A Rant.. My Bloody DP .... AGAIN Grrrrrrrr

[MyDPIsAPainInTheArse]

Ok i have namechanged for this one
Rant snarl thoughts about murder

This is going to sound really pathetic hence the namechange but bear with me please.

This morning i woke up after having a weird dream about a snake (burmese python, i know cos i used to have one when i was with ExP) i picked it up and put it in a carrier bag (odd) took it home, and it broke into the cage outside and ate my son's ferret (i love this ferret)

I woke up assuming weird dream is to do with me being stressed, and mostly stressed about ExP's recently reinstated contact with DS1. He used to be violent.

So i thought nothing of it, obv you have odd dreams when you are stressed, well i do.

Anyway. DP is working on a site not far from me, and phoned to say he had forgotten something. I drove there to take it to him. He then asked what i was dreaming about last night. So, bemused, and assuming i had said 'don't eat my ferret' or something, i told him.
He said then that i had said "Oh thats a big one, can i play with it as well?"
Then asked me who i was dreaming about in a v accusatory way

I have just had a baby and have been bleeding like billyo since i have NEVER thought about cheating on my DP despite the fact that he has on me, and i have forgiven him.
Its something i would just never do. Ok you can't control a dream, but IMO i would prolly have been dreaming about my DP in that case, i find him very attractive, and i admit i have been feeling very... shall we say frustrated.. can not WAIT till the sodding bleeding stops so i can jump him lol sorry TMI

BUT he has really pissed me off. So as well as this he also told me my breath stank of fags (i am a smoker, he is an ex smoker) then went in the back of the car and said to our DS 6 weeks old.. "Hello son, i'm your daddy. The first one."

Grrrrrrrrr
So then when i left he went to give me a kiss and not wanting to subject him to my ashtray gob i sort of gave him the corner of my mouth/side of my cheek to kiss.
He then chucked a wobbly.

So i got back home, and phoned him to ask, why he is always so fucking nasty (there are other things than this) and he flipped out at me asking who i am shagging so i responded by i promised never to do this ..... throwing at him that the reason he gave up smoking was so he could go and meet this woman WHILE I WAS PG and she didn't like smoking so he had given up, told him it was like he was rubbing my nose in his affair every time he crowed about giving up, and that i was pissed off.

He hung up the phone on me after saying 'whatever'.
I'm just so frikken pissed

I seriously want to strangle him.
Over a bloody dream ffs. And just to top it off i must say the only time i HAVE dreamed about sex with anyone it has always been with him cos despite him being a twat of the highest order sometimes, i do love him and find him very attractive

Sorry this has been long.. and daft. Thanks
Rant Over

You go from wanting to strangle him less than one day into now calling him your world flower. FFS!!.

You are not fighting for a noble cause here -its not you two against the world. There is nothing or nice about this dysfunctional relationship between he and you. He is too damaged and you should know that you cannot act as a rescuer or saviour in a relationship. Both approaches are doomed to failure.

I actually feel the most pity for the children caught up in this. They are not being at all considered.

Romeo and Juliet both died.

well said , reality...

if you can;t do it for yourself, do it for your children

they deserve more than a man who calls their mother a c*nt. or screams abuse at her. or accuses her of infidelity whilst she is bleeding post natally

don't let your DS grow up, wanting to be just like his daddy

Have i done the wrong thing then

I tried to use things other people have said on here.

I can't think of anything else that will possibly work, thanks (sincerely) to the people on here and in RL i have come to the end of my tether with him and just a last ditch attempt seemed like a fair idea. Don't want to tell my DS i walked away without at least trying i suppose

Sorry i started writing that before your last post Reality brb

I could weep reading that Stercus , and not because of the Romeo and Juliet stuff. Because you are so clearly wasted on this utter loser. I hope you screw some strength from somewhere, I really do. This man is going to destroy you

it's simple- he won't change so either you stay with him and accept him for the insecure bully that he is or you do yourself a favour and leave him.

no amount of letters in the world will alter what he is.

You need to wake the fuck up.

Read that letter.

Read it again.

Jesus wept....you are deluding yourself you poor, poor woman. I do not know what to say to you.

Please please listen to what everyone is telling you - read your letter again - you sound like a beaten, helpless, hopeless victim.

I am genuinely horrified - please get help. You are a bright lady and you don't deserve this hellish existence. And neither do your kids.

agree with Dittany- the cheating thing is a total red herring.

Apologies for being so blunt but I have been following your threads and your apologetic letter to this man who is dragging you down and demoralising you on a daily basis is actually frightening. Please read it again and think about what you are allowing him to do to you.

A good man would never treat the mother of his child this way - x

I am concerned that you say that finding out he was cheating was "truly the saddest you have ever been". What about when your daughter was taken into care? Was that not the saddest you have been?

Are you sure the loss of this man would move you more than the loss of your child??

As I said before, you are clearly a very intelligent, insightful and empathic person.

Please, please ask yourself why you feel such a desperate need to keep this (or any) man?

Please put your children first and stop obsessing over this man. He describes himself as "single and looking for a date" on FB, fgs.

He does not care about you or anything you wrote in that letter. Really, he doesn't.

Oh my god

What Potty said. Word for word xx

I have been with NM 3 months - almost immediately he changed his FB status to in a realtionship with macdoodle....you dont need this man really you dont !!!

Oh dear.

I have just read this thread & I can genuinely say I have never read something as sad in my entire time here (nearly 6 years under different names)

I just wanted to say that all the things you are thanking him for in that letter are things other people's husbands do all the time, as normal adults treat each other with love and respect.

Why the hell should you thank him for staying with you? He should be damn proud that you stayed with him!!!

Your letter made me cry as you seem so low, so unsure of yourself, so needy....

He is a pathetic waste of space I think.. and by the sounds of it so does everyone else.

I can't run away from this thread now because its not going the 'way i wanted/would like' i really do appreciate all your replies.
I see what you mean as i am trying to make him into something he won't ever be again, not to me anyway.
I have asked him why he is with me once, he asked why and i said, you just don't seem to like me very much.

Obsession, yes i guess i am obsessed with the model i was sold ..
Until it went wrong a few months down the line and i guess i thought 'i have invested a lot of time, effort and love into this relationship' and carried on thinking it was salvageable..

Until i found out he was cheating.

Then it went from salvageable and about the kids and us and maybe getting back on track, and me thinking it was to do with my ex, to a terrible realisation that DP has done this to everyone he has been with and now me too.

He isn't going to change or come back is he? Come back i mean the person i love inside this horrible arsehole of a man

I start off with a jokey rant and with every post from me or other people i see more and more that i haven't resolved it, forgiven or forgotten, and it isn't going to get better

Just didn't want to walk away without trying my best i suppose. I did this with my DD too and lost sight of my DS while i fought in court for years..we never went on holiday because i used up all my days off for court and ss meetings. It took me a long time to see what i had done.

I hope the letter works in the way i hoped. Or i need to put up and shut up or get rid.
I realise i have tried hard enough, my DS couldn't grow up and say i didn't do my best to stay really could he.

No, of course he couldn't. It would be wrong to stay and set your DS an example of relationships which is utterly wrong. Do you want him to grow up thinking it is ok to treat the mother of your children like utter crap? Or do you want him to grow up to respect you and know that you did what was best for him by leaving this man?

Reality you have really made me cry but not in a bad way its when you said i'm exhausted.. very

To whoever asked about my DD no it wasn't the saddest i have ever been, its the most angry i have ever been.
No the saddest i have ever been was when i found out my own brother who was the only person i trusted with my kids had abused her
Sorry i know i shouldn't have said that in the letter but it sure felt like my world had ended when i found out.
I'm not being snotty btw i am agreeing with you that its not actually the saddest but it came close...because he really is the first man i could love and see myself being with but somewhere along the line it went wrong.

my mother put her shitty relationship before my welfare when i was a child.

i fucking hate her for it.

seriously.