A Rant.. My Bloody DP .... AGAIN Grrrrrrrr

[MyDPIsAPainInTheArse]

Ok i have namechanged for this one
Rant snarl thoughts about murder

This is going to sound really pathetic hence the namechange but bear with me please.

This morning i woke up after having a weird dream about a snake (burmese python, i know cos i used to have one when i was with ExP) i picked it up and put it in a carrier bag (odd) took it home, and it broke into the cage outside and ate my son's ferret (i love this ferret)

I woke up assuming weird dream is to do with me being stressed, and mostly stressed about ExP's recently reinstated contact with DS1. He used to be violent.

So i thought nothing of it, obv you have odd dreams when you are stressed, well i do.

Anyway. DP is working on a site not far from me, and phoned to say he had forgotten something. I drove there to take it to him. He then asked what i was dreaming about last night. So, bemused, and assuming i had said 'don't eat my ferret' or something, i told him.
He said then that i had said "Oh thats a big one, can i play with it as well?"
Then asked me who i was dreaming about in a v accusatory way

I have just had a baby and have been bleeding like billyo since i have NEVER thought about cheating on my DP despite the fact that he has on me, and i have forgiven him.
Its something i would just never do. Ok you can't control a dream, but IMO i would prolly have been dreaming about my DP in that case, i find him very attractive, and i admit i have been feeling very... shall we say frustrated.. can not WAIT till the sodding bleeding stops so i can jump him lol sorry TMI

BUT he has really pissed me off. So as well as this he also told me my breath stank of fags (i am a smoker, he is an ex smoker) then went in the back of the car and said to our DS 6 weeks old.. "Hello son, i'm your daddy. The first one."

Grrrrrrrrr
So then when i left he went to give me a kiss and not wanting to subject him to my ashtray gob i sort of gave him the corner of my mouth/side of my cheek to kiss.
He then chucked a wobbly.

So i got back home, and phoned him to ask, why he is always so fucking nasty (there are other things than this) and he flipped out at me asking who i am shagging so i responded by i promised never to do this ..... throwing at him that the reason he gave up smoking was so he could go and meet this woman WHILE I WAS PG and she didn't like smoking so he had given up, told him it was like he was rubbing my nose in his affair every time he crowed about giving up, and that i was pissed off.

He hung up the phone on me after saying 'whatever'.
I'm just so frikken pissed

I seriously want to strangle him.
Over a bloody dream ffs. And just to top it off i must say the only time i HAVE dreamed about sex with anyone it has always been with him cos despite him being a twat of the highest order sometimes, i do love him and find him very attractive

Sorry this has been long.. and daft. Thanks
Rant Over

He sounds like a twat - I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone like that, no matter how gorgeous they were.

that's fucked up.

all of it.

Why are you with this man?

He cheated on you while you were pregnant, clearly doesn't trust you (if he doesn't trust you when you've just given birth to his son and are still recovering he never will) and worst of all he clearly has no respect for you.

This will only get worse.

poor you, it sounds like crossed connections, when baby in bed tonight, talk to him, sit down and snuggle, dont make it into an issue as you'll both get more worked up - good luck, stay calm x

I would also ask why on earth you are with someone like this?.

Your six week old son is the one I actually feel the most sorry for in all this. He deserves far better from both his Mum and Dad. Both of you need to start being more responsible and setting a good example to your son.

wtf

He's a twat

Ditch him and concentrate on you DS's for a while

he sounds vile

your relationship sounds shaky

he has cheated

he does not respect you and thinks you are a cheat

there is no trust

you have a baby to think about

if you can;t discuss a bizaree dream with him without being accused of infidelity there is something so very ,v ery wrong

Tch i was being a chicken before so i may as well out myself. Yes i AM serious..he ripped my ass off about a sodding dream ffs

I really do think the twat suffers from paranoid whatever it is sometimes.

Lol reality you sussed

x-posted

I can't cope with namechanges lol think i may as well stick to one name and hope to god people don't think i have too much of a bizarre life to be true

i thought oyu had split?

Why on earth are you buying into his assumption that you were dreaming about another man (ignoring for a moment here that you cannot be held responsible for your dreams etc), but it's so obvious that you were talking about the giant snake.

This sounds weird. You guys need to address the underlying issues. Your remaining anger over his affair, his defensiveness...!

well, in my experience whenever i have a disturbing dream, i know i've got to sort something out in my life. without fail.

your python eating your son's ferret i would class as a disturbing dream.

Do you think he's still seeing the other woman?

