OMG I dont believe this - I'M the other woman [angry]

[TwuckingFunt]

Well that's it really. Just found out via facebook of all places, that my lovely, caring, generous, gorgeous (d)p of nearly a year is living with somebody

Don't want to go into too much detail about how I found out just in case his poor gf is an MNer. I am a regular btw but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I have just been physically sick and really can't believe it. It's like a nightmare, I want to kill him.

How could he do this to me? How could he do this to her?

I know you will probably ask how I didnt notice anything but I really didnt. He lives about 60 miles away but works around the corner from me and because of my DC, it was always easier for me if he came here instead of traipsing all the way up to his. He used to stay at mine a few times a week, we had weekends away together, he would ring me from home, text me all the time, spend weekends shopping, cinema etc. with me.

I feel so stupid, betrayed, hurt and angry. Please don't flame me, I feel bad enough as it is, I can honestly say there were no major warning signs. Because of my abusive, cheating XP, I'm quite an insecure person anyway so any niggling little doubts were always pushed to the back of my mind because I thought it was just my insecurities

Anyway, just wanted to write it all down. I have to try and keep it together for the DC but inside I'm destroyed

Tell him you'll consider seeing him again 6 months after he's left his gf.

oh this is truely horrid - saving grace at least he had the decency not to coninue with the lies (many do)

what a totally stuipid man to lose someone as precious as you through being a complete plankton animal,silly stupid man for casuing you so much grief.

noddy, there a few different reasons why he hasnt left her, none of which I can really go into on here without outing myself or her.

Do I really want to be friends with him after this though? He was/is my best mate, and we get on so well that I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without him in my life. But is it feasible to go from being so close and intimate together to just friends? Would that work?

I know I couldn't have him and his gf round or even meet up with them. I'd feel too guilty about what's gone on

What a mess, and to think that this time last week I was the happiest woman on the planet, sipping champagne with the man of my dreams in a lovely hotel in the countryside. And here I am, exactly a week later, a sobbing single wreck

Going to sort DC out for bed. I'll be back in a bit

ok I hope you reach a resolution If he can't leave her you can't be friends as you love him sorry

I just wanted to say I think you handled this situation brilliantly.

I'm so sorry, it is shit.

What's more shit is he bleated on about being 'friends' with you and not realising the fact that if she wasn't meant to be his gf, now would be the time to end that relationship.

He has been a twat. You have been brilliant.

I think you need to tell her. Because he has cheated on her once (with you), he will cheat on her again. And I presume that he has the kind of job which can take him away from home overnight/for weekends which probably is why she's never figured it out before.

"he can't leave her" bullshit. No-one is forced to stay in a relationship. No-one. The only reason he can't leave her is because he doesn't want to. Don't kid yourself that he's telling you the truth about that. He's lied to you convincingly for the past year, and he will continue to do so again for as long as you'll let him.

He's not your best friend. Sorry, he isn't. Friends don't do that to each other. They respect each other and consider each other. The only person he's considered in all this is himself.

And I hate to have to say this, but you need to go and get yourself checked. And that is also why his gf needs to know so she can get herself checked as well. If he's been sleeping with you for the past year he might have been sleeping with any number of other women.

You deserve better.

Delete his number, and walk away with your head held high.

Can I just add....A YEAR! He had an entire YEAR to do something about this! Not just a few weeks, not a few months, a YEAR!

Can you really even believe these supposed reasons he just can't possibly leave her? Why should you take his word for it? He's quite an accomplished liar/manipulator!

No, it isn't possible in this case to be friends. He is NOT your friend, and he never has been.

Sorry, I forgot to say well done for the way you handled yourself!

Also, did he also give a lot of reasons as to why you shouldn't contact his partner? Is she 'too fragile'? Probably making a load of shit up to cover his tracks with her.

He sounds like a weak man to me, is that what you want.

He drifted into a relationship with a "mate", then rather than tell her it isnt working just finds someone else - his subterfuge on your birthday seems to indicate he is an accomplished liar.

OK so just say he comes back tomorrow, hes grown a backbone and ended it with his mate is this really the kind of man you want? Could you trust him to communicate with you if/when your relationship hits a bump?

