OMG I dont believe this - I'M the other woman [angry]

[TwuckingFunt]

Well that's it really. Just found out via facebook of all places, that my lovely, caring, generous, gorgeous (d)p of nearly a year is living with somebody

Don't want to go into too much detail about how I found out just in case his poor gf is an MNer. I am a regular btw but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I have just been physically sick and really can't believe it. It's like a nightmare, I want to kill him.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to her?

I know you will probably ask how I didnt notice anything but I really didnt. He lives about 60 miles away but works around the corner from me and because of my DC, it was always easier for me if he came here instead of traipsing all the way up to his. He used to stay at mine a few times a week, we had weekends away together, he would ring me from home, text me all the time, spend weekends shopping, cinema etc. with me.

I feel so stupid, betrayed, hurt and angry. Please don't flame me, I feel bad enough as it is, I can honestly say there were no major warning signs. Because of my abusive, cheating XP, I'm quite an insecure person anyway so any niggling little doubts were always pushed to the back of my mind because I thought it was just my insecurities

Anyway, just wanted to write it all down. I have to try and keep it together for the DC but inside I'm destroyed

In a way I wish I hadnt snooped now, although I know I'm better off knowing, my life was so perfect until this

He's either with her, or trying to think of a lie.

You could always text again and say that since you're not coming up with anything, I'm going to contact this X and ask her. (I'm assuming you can contact through facebook?)

(a bluff of course, but he's not to know that - see what he has to say then!)

Really sorry I would however send the other woman some sort of question/message so she is aware of what 2 timing B he really is.

I'd want to know, but from what I've read on here, most people think living in ignorance and therefore living a lie is preferable to finding out that your partner is a cheat. You shouldn't TELL someone that they are being decieved, you should let them find out on their own. How exactly? Let them torture themselves with suspicions that the guilty party denies until they finally find something incriminating and then get told it was only the once and it meant nothing? I dunno, I just think being made a fool of is awful. having a man come home to you, look you in the eye and claim love for you while all the time he is cheating on you, and you don't know, but he sits there with you and knows what he's doing and doesn't care. Awful.

Why not offer to go around his place to sort it all out...

Asshole.

I didn't realise you could see people's photos before they had accepted you.

What a bastard. You should certainly put the wind up him while you decide what to do. Tell him you are composing a message to her right now. Maybe he will be forced into confessing to her.

If it was me I would definitely want to know. Mind you if he is stupid enough to have a facebook account and deny it to one gf he is stupid enough to let her catch him as well.

You poor thing. I do think she should know too and would have few qualms telling her if I were in your situation.

[Here's a day pass to The Sanctuary, really spoil yourself]

What an arsehole he is!

Have you heard back from him yet?

Sorry, was sorting DC out.

He has text back admitting that she is his gf, that they live together but that it is not all as it seems and that he needs to talk to me. He said how sorry he was that I had to find out like this and that he had wanted to tell me but the longer it went on the harder it got

I haven't replied. I've been sick again and I cant stop crying

He's tried ringing me after saying all that in text but I've diverted him. I don't even want to hear his pathetic lying voice

and on your behalf. Have you got a friend you can call to come around and give you some support.

oh please, she's his girlfriend, they live together but....

she doesn't understand me
it's only cos we can't afford to split
things haven't been right for a while
she'll kill herself if i go
she's got someone else too
i don't love her anymore but i don't want to hurt her
she's unstable
i didn't know what true love was until i met you

have I missed any?

what a twat.

oh so she "doesn't understand" him then or they sleep in separate rooms.

You deserve better. He deserves to be alone. Tell his other gf and let him suffer the consequences of his lies.

I hope you are ok.

you poor love, i am so sorry that yuo have had to find this out. No wonder you are in a state. What a fucked up man he is, what a low life.

I am so that you have had to go thru this. What a complete twat. He is a liar and a cheat.

I've switched my fone off, I need to get my round this before I have it out with him.

He has my work mobile which I left in his car yesterday and he was going to drop it round tomorrow night as I need it for Monday morning. So I'm going to have to see him at some point tomorrow to get it back.

I know he will start with all the 'she doesnt understand me' bullshit and that's 1 of the reasons I don't want to speak to him. I'm not strong enough tonight.

There's nobody here except me and the DC, they are upset because I'm upset but I havent told them what's happened. Shit, what do I tell them?

Fucking twat, why oh why did he do this to me? I thought he really loved me

If he has phone dfrom home, do you have his home number? I totally agree about telling the GF. I would want to know. And I have in the past - when I found out an x already had a gf I contacted her and we faced him together. TWAT!!!! And after my recent experiences with a lying cheating (X)H I would def want to know as I'm sure you would..

But, hope you get over him vvvv soon - he's not worth you or your dcs. TWUNT!!! You take care and hope you're ok.

I really want to tell his gf but then I keep thinking I should calm down first and think about it.

Do I really want to completely ruin somebody else's life? I agree that she ought to know what a lying cheat he is but not sure I could live with myself doing that sort of damage to her life

Oh I really don't know, I don't know what to do. I just want to wake up and this all to have been a horrible, horrible nightmare

Is there anyone he could hand the phone off to so you don't have to see him tomorrow? Have you got a friend that would be willing to meet him somewhere?

I just hate the idea of you having to face him if you don't feel ready for it. Perhaps you could say you'll meet him elsewhere because you don't want to have this discussion in front of your children? And the friend could go instead?

Thanks Ruby, I will hear him out. I want, need answers.

I have so many questions going round in my head and thinking what the answers could be is probably worse than knowing what the answers are IYGWIM.

I really don't understand how he got away with it for so long though. Phone Bills? Credit Card Statements? Going home stinking of perfume (i wear a lot!)? Texting all the time? Staying out all night? Going away for weekends?

Can I just say, that I like your atitude, to immediately feel sympathy for his poor girlfriend too. Good on you. You deserve better.

Aw, am so sorry this has happened. At least he realised that there was no way he was going to get away with this, kidding on he didn't know who you were talking about, effing cheek of him!!

You need to try and get a hold of yourself and get the kids into bed. Don't do anything rash like going on facebook to email his gf or anything without being calm and rational about it. You need to get your head together to allow this to even begin to sink in. You are still in shock and what you need right now is time to process the million of thoughts going thru your head

Deep breaths.

Am angry on your behalf, can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now.

I'm not going to do anything tonight.

My phone is switched off and won't be switched back on tonight. Although I have a feeling that he might just turn up at my door!

I don't even know what to say to him, I want to listen to his answers, his explanations but at the same time, I dont want him to be able to 'talk me round' so to speak.

I don't know if I can do it, how do I find the strenght to do this?

I know he's a lying cheating twunt but I also still love him. How do I stop that? this is awful, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy

Heya,

So sorry you're going through this but one thing you've said re: g/f has struck a chord with me - YOU have not done anything to ruin her life - HE has. If it was me, I'd want to know - I'm sure you would too..

Stay strong tomorrow - you're worth more - you deserve better - he's lied for a solid year so it is safe to assume he's very good at it and you really can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth again.

x

Whether she can overlook it or not, without the story straight from you, the decision is out of her hands.

Sorry to hear this