Only asking as I'm sure I read somewhre that men will often accuse their DP's of cheating on them to cover up the fact they are cheating. Obviously not always true.

What a f*ing twunt - to ask a 6wks postpartum mother 'Who have you been shagging'.??

I definitely would never lightly advise leaving your child's father (and think you must be feeling far too fragile to do so with such a young baby) but really, no one is attractive enough to compensate for being such a classless bastard.

Sympathy to you. Reality sounds like she's got his number.

Well obling this is what i said..i mean..apart from my sleb crush on paddy mcguinness, there is absolutely no man i would rather have than my DP as much of a pain in the arse that he is.
I know this sounds sad.. but you can't help who you fall in love with. Sometimes i am on my OWN behalf.. i mean, i have escaped a total twat who was violent EVERY SINGLE DAY of our near ten year relationship, have lost a child to the social services after she was abused .. simply because i was abused as a child and found it difficult getting over the guilt of 'letting' it happen to my DD.. i've been cheated on, treated like shit, omg you name it.. i feel lucky, however, in that my kids have food and a roof over their heads, so sometimes i think wtf am i moaning about ?

When i met DP i thought ah, here is someone who has suffered as i have.. (big mistake as two damaged people IMO now i know better) can not hope to 'make each other better'
But i hoped that as he has been through the mill, and i have, that maybe we would respect and treat each other properly, having both felt like shit. I love him, i love his kids, i may sit down with him later and point out why the fook would i have taken him back and put up with that evil cow emailing me and threatening me ect, if i had some other 'mythical man' ready to take his place?
Plus even if i wanted to..like i am going to stick the baby in the corner while i get it on?? Pfft.

He really is frustrating to the max. I am SURE he knows i wouldn't cheat. I think he does worry i will 'seek revenge' but why would i.. it bloody hurt and near enough broke me to find out what he did, i truly was devastated.. and fucking humiliated. I spent months worry that i would hate my own baby
Why would i want to do that to another person even if they did do it to me? I'm not into this eye for an eye bullshit. I just want to get over it and move on.

I don't think for one minute i was dreaming about another man ffs.. there isn't one man i know that i would dream about..have nightmares about more like.
He just really fucked me off.
Not one bloody day goes by without him throwing some shit at me in one way or another.. i just want him to stop. I feel like i am being tested every day. Like, "Lets see if she rejects me over this"
I know he probably has some fucked up idea of relationships, and me being the way i am confuses him, "Why is she so nice to me? She must be cheating/thinking of cheating/about to throw me out" ect ect.
I'm sure he doesn't think i'm for real.

Gah he just pisses me off

StripeyKnickers

No i don't think so..she called him a wanker or something.. then emailed me, like a dope i stuck up for him and ripped shreds off her, then blocked her email addy .. i bet she was fuming lol.
I was totally at rock bottom though.
However i did decide to let it go and try again, he is the first person i have done this with, on finding out prev DP's have cheated i have shown them the door.

I don't know if he still goes off with this cybersex shit..i know he emailed other women too, i went to babysit for my sister once with the express idea "If i babysit for SA's sister she will babysit for us when we want to go out"

When i checked out the times and dates the OW sent me, from the messages, i worked out i wasn't bare five minutes out the door before he started emailing other women

He, i hope, is no longer doing this although i haven't asked for passwords ect, i don't want to check up on him, i just want to forget it and for him to never do it again.
He still has the account, SHE still has that rose he sent her, and i haven't signed into msn since the day i had a go at her.
Every time he goes on about giving up smoking it fucking stings me though

you say he treats you like shit to see if you'll take it - every day is a test.

i think you need to drawn the line

NO MORE

any more shit and you're out buster.

I'm too soft for my own good
Have drawn so many lines its stupid. All he has to do is walk round looking sheepish or talk to me nicely and make me a cuppa and i'm sucked in again.

A lifetime of being patient and not holding grudges and forgiving easily has got me here .. lol

I guess one day i'll say it and mean it. My friends tear their hair out about me bless em but they have always listened thank god.. actually i think its because they can't believe it, plus i think they are intrigued as to what shit i'll put up with next.
I'm worried that one day he'll do something so shattering i'd never be able to forgive him, i hope every time i tell him he has 'pushed me too far this time' that he won't hear the uncertainty in my voice.

Jeez i am getting pissed at myself here for putting up with it and whining to other people bah..

you better fucking get some certainty in your voice because you DO NOT want to know what he's going to do to you to make you get it otherwise.

STOP letting him walk over you. stand UP for yourself and get some self respect. you deserve better.