OMG I dont believe this - I'M the other woman [angry]

[TwuckingFunt]

Well that's it really. Just found out via facebook of all places, that my lovely, caring, generous, gorgeous (d)p of nearly a year is living with somebody

Don't want to go into too much detail about how I found out just in case his poor gf is an MNer. I am a regular btw but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I have just been physically sick and really can't believe it. It's like a nightmare, I want to kill him.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to her?

I know you will probably ask how I didnt notice anything but I really didnt. He lives about 60 miles away but works around the corner from me and because of my DC, it was always easier for me if he came here instead of traipsing all the way up to his. He used to stay at mine a few times a week, we had weekends away together, he would ring me from home, text me all the time, spend weekends shopping, cinema etc. with me.

I feel so stupid, betrayed, hurt and angry. Please don't flame me, I feel bad enough as it is, I can honestly say there were no major warning signs. Because of my abusive, cheating XP, I'm quite an insecure person anyway so any niggling little doubts were always pushed to the back of my mind because I thought it was just my insecurities

Anyway, just wanted to write it all down. I have to try and keep it together for the DC but inside I'm destroyed

KEK, that's a good idea about the flowers.

Infact I may just go tomorrow lunchtime and put them on my lovely Dad's grave. The only man who never ever lied to me or hit me or treat me like shit

i've been lurking on this thread, and just want to say that you have handled it bloody brilliantly. well done you

fuzzypeach, that's what I think too.

See, part of me thinks maybe he was telling the truth to some degree and that their relationship is over? Maybe they sleep in separate rooms which is how he got to ring me from bed? Or maybe she even knows about me! He never once asked me not to tell her or anything like that.

But even so, he lied and lied and lied, it's that which hurts the most.

Thanks custy

Doesn't matter that he didn't ask you not to tell her. He didn't say He would either, so I am guessing he has no intention of doing so.

you're handling it brilliantly and it is going to hurt, but you are so much better off without him.

just wanted to add my support to TF, you are doing great so far, don't let him get to you now, he is a total waste of space.

with regard to his resident girlfriend, i would let her know. I would have wanted to know what the man i was living with was up to, even if i'd been protecting my heart by trying to ignore signs/those warning little voices in my head. Its awful, painful and excruciating to find out you are living with a cheat. But worse to find out other people knew and let you carry on living a unreal life, loving someone who was betraying you. its NOT your fault this has happened, or really your responsibility to tell her, but i think its the kindest thing to do in the long run so maybe she can boot him out and find someone decent too further down the line. She might not believe you at first, she'll be in shock too, but if you can tie up times and dates together you'll both find the strength to give him the shove, hopefully.

And you wouldn't be doing it in a "ha ha i've got your man now" way, (let me tell you THAT is bad!) But in a, "you deserve to know, and deserve better than to be lied to" way. In a strange way, feeling that someone, (even the OW who has just chucked a bomb into your life) feels you deserve that respect as a human being to be given the right to make a full and honest decision about the man in your life, helps you feel that you DO deserve respect and a better life.

Good luck, be strong, don't let him weasel back in. YOu have a lovely kind heart, don't let him take advantage. Talk to your GP about the situation re your AD's, and the stress you are under, they can be helpful and might be able to get you some counselling? Wishing you a peaceful night.

Thought it might be my twat till you said you had been to hotels for meals out and been sent flowers

Mine is far too tight what with CSA and everything he buys for his car, couldn't afford another woman lol

Tell her!!

And i am so sorry for you...if you had known i am sure you wouldn't have got involved, now you are, your heart is broken, even though he's a lying cheating shit.. You fell in love with a lie, so now you are greiving the relationship that was, and should have been.
So sorry love Kick his balls up and phone or email the OW xx

grieving

I can spell, honest

Feel for you.
You sound very strong to me, and seem to be handling this brilliantly. Of course you're upset, but who wouldn't be. Doesn't mean you're not strong.
And by the way. He didn't get you off ADs. You did that yourself. Well done.
Agree about the flowers. Do not acknowledge them and get them out of the house.ASAP.

Nothing new to add, just checking up on you Twucking!

How'd it go today?

Hello - sorry this has happened to you. What a shit bloke.

I also think that you should tell her - explain that you would never knowingly be the OW.

Hi TF, hope today has been ok.

TF are you out there and ok? been thinking about you today. hope you are bearing up.

Sorry just got online tonight, somehow my laptop lost it's wireless connection

Anyway, today has been ok I think. I got a text from him about lunchtime saying he was worried about me and was I ok. I replied simply saying, yes I'm fine thanks ... he sent one back saying oh good been worried blah blah blah which I havent replied to.

I'm still hurting and I'm still upset but I just keep thinking that every day like this is another step closer to coming out the other side. That works in theory but whether it works in practice or not I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Told some of my colleagues at work today and had a wee cry with them at lunchtime. They've all been lovely and very supportive, which I'm pleased about as I was a bit worried about telling RL people IYGWIM.

Oh the DC also know that we've split up. I spared them the details and they were a little upset but a new Wii game soon changed their outlook

If only it was easy to make myself happy again!

One day at a time. Glad you've got some RL people to talk it over with and give you support.

Even though I know it's not my fault, I still feel ashamed/guilty when telling people. The few at work I told are those whom I would also call friends.

I don't think I can bring myself to tell my family the truth yet, I know that's silly but I'm worried what they'll think tbh.

I've been wanting to text him all night. Even just to call him a twunt or a tosser or whatever. I miss the smile that his texts used to bring whenever my phone lit up .

As another poster suggested, I have been texting him but saving to drafts rather than sending. Will read them all back in a couple of days and hopefully be pleased that I didnt actually lower myself enough to send them.

This is so hard

for what its worth I think you are being amazingly strong about all this. I would be in a gin sodden heap if it was me.

Thanks mrsboogie, I don't feel strong though.

Infact if it wasn't for MN and my DC, I would be in a gin sodden heap

I come onto here everyday and read the posts telling me he's a wanker, an arse etc and that I'm better off without them. I need to keep reading these so that hopefully it will sink in to my heart sometime soon - even though my head already knows this.

Those posts and seeing my DC everyday are what's keeping me going

without him

so long as you are acting strong you are being strong, irrespective of how you feel inside IYKWIM

MN is a fooking lifesaver!

TF, in all this time, did he ever tell you his address?

If he did, I would fetch up and tell his GF what the score is; if he didn't, and I'm not trying say I told you so, but a large rat should have been making its presence felt earlier. Did you ever meet his friends?

None of this alters what you need to do vis a vis this treacherous weasel, but if the answers are no and no, then its further fuel for your determination to kick the fecker to the kerb.

That should be "it's".

Hi I've read all your posts and he is an arse hole...

You seem strong when he is not contacting you but it all goes with a text from him. You can call your phone company and ask them to block all taxts and calls from his number.

I'm sure it will get easier, my exp cheated on me and it took me a while to decide that all his lies were actually lies, but while I was in the process of deciding that we were living together but not sleeping together. But I'm sure he was seeing other people in that time while telling me he loves me and wants to marry me.

Whatever his relationship is like it does not give him the right to treat both you and his gf like shit. And lead a double life...

Dont spend any more time on him. I know its hard but stay strong, he is a looser... xxxx