I slapped the ow last night and i feel soooo much better!

[ambercat]

thats it really, feel like i have closure now!!

I have to say I am slightly envious of the OP because I often fantasised about slapping the OW but managed to get beyond the stage where it would've been impulsive and then there seemed no excuse as it would have been planned. Also had my integrity and professional status to consider, more's the pity.

I did however, slap h

Oh and no, I don't approve of violence - not by any stretch of the imagination. Yet I don't regret it at all.

Well let's hope she charges you with assault then. Sorry but I don't give a fuck what she did!

Where has the OP indicated that she is any of those things SGB?

I totally agree that violence is not on and you shouldn't go round slapping people but people do behave out of character when they are very stressed and upset and quite possibly that is what happened here?

SGB you can piss right off
I actually trusted my XH I dont have a jealous or suspicious bone in my body - but of course I guess all us poor wronged wives on here must have done something to make them screw around - nasty nasty nasty

I'm sure it was out of character janos. For which she should be forgiven and understood, not congratulated.

I think that not being able to use 'blackboard' is silly too but i think that calling someone a "white trash biatch" is a tad racist.

If you had said "black hiphop biatch" (which would, stereotypically the same) than there would have been outrage on here, in fact the fact there hasn't been makes me quite about MN, because i know full well had it been a slightly racist comment, even if it had been made in the wrong context, that there would have been, at the very least, a few comments.

and then come onto a public forum and tell the world? That's not a spur of the moment, emotional action.

I can understand it, but don't like it.

But, if Ambercat is making a go of things with her DH, she needs someone to take out the lingering hurt I suppose.

Have to say I am also at SGB. Where did all that come from?

Get a punchbag ambercat! Excellent for letting out the hurt and aggression.

Also very good CV workout and muscle toning exercise.

I didn't get the impression she wanted us to congratulate her, just that she felt a sense of release - closure as she described it.

I personally wouldn't start a thread on that topic, I'd probably post it on the relationship thread that I regularly use - but hey, each to their own.

I'm not being congratulatory - I'm saying I understand why she might have done it.

OP, i can totally understand why you did what you did.

But i don't agree with violence.

You have now given OW reason to be the 'victim' in all this, but i hope she doesnt press charges for your moment of anger.

And my response would most likely be the same.

It is the ultimate racist insult to say that a race (white, black, whatever) cannot hear a stereotypical throwaway comment without getting all hurt and offended. Same as Blackboard - it was not seen as bad because black people thought it was bad it was because WHITE people thought Black people might think it was bad. How racist can you get?

Stop being so sensetive, these days instead of bleating "oh you can't say that black people might be upset" (without any effort to find out if they are or not), people are bleating "you can be racist to white people too you know, best watch what you say".

So, in short, no, I do not buy your argument, I do not feel I have done anything wrong and I will not change my view.

That's an interesting comment about OP giving OW a reason to be victim. Maybe that was the point? Having felt disempowered, maybe it felt good to be the aggressor?

ROFL at helena99

just wondering, for all the people saying that the slap was justified because the op was pushed to the point where she snapped.
would you be saying the same if the op was a man who found out his wife was having an affair. saw her out enjoying herself with the other man, and threw a drink over her and slapped her (lets hypothetically say with the exact same force as the op hit the woman in her scenario), would that be ok because he just snapped?
fwiw i think self defence is the only excuse for violence.

solidgoldbrass - I totally disagree with you there.

While I understand how poor behaviour might start the break down of a relationship (obviously), there is still NO EXCUSE at all, ever, for an affair.

I think the concept of "serves you right" is just not fair to put on anyone?s shoulders. We all know that an affair doesn?t just affect the couple and the OW - there are loads and loads of other people who can get seriously hurt in all this. Extended family as well as and children. It also implies that the person going off to have the affair is justified in some way. How can anyone who goes out and betrays another in such a fundamental and life shattering way be justifiable?

If someone is in a relationship that is going wrong, deal with that relationship. Talk, discuss, argue, confront, whatever - just communicate and deal with it one way or another. Don?t ignore the issues and then go out and look for a bit of attention elsewhere.

If people start to believe that it is ok to go out and have an affair, trashing their partner and family, then there is something deeply wrong.

OP I understand your response to this OW and hope that it has brought closure for you. It would be easy to tell you that your behaviour is wrong, shocking, unacceptable etc. but you know that anyway. You know that slapping others is wrong and have already said you haven?t and won?t be doing it again. Exceptional circumstances are situational. I would like to think that I would not slap another person BUT am in the fortunate position of not being in your shoes right now. If my DH betrayed me and the kids I cannot begin to think how it might lead me to "adjust" my moral standing on this topic and hate it think what I could be capable of doing! Sloshing a drink and a small slap is probably a rather minor considering everything.

I don't think many people here are saying it was justified. I don't believe it's as simple as that tbh.

To all the sanctimonious posters have you never thrown anything, slammed a door, screamed at someone during a argument? All undignified and a loss of control and whilst not quite in the same league as violence perhaps you might be able to understand how the OP was feeling.

ambercat I do understand why you did it even if it wasn't logically justified.

Bravo Lemontart. Great post

Of course I have.

But I wouldn't then post a comment with a next to it.

good for you ambercat
no one can say what they would do in that situation unless it actually happens to them
I woukd like to think I wouldn't but I'm pretty sure I'd chuck a drink over someone if they shagged my husband behind my back

I don't blame the OP at all. Anyone who knowingly screws someone's husband or partner deserves, well, some kind of retribution. I would probably have contented myself with throwing a drink in her face and left it at that though.

Where the other party knows the person is married, responsibility for the affair is split equally IMO. It may not be illegal but it is certainly despicable and immoral.

I hate violence and I am the type of person that would not say boo to a goose, but having been in ambercat situation I can totally see why she did it. Yes its not right thing to do, but there is only so much pain and humilation a person can take before you snap. Hope you ok ambercat