready access to you.

It can be very hard to have the discipline to ignore or delete texts but if he didn't have your number at all he couldn't send any could he?

TF, just popping on to say that I've been thinking of you. From what I can read, you're doing great, although I know it's not been easy.

I can't believe how manipulative this guy is - - does he think you're stupid? Does he really think you're going to say "Oh honey, I know you've been sleeping with another woman and lying to me for a year, but you've sent me flowers and cried and said you're sorry, so yes, I'll take you back! My children need a role model like you in their lives and I know you've learnt your lesson and will never lie to me again." Good God ...

Don't think for a moment that you won't find someone else to share your life with. If this guy is chasing you so hard, it just proves that you have the looks and personality that people find attractive, so let's hope the next person to take you out actually deserves the pleasure of your company.

I agree with those posters who say that the GF is not your responsibility right now - getting over this and looking after yourself (and your DC) should be all you're thinking about. I do think she deserves to know, especially as I am a previously-cheated-on-ex-wife, but you'll get around to that when the time is right for YOU.

Sending you a virtual hug, and I hope you're getting plenty of RL ones.

TF I have just seen this post and wanted to say how and I am for you. What a complete arse!
I agree with Gunnerbean about getting a new sim so he can't keep texting you - and you should delete his number too so you can't contact him in a moment of weakness.
What are you going to do this weekend? Can you spend it with friends? Can you afford a spa treat? Being home alone will not help
I agree in theory to telling the ow BUT can't honestly say I would - it is tricky and could have repercussions. Maybe an anonymous note via FB (using a pseudonym)
Also please please tell you family - it will help strengthen your resolve!
Good luck!

Morning all.

Yes, I could get a new SIM meaning he couldn't contact me at all but tbh his texts are now starting to piss me off. The text the other night about this weekend away was worded as if it was my fault that we werent going

I'm hoping that he'll carry on texting me like that so that I'll end up so pissed off with him that I won't be upset any more - then I'll change my number. Does that make sense?

I wish I could afford a spa break, I spent the last of my pennies on an ipod but boy it was worth it! Where does the time go when you're browsing itunes?!

I'm up and showered this morning and just about to start putting this house back into order. That will keep my mind off things for most of the day hopefully.

I'll check back in later x

If you need to feel pissed off enough, just remember the flowers:

'Truly sorry xx'

Not truly sorry he did it - just that he got caught!

Hope you're feeling better soon TF

TF if his texts are working towards making you see him for the complete and utter twat and waste of space he really is then that's definitely something positive.

I only meant it would be a good idea to change your number if his texts were making you feel in any way vulnerable and weak.

Keep up the good work!

TF why should you change your no?
you can always get your mobile co to do this for you if you can't block on your phone
i do understand where you're coming from with seeing the texts tho in a sense

Sorry I haven't been around for a couple of days, one of my good friends insisted I go and stay with her for a couple of days rather than be on my own at Easter.

So I've just driven the 200 miles home this morning!

I've told my friend everything, we chatted for hours and Saturday night and her DH was also there. They were astounded to what XP had done (he'd also been down to stay with them last time I went). There are still a lot of things which don't add up but I don't suppose I'll ever get the answers I want.

He text me yesterday asking if he could call around and drop easter eggs off for me and the DC . I replied saying that the DC were with relatives this weekend and that I was away. He asked where I was and who I was with - which I ignored.

So now I'm just waiting for my DC to come home. I'm so pleased I went away, I think I would've gone stir-crazy sat in on my own all weekend.

Asbm, I agree. I have had the same mobile number for 10 years. I don't see why I should have to change it for him! If he does start harrassing me then I will have him blocked but for now I'm letting him piss me off as much as possible as it's all adding to the hatred building up inside of me

Just need to get rid of the feelings of love I have for him now - but hopefully the hatred will take over soon enough!

TF, so glad your friend suggested that you come visit, sounds like it was exactly what you needed.

Am very surprised that he had the gall to suggest visiting you and your children. I think you may need to state plainly that he is not welcome to visit you at Easter or at any time, otherwise he will continue to pester and may even turn up unannounced.

TF - I have just read all of this thread, reading it all at once, you can see how strong you are getting

I really, really hope he keeps pissing you off, it's the best way through the crap.

It is so hard when they have been loving, fun, kind, generous etc and then you get side swiped by something you'd like to ignore (so it can go back to it's previous perfection), you know you can't ignore it.... but you so want to.

So, I'm here to remind you that he's an asshole, wanker, jerk, twat, fuckwit, dickhead, bastard.... hope that's enough to see you through today

You have been strong and will need to stay strong... I know you can do it x

TF glad you got away for easter and were able to spill the whole story to your friends who sound great btw.
personally i wouldn't even answer one single text even if all you're sending in it is a fuck off response
any reply at all from you regardless of what's said will be taken as a plus in his eyes
and he'll think oh TF is just a bit pissed off but when she's calmed down i'll be able to worm my way back in

TF glad you went away and had some time with your friend. I second what aserioudblonde said. ignoring him is the best thing you can ever do.

You said he was your best friend - no real friend would live a secret life for a year!

You have been so strong and have done the right thing.

I know that no real friend would lead a secret life and lie to me for a year.

It's the man he was that I'm still in love with. Not the man that he is. I'm not even sure that makes any sense at all but I honestly thought he was my perfect man. It's like 2 separate people. My lovely DP has gone forever and a lying cheating arsehole has appeared in his place.

A few weeks ago we were looking at houses to buy together! We even had an initial consultation with a mortgage advisor! I mean, how on earth was he going to carry that one off?!

I am ignoring him in the main, there are only certain texts I will respond to. And I am responding in a 'cold' way IYSWIM - yes or no type answers. He will get bored soon enough and leave me alone anyway, I know he will.

My DC are back now and we've had a lovely night of DVD's and chocolate eggs - that's what I need to concentrate on, DC and myself

He probably does love you in his own way. Men seem to have a way of explaining these things to themselves so as to make it 'right' in their own minds. Maybe he really DID think it was over with her, but I'd bet she would tell another story.

It is so sad that he has hurt you like this but don't think he was doing it maliciously. I'm sure the good times were good for him too. Remember them as that, but make sure to remember that he DID decieve you, whether he meant it nastily or not. The deceit is the unforgiveable thing IMO.

Oh my goodness. Have just read this thread from start to finish.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. It must feel like a bereavement in that you have lost your best friend and partner but now you realise, as you said, that they never existed in the first place.

You are incredibly strong - you might not feel it, but read this thread from beginning to end in one go and you will realise how strong you have been.

I'm afraid I would be refusing to answer all texts from him. If you only answer some, he will continue to send lots knowing that you will answer some. That said, if doing it gradually is easier for you, then you know what you need right now.

Take care.