I really dont think you can be friends, hopefully you will realise you deserve better than this (I know its hard)

I've been in this EXACT situation, almost word for word (freaking me out tbh)

If you try to stay friends, he will try to worm his way back in and the hurt just lingers. I had to cut mine out of my life totally. Hurt like hell but I deserved better and so did his partner

If he can lie like that for 12 months, imagine what else he can lie about?!

Walk away with you head held high and do not look back

He's feeding you a huge load of bollocks. I hope you don't believe him. He's going to say anything he thinks will get you to carry on seeing him. Only from this point on, you'd be doing it knowing you were the other woman. Judging by your posts so far, you are much to decent a person to be part of something like that. Stay strong. xx

So sorry you are suffering this way. If he loves you he will leave her. If he doesn't then thank god you found out now before you made any further commitment to him. A year is a long time for him to deceive you. He must have been very clever and calculating to keep it going for so long. I would have needed to see his place etc after a few weeks.

I didn't realise that you could view photos on face book without being added as a friend in the first place. Is that just on my settings?

"there a few different reasons why he hasnt left her", that's what he's told you. Do you trust him. Are they permanent reasons which won't change or temporary?

I think he's just laying it on thick to try to keep you and her.

I'm with Reality: what a cock.

I've just been lurking because I don't really have any useful advice to offer but wanted to say that I am so impressed at how strong you've been, you are doing really well. No-one should have to put up with that kind of beahviour.

If you have mutual friends on facebook and someone commments on an photo of someone you dont have as a friend you can then access their whole album via one photo...actually one of the things im really not happy about with facebook. Sorry cant think of a less wordy way to explain it

you can change your settings so that doesn't happen ww.

Thanks ladies, your posts are exactly what I need to read/hear.

I'm not a strong person at the best of times and I'm far too soft for my own good!

I do believe some of the things he said but only because I know them as fact (I googled ).

Scaredoflove, wow really? Did you try to remain friends or just cut him out of your life straight away?

I can't get into his facebook profile but I saw the pics because 1 of his friends (whos profile I could see as it was unlocked) had commented on a photo with him in it. When I clicked on the photo, it gave me the option to 'go back to album' - and then they all came up.

I do deserve better, I know I do. And after coming out of the most awful relationship with my violent, cheating XP, I really thought that this was it. I don't have much luck really do I

I came off AD's a few months ago now with the help and support of (D)P, I couldn't have done it without him, and now I have this awful feeling that I'm going to slip back onto that slippery slope.

My heart is breaking for you - my first DH cheated on me and I was the last to find out. I was devastated, as I was completely in love with him - also completely humiliated to find out that a huge number of people were feeling really sorry for me for months - and furious that NO ONE had the guts to tell me. Don't you think his partner has the right to know that her relationship isn't what she thinks it is?

How will you know what's true and what's a lie when he talks to you? And how likely is it that while he's been living with his partner for the whole year he's been seeing you, he's not been having sex with her?

Food for thought. I really hope that you get through this without too much pain.

Im so sorry honey. What an arse. The bottom line is that the man that you are/were in love with isnt real...he never existed. The man you loved was single and devoted to you. You need to be angry with him to get over him. The only person he loves is himself.

You deserve better, you sound lovely x

I half heartedly walked away at first, I listened to his stories of leaving...but it kept getting delayed

It took me a couple of months to cut contact, when I woke up and realised this man would never leave and that he had deceived me and her for such a long time. I realised that if he could keep up a double life, I could never ever trust him

Please don't let him take from you anymore and cut ALL contact

I don't know that he hasnt been sleeping with her aswell all this time. In fact, I'm sure he will have been!

While he was here today, and also in the texts/voicemails he's sent, he never once mentioned me telling her. I've only just realised that, I would've thought he would have been begging me not to say anything! He knows that I know her name and presumably that I have the option to email her because she is also 'tagged' in the photos (although her profile is also locked)

It's strange because yesterday when I found out, I was so angry with him. But today, I just feel very sad. How do I get that anger back? I want to hate him, that would make this all so much